Next week I shall begin weaning myself off amitriptyline. Had a good chat with the doctor yesterday – I think for this kind of conversation a telephone appointment was great. There’s a lot of added confidence and comfort to being able to talk about myself while sitting in our library. It’s not that I find a doctor’s surgery intimidating, but I felt nice and free yesterday. Maybe I just am more open, or not needing to make eye contact – I always feel vaguely shifty when discussing drugs, presumably a legacy of wandering off into Lenton to score, all years ago now – and it was a surprisingly long, warm and enjoyable conversation. Essentially, if I just want to get to sleep there isn’t really anything better than what I’m on, but if my overall experience of them has declined and I feel there are other side effects I’d rather do without, then tapering off and seeing what it’s like without is the only way to go. I’ll be able to leap back and guzzle them down if I need to. That’s a nice little safety net I guess. I feel very positive about this, and am already thinking of what I can do to make sure I’m properly worn out by bedtime. Slinging an additional workout in the evening sounds largely doable although in the past I’ve found virtually any activity in the evening to be quite stimulating. Maybe something straight after work then. I’m (currently) interested in seeing how it all goes, and am hopeful I’ll retain that spirit of enquiry even after a string of crap nights’ sleep.
Meanwhile, also in partial readiness for the upcoming weeks I’m happily solidifying the creative portion of my morning routine. So far this week I’ve written a set of brief film reviews, two short stories, and spent the remaining morning’s time slot sorting out flyer designs for our next It’s A Trap! The Improvised Star Wars Show at Nottingham Playhouse in July. I am gently working myself up to continuing The Desert Crystals, though I’m finding the prospect of jumping back into that group of characters, settings and style both appealing and a little intimidating. I do however have a plan, so that should be fine. Of course, being up a bit after seven to do exercise and creative stuff is going to be a big part of making sure I’m ready to crash out by eleven at night. If you’re reading along with any or all of this, don’t be afraid to say “hi”, mock me for the excess of self-indulgence, or offer distant cheering/screaming as you see fit.