A Portrait o’ Captain Pigheart Minus Phyzog

Yaarr me hearties, this brings back fond rememberin’s o’ me early days captainin’ me good ship Lollipop. Arrr, back then I were a boon ter the ladies due ter me ‘andsome manner and devilish charms. ‘Tis pity I cannot show ye the face what brought a smile t’ the lips o’ nuns o’ the Isle o’ Letch. ‘Tis on account o’ several outstandin’ warrants from that dastardly magistrate Bedfellow. It seems mere death is no good for preventin’ the King’s men from their duty.