Gaargh, I was woken by the taste of salt water on me parched lips. Twas followed by the familiar pressure of a pair of puckered lips. Aye, now this is the way to survive a ship wreck!

I took a moment to savour the sweetly soft taste of me rescuer. I ignored the faintly fishy tang and rubber texture till she nipped me lip. Ahar, a cheeky wench. I squinted me eye open to the sun’s glare.

Gaargh, twas not the sweet-cheeked wench I expected but the rude explorings of an octopus’ tentacle. Twas a shock to find it gripping both me face and private place, but its unbidden embrace had brought me to land.

Despite me natural misgivings I’d unquestionably have drowned elsewise – well, I’ll not deny her affections. And later, I’ll break me fast on her tasty beak.