[ occasional pirate ], [ scribbly fellow ], [ hat devotee ], [ improviser ], [ cat dad ], [ sometimes unhappy in the brain ], [ AFOL ], [ consumer of eye-candy ], [ beer drinker ], [ enraged cyclist ], [ please talk to me about Transformers ], [ very bad at DIY ], [ enthusiastic duct-taper ]
[ occasional pirate ], [ scribbly fellow ], [ hat devotee ], [ improviser ], [ cat dad ], [ sometimes unhappy in the brain ], [ AFOL ], [ consumer of eye-candy ], [ beer drinker ], [ enraged cyclist ], [ please talk to me about Transformers ], [ very bad at DIY ], [ enthusiastic duct-taper ]

The Heroic Adventures of Captain Pigheart

Ahar! My name is Captain Ignatius Pigheart and I welcome ye to me tales of misadventure, mirth and piracy on the high seas. Perhaps ye likes pirate stories of the beasts of the sea, or romance midst the ocean’s spume. Mayhap tis yarns o’ family and the bonds twixt one pirate and his fellow. Aye, ye’ll find ’em all in these pages. Me favourite things are wenches, rum, violence. And tiddly-winks. Mermaids, sea-battles, a blind grope in ye dark, breedin’ neutered cuttlefish, grog, whale ale, the congress o’ the manatee and the sloth, poor-punchin’, the smell o’ brine in the mornin’ and fish in the evenin’.

All the Tales

Captain Pigheart All Washed Up
Captain Pigheart All Washed Up
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"Gaargh, I was tossed off into the surf by me slippery serpentine steed."
The Banging Choon Adventure
The Banging Choon Adventure
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"We’d been at sea some while and the lads were growin’ crazed as a hermit crab in an undersized shell."
Captain Pigheart All Washed Up
Captain Pigheart All Washed Up
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"Me britches’re stained with the love juice of an impudent mermaid."
The Banging Choon Adventure
The Banging Choon Adventure
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"Hamish struggled in the crab’s squeezin’ till his eyes bulged and his sporran quivered – thank the gods for his deep-fried-flabbiness, it’d be awhile before findin’ bone."
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