Ahoy and good day to ye
Ahar! Me name is Captain Ignatius Pigheart and I welcome ye to me tales of misadventure, mirth and piracy on the high seas. Perhaps ye likes pirate stories of the beasts of the sea, or romance midst the ocean’s spume, mayhap tis yarns o’ family and the bonds twixt one pirate and his fellow. Aye, ye’ll find ‘em all in these pages.
Here’s some tales to start ye off:
Regardin’ Ye Tales and Where Ye Might Find ‘Em
Ye can enjoy ‘em accordin’ to the power of ye senses – if ye find favour in the scrawled word then hop on over to ye Tales (either from the menus above or on ye fearsome squiddish image here).
If ye prefer the soothin’ sound of a pirate drawling in ye ears, ye might go for the gramophone picture where ye’ll find audio versions o’ some of me tales. Within ye may discover the valiant nature of meself (and a select number of me crew) as we face the vilest foes upon the open waves. I brings ye tales o’ battle with giant terrapins, a colossal crab, the tender love of a mermaid, terror from the skies, fear from below, the dangers o’ poppy, the joys o’ rum and much much more..
A bit about ye beloved (or soon to be beloved) Captain
Captain o’ the Grim Bastard. Also captain until recent-like o’ the Good Ship Lollipop. Gaaargh. I be a handsome devil with a fondness for grog and ye ladies. If ye be lookin’ for a hookin’ then ye be in the right place. Arrr, I be a pirate to sweep ye off ye feet (or foot. This old sea-dog understands ye needs.) and show ye a fine time with me seamen. Me crew are the foulest of ocean scummers, tis a toss up twixt them and me enemies as to me greatest trouble. We battle sea-beastery, incompetence, the gods of the waves and a horrid tendency to drink…
Wenches, rum, violence. And tiddly-winks. Mermaids, sea-battles, a blind grope in ye dark, breedin’ neutered cuttlefish, grog, whale ale, the congress o’ the manatee and the sloth, poor-punchin’, the smell o’ brine in the mornin’ and fish in the evenin’.
If perchance, ye’ve not sought out this site with a view to mating then ye should head over to ye Tales page, where ye shall find excitement and danger sufficient to sate even the most jaded soul.
Here’s a snipplet of me Mermaid Adventure:
Gaargh, me britches’re stained with the love juice of an impudent mermaid. ‘Twas but four moons ago. We were sailin’ North beyond the dire straits, escapin’ from the British and their monkey-long reach. Aargh. ‘Twas night and the waves were murky, slappin’ the ship like an idle seaman.
And somewhat inebriated re-tellin’ of it: