[ occasional pirate ], [ scribbly fellow ], [ hat devotee ], [ improviser ], [ cat dad ], [ sometimes unhappy in the brain ], [ AFOL ], [ consumer of eye-candy ], [ beer drinker ], [ enraged cyclist ], [ please talk to me about Transformers ], [ very bad at DIY ], [ enthusiastic duct-taper ]

Alphabetic Dialogues 9 ~ A Stump, My Kingdom For A Stump

The Grim Bastard has suffered a fatal blow amidships. She’s like to meet Mr Jones on the ocean floor, unless the varied beasts of the deep tear her asunder. And yet, escape is not so simple for Captain Ignatius Pigheart and No Hands Mick…

I “I think me peg’s grown stuck.”

M “Jammed tight twixt ye plankings, Captain”

I “Kelp be damned! Tis poor timing”

M “Lever up ye planking and make yeself free”

I “Me leg’s too short t’function as a pivot – aye I needs more lever than me thigh can offer”

M “Nay cap’n, ye should not doubt yeself”

I “Oh Mick, ye confidence does ever boost me self esteem”

M “Perhaps once ye ship revolves as she sinks ye weight’ll pull ye free”

I “Quench ye tongue – me weight’s that of a dainty wench, with the muscles of a man”

M “Right ye are cap’n.”

I “So, ye waters lap at me prosthesis”

M “Tis the way of a sinking”

I “Unhand me man, I’ve every chance o’ extractin’ meself”

M “Very well cap’n, but perhaps tis time for ye crew to ready ye minor craft?”

I “Watch me drown from afar will ye Mick?”

M “eXitin’ a water-bound vessel’s no shame for an honest mate”

I “Ye be one o’ them, or a loyal mate Mick?”

M “Zoogonous was me mother, and ye knew her well – so ye should also know well that I’ll be with ye till ye lungs fill with the cold blood o’ the ocean”

I “And that’s just the reassurance I were needin’ Mick. Me thanks”

M “Be brave Ignatius, for the end’s near”

I “Could ye stand a last rum with ye captain?”

M “Do mermaids lust after pirates?”

I “Evermore Mick, evermore. [pop] Here, drink ye this”

M “Fine rum, it has the burn of quality attained only by maturin’ within’ ye detachable peg leg flask”

I “Good lord Mick – I’m free”

M “Hop now Cap’n, hop like ye’ve never hopped before!”

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The Missing Metacarpal Adventure

A tale of me best mate, No Hands Mick. Gaargh, his name’s not for nothing, rather it aptly describes the absence o’ those fancy paws that elevate we men over the cunning beasts that continually plot our downfall. Aye – fear ye bears and ye fish for they mean us ill. Mayhap they’ve tails but tis ye crochet-enablin’ fingers and thumbs that let us bob on the waves, but Mick’s fisty mishaps began on land.

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