Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Two (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

I woke up a couple of days later in a much nicer medical ward. This one had windows, and I could see whichever of the trinary suns was closest. The sky was blue, a shade it hadn’t been for decades, and had taken a few years to sort out. I still remembered the sight of the Hellevance assembling their terraforming machines in the sky, like a massive honeycomb larger than the clouds. It appeared to work a lot like a vacuum cleaner. Seemed funny, because as someone who didn’t have an intimate grasp of atmospheric mechanics and the delicate balances of gases and moisture and so on, it was exactly the sort of solution I would have suggested (if anyone had asked, and really – why would they?) Anyway, it worked a treat, even if it took a full two years to run, sucking the crap out of the air. The honeycomb structures turned dark as they absorbed the poisons and filth we’d dumped into the atmosphere, and then the Hellevance did something clever with local space and the full hexagons folded themselves up and vanished, reappearing in orbit. What you and I might call toxins when we’re trying to breathe them invariably turn out to be incredibly useful elsewhere. In our new community of twelve planets in their artificial orbit, resources were to be hoarded and used. Nice vindication of the old “reuse, recycle, don’t kill your fucking world” ideas. Human civilisation had crashed through chaos in the final decade of the shell, and we were a shadow of our former selves. So many of the ideals that we’d hoped would see us through had fallen by the wayside of plain survival. But under-resourced efforts at survival lead to horrible short-term measures, all of which make the world even worse and harder to live in. The re-opening of the shell was great, but we needed a lot of help to put Humpty back together again.

Oh hey there. Sorry – didn’t spot you at first. Even now I’m not quite used to seeing a blue sky and fluffy white clouds again. And I never thought I’d see birds like this again. I don’t usually get a lot of time to stare out of windows, not down here on Earth anyway. Oh, right. I’m Evanith. I’m here because I spent a few hours inhaling dead Alometh. Apparently that’s a truly awful idea. Nah, I wandered into the wrong waiting room – with a concussion second left and third right sound all too similar – and like the fuckwit I am I didn’t click until they turned up with hazmat suits. Hell, I’d never met an Alometh before. Guess I still haven’t. Basically, when they die, all their inner goop dissolves into airborne particles – pollen, essentially – and they go and pollinate a new body. Seems half their species is kinda like a load of crops, so when the smart half dies, they go and fertilise a load more. I’m not sure whether it’s technically cloning, or if they’re all new people. So it was trying to fertilise me, going straight through my airways into the circulatory system, into the nervous system and up into my brain. Given a bit longer it might have worked, or more likely I’d have just corked it. But I’ve got an oneirocyte in my skull that rather jealously guards its domain. Lucky me. Also, it might crawl out of my skull one day, so there’s that… Ah, mechanical accident? Bad luck. I agree, having two arms is definitely better. “Pulled off by a machine?” Well, you don’t hear that sentence every day, that sucks. I’m sure they’ll sort you a new one easily enough. Ah – yeah, that Evanith. I know. I’m not really cool with the weird fame we’ve ended up with. Someone had to say hello first though, right, and that was me and the others. It’s true – I am not especially tall, particularly when lying down. Woah! No, I’d stay in bed right there if I were you. I flailed for the “nurse” button, and was quite relieved when a pair of impressively burly nurses, one with a whole extra set of manipulator augmentations hanging over his shoulders, pinned the one-armed guy back to the bed. Fame has not been what I’d thought it might be.

Those first few weeks after the shell came down and the bubble-ship entered our atmosphere, when we stopped Project Petbe from making an epic mistake, they were wild. Some of it was down to expectations, and how brutally they can be foiled. I guess I, and others, had felt that our main problem was the shell, that everything which its emergence had triggered – all the climate hell, social breakdown, species extinctions and the annihilation of our own species – would all be somehow solved by the shell just fucking off. Of course it didn’t, and the cold new light of day just laid bare how badly we’d fucked ourselves over in twenty years. It’s a special gift of humanity, trying to blame someone else for our fuck-ups. We’re like the Vaunted in more ways than one, though they didn’t quite blame someone else, they blamed the universe itself for being more complicated than they thought. A lesser species would just give up at that point, but not the Vaunted… Who, by the way, we rarely spoke to again after that rather fraught first meeting on the mountain-top. Clearly they thought we were going to be useful, but we’d impressed on them just how unimpressed we were by their fancy rainbow lights and immaterial existence. I figured they were just giving us space, but it turned out that very few of their rescued planets had regular contact with the Vaunted directly. Maybe they had realised they were a bit shit at it. Given their essentially immaterial nature, and preference for contact on the mental plane, humans were actually one of the few species they could communicate with directly and conveniently – with the three of us at least, at first anyway. For dealing with the Geshiiil and others they’d had to do more with bringing their rainbow membranes into the real and making a proper effort to chat. Maybe we were just too easy to talk to… Whatever, they’re kinda dicks anyway. We spoke with the other species much more, and that was probably the Vaunted’s intention – let a bunch of material races sort themselves out and then we could all do something about crypt-space. But that was to be several years off.

Given the state of our planet, other species came to us at first. The Geshiiil are great. They came from a solar system with about forty planets in it, all of which they’d had a fun time taking apart so they could use their raw materials to make their own world larger and cooler. In appearance they’re sort of like insects, or what lobsters would look like if their mum was an owl – clawed, feathery, tonnes of fingers and awesome eyes that worked like microscopes. If you thought having an arsehole in your eyes like we do was cool, this lot could focus down to almost the nanoscale. Like I said before, all our brilliant ideas about how other intelligences and life would behave were way off the mark. The Geshiiil were engineers – they loved it. Prefab, nano-extrusions, shit – you name it, they got it. They’re the ones who built a space station in Earth orbit and grew (if you watched it being constructed, “grew” is the only word you’d think to use) the space elevator that linked it with the planet below. Its base (where we found our drinking dens) spread out from a then-dead chunk of equatorial archipelago, which turned into the largest new city we had. When it was all up and running, that elevator never stopped, continuously used to ship materials to the surface – all the stuff we needed to bring our people back from the brink.

Once the space station was in place, the Geshiiil shipped the three of us up. I’d never been to space before, and I expected it to be all cool and floaty, but the Geshiiil were far too good for that sort of nonsense. There was certainly an unsettling shift in gravity as we reached the midway point, and stopped feeling like down was behind us and was instead pulling upwards, but you got used to that quickly. Unless, like Gex you’d always hated rollercoasters back in the old days. Similar sensation, but we got her fixed up with pills that helped, or we just spent the trip in our ownworlds and chose not to worry about the space around us. We stayed with it the first time, and personally, it never stopped being amazing. Rising up in the air and watching the landscape splay out around us. Depressing and amazing at first, of course because we could see just how dead much of the world looked. The sea was a grimy-looking thing. Of all the environments on Earth that had suffered by far the most. The Vaunted seemed to have enough empathy, or received enough of a bollocking from us and the other worlds to realise we would be doing precisely fuck all to aid their crypt-space problem until we had liveable environments again. Clearing the clouds and then the atmosphere felt extraordinary, white turning blue, turning black as the big ol’ blue and green marble (alright, dark grey and worryingly brown at first) came into view. And then the elevator vanished into the depths of the space station and the sights fell away.

For that first meeting, representatives of five worlds had been assembled to meet and greet us. Even now, there are a couple of planets like the Alometh whose people I’ve never met. From what the Geshiiil later told me, we weren’t the only civilisation that had taken a beating in the process of being rescued by the Vaunted. One planet, none of the other worlds even knew what its people had called it, had emerged from the shell burnt to the bedrock. No one knew for sure what had happened to it, and everyone just left it the fuck alone. A dead bead on our planetary necklace. Humans like for there to be someone worse off than them, because it means we haven’t hit rock bottom, but in this case it reminded me of how bad it could have been. At least ten percent of our species had survived… We’d already met the Geshiiil of course, as they crawled and flapped about setting up the space elevator, doing an excellent imitation of human language, albeit with a tendency for their tone to drop alarmingly between deep enough to make your bones vibrate and high enough to make your ears hurt. Bird-lobsters. What are you gonna do? They introduced us to a couple of people from Hellevance. That was a big shiny world three planets ahead of us in the ring. It was very hard not to feel totally overwhelmed by meeting people apparently made of gold who were nine feet tall with no apparent bones. Their planet wasn’t even their first, or the only planet they’d settled. Avid terraformers, they’d been planet-hopping from the homeworld for tens of thousands of years, practicing their art of making barren rocks into sweet second homes. They were hugely pissed off to have been taken out of a solar system that they’d only just begun to populate, and had been trying and failing to contact the rest of their star-spanning civilisation to no avail – apparently wherever the Vaunted had taken us, it was a long way from where crypt-space was making inroads on reality. Very nice though, and rather endearingly concerned about the state of Earth. They really, really liked getting their hands dirty and were eager to start fixing our fucked up atmosphere and poisoned oceans.

We spent quite a lot of time explaining that we were just three random folk with extra junk in our heads, and were absolutely not the government, or kings, or anyone with a clue. That didn’t especially faze them. The Geshiiil had already met some of the representatives of Earth’s surviving governments and didn’t seem very impressed. There had been a lot of “you can’t just” which might have been fair enough in the context of a planet struggling with its identity after twenty years of hell and now there were a load of aliens to batter our fragile little egos, but it really conflicted with the Geshiiil work ethic. The other worlds, like the Hellevance and Geshiiil, were very keen to get stuck in, but we had to slam the brakes on eventually, and get some more people up here who properly understood what the Hellevance meant when the said they wanted to re-oxygenate our oceans. Maybe we’d finally demonstrated our incompetence plainly enough, because the Geshiiil suggested we should assemble some kind of Earth council of our own. We were happy to make random decisions, but it did seem likely we’d fuck it up at some point, and there just had to be some people better able to do it back down on Earth.

At that stage, it felt like we had little to offer, beyond a broken planet. But that’s when the Li piped up, enquiring about our oneirocytes. Whatever function the Vaunted played in getting the worlds to cooperate, part of it had clearly been by tipping the others off that we did indeed have something special to take a peek at. We were the last planet to have been slotted into place in the chain of worlds – it wasn’t clear whether that was because we’d been dragged the furthest, or if there was a sensible order to how the worlds had been unshelled. The Geshiiil had been one of the first to emerge, that was for sure. It made a sort of sense – uber-practical, gregarious and intensely sociable – they were great ambassadors for the Vaunted to send off to check out the other planets. Very happy to share their technology and deeply enthused by seeing others take their engines and explore the tech in different ways. The corps of human engineers and mechanics they eventually recruited virtually worshipped them. However it had all been done, the Vaunted had made it known that of all the assembled worlds, only the humans on Earth had come closest to what the Vaunted themselves had done in shifting their existence into the mental plane, the one nearest to the hell of crypt-space. So we found ourselves useful, at last. While Earth put together a functional world government, very much assisted by the Lesveds who looked reassuringly similar to humans, even if they could only live on other worlds immersed in tanks of blood-red liquid and had no toes or fingers… Basically, if you squinted and ignored all the weird shit, and were willing to put on headphones that shut out the outside world, letting you hear them whisper to you, they were lovely, solicitous and turned out to be into governance structures and representation. From what I heard later, their watery world had been through a series of truly brutal and apocalyptic wars from which they’d emerged with very clear views about how to not eradicate yourselves.

Oh yeah, the Li. They were the first to get into the oneirocyte technologies. Again, fascinating bunch, or whatever the word is for a bunch, singular. Over millions of years, the Li had taken over everything on their homeworld. Everything organic on the planet was Li. The planet was called Li, the fish-equivalents were called Li. So were the trees and the grass. Every living cell had Li in it, and they were all connected, constantly chattering to themselves, or itself rather. It was all one big mind, but that didn’t stop it from talking to itself and behaving more like a massively-cooperative ecosystem. They’d apparently thought it would be fun to come to this meeting in the form of one of their native species which was close enough to a walking banana to make me feel vaguely hungry. They’d leveraged the tendency of bacteria-like organisms to invade other cells and had just done that, a lot. They could have come as a potted plant I supposed, but the banana-form also had senses and the features I’d expect from a radio, so it could talk to us too. They were very interested in the oneirocytes because they didn’t seem that different to how the Li themselves had evolved and spread – initially parasitic, but eventually becoming the thing it had once parasitised. The parts of it that lived in the oceans still lived how the fish-things had done, but talked like Li. Their internal communication was a little like talking to yourself as a result, but they firmly inhabited their world. They were most curious about the idea of living in another world of their own creation.

But there were only three of us, and if we were going to try and teach the Li, and other species about the oneirocytes, we’d need some help – a lot more oneirocyte users for one thing, and the technology to make more of them. We didn’t want to mention the sprawling mess of parasites deep down in the mountain, where the experts slash murderers were. We didn’t want them to have any part of this, but we did need more oneirocytes to play with. We knew there was a case down there somewhere, the one that Gex had nicked originally. Fuck. We were going to have to go back into that goddamn bunker and try not to get killed.

Stolen Skies Meta-Nanowrimo 2022, 2

Nanowrimo target achieved, and yet…

I smashed through the nominal Nanowrimo 50,000 word target on Saturday, with Stolen Skies, Part Twenty-One – one short novel completed! I’d been agonising about this for a couple of days, since I knew I wouldn’t have finished off the story I’ve been telling in 50k, and I wasn’t sure quite what I felt about that. On the one hand, absolutely hurray: I haven’t written like this for ages, and you know what kids, I can still bash out an unedited heap of words in rapid succession that, if you squint, definitely looks like a fun unpolished story. Many thanks to my four dedicated readers for making me feel like I’m a proper writer and everything. On the other hand: what’s the point in just ending a story when I haven’t reached the end…? Nightmare scenario basically.

I’ve been able to get up and write a few thousand words each day far more easily than I can get up to go and do exercise, so plainly this is really very good for something deep inside, the artist locked up in my bony garret is having a fine old time. I figured maybe I needed another ten or fifteen thousand words to round the tale off properly. And then the possibility of just starting a sequel winked at me lasciviously from the back of my mind. God damn it.

In the end, part twenty-one does wrap up the story, in that it brings us all the way (pretty much) from the future point that the story begins with (Evanith getting glassed in a pub), and then has a 50,000 word flashback to see what’s led him to that point. Which I can argue to myself is at least part one of a story complete. Spoilers, we finally meet the Vaunted by the end of 21, we see what’s going on with him in the present, but I was u5nable to resist putting a bit of a cliffhanger in.

Stolen Skies

And, as I knew it probably would, that cliffhanger was for me, not the reader, teasing and tempting me to get up reasonably early on a Sunday morning and write more tasty words. Which I duly did. Part Twenty-Two is really the start of the next phase of the story as I see it. This phase probably won’t turn out to be as long as the first section, but it’s got lots more aliens and hopefully will explain what happens both in between the Vaunted showing up and Evanith getting glassed, and I’d like to get into the ensuing war against (spoilers) afterwards. I’ll just have to see how I get on. Rather than portentously name the next bit a whole new book Dead Skies, for example, I’m just gonna keep going. Partly it’s because the prospect of starting with a blank page is appalling, whereas this Word doc now has 54,865 words in it, and that proves an enormous esteem and encouragement boost first thing in the morning. Still, worth knocking out a new bit of AI cover art for.

So, onwards into the coming tide of destruction. Enjoy! If you’ve been reading it, I’d love to hear (mostly positive, this is just for fun) feedback and what you’ve thought so far.

Stories are just fun to tell

I’ve been realising a lot during this writing month. It’s making me happy, and making my brain feel awake in a specific way it hasn’t for a while. I love improvised comedy, and that’s 100% storytelling and playing with friends. Occasionally I get to tell stories on my own, on stage. If you can tolerate such stupidity, you’re welcome to view my storytelling contribution to MissImp’s Monsters of Improv show from earlier this month at Malt Cross. It’s a science fiction story, I guess. Apologies to Frank Herbert, and the Catholic church I guess (but generally, fuck em, they owe us more than we could ever owe them).

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Three (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

A lot of things had happened to the Earth very fast. The unshelling, the shocking appearance of new suns, a whole chain of new and friendly alien worlds that all popped into existence one afternoon. We were so heavily in the mix right from the start that we didn’t really stop to think about how other people might feel about it. I was wildly excited by the whole shebang – the dramatic explosion of hope where before there was only gloom and a bleak future – for the first time since I was twenty it looked like everything might work out OK. I’d never had a clue what I wanted back then, and while I’d spent most of that twenty years of meat-grey darkness engaged in helpful community projects and ultimately dicking around with the oneirocytes, that was all happy accident. It hadn’t left me with any profound glimpses of a future where I had a job (if those sorts of things even existed now), was in a relationship or hoped to bring a family into the world. That last was a particular shock to the system: our population had bombed, not just because our environment choked us to death, but because barring accidents and outrageous optimism, our reproduction rate had crashed through the floor too. For a very long time it felt as if there had been a tacit assumption that we were the final generation, more or less, and when we finally went that would be it. The Earth would keep going, eventually scrubbing its eco-system clean and starting again. In a way, that had been my greatest hope for the planet. Wipe it off and begin clean. From the sounds of it, talking to the other worlds, that was pretty much the deal everywhere. I don’t know how many ninety-percent extinction events we’ve had on Earth before the apes got smart, but there have been quite a few. Life finds a way, as they say. And it had found a way all over the galaxy.

Once again, there was hope for a new life even here on Earth. Our remaining population were reeling from that new discovery. We were sufficiently scattered that it took weeks to reach all the known cities and smaller settlements who weren’t connected to the smartnet anymore. All communications had taken a kicking, and we’d lost track of the isolated communities all over the world who had been eking out an existence off the net. They’d all seen the sky open again, had rediscovered the utter joy of day and night. For weeks, hell – months – we cried at sunset and sunrise, some atavistic delight returning to our lives. They were astonishing sunsets too. We’d pumped so much junk into the atmosphere that they produced the best sunsets ever. It’s almost a shame the Hellevance cleared all that up… But no one had told a lot of these people what was happening. The government had got its shit together and found most of these folks to clue them in a bit to the vast cosmic crisis we’d been saved from, who the Vaunted were, and what all those frighteningly close planets were in the night sky. Looking at Hellevance wasn’t like getting a glimpse of Mars through a telescope or a lucky squint – their encrusted world glowed and you could see it with the naked eye. There was an awful lot to explain, break down and reassure people about. But still, the Geshiiil started installing the space elevator before a lot of folks had heard that there were even aliens, so the whole planet was still in a state of psychic shock. And those shocks kept coming. The massive Hellevant engines in the sky, the world starting to become habitable again. But it was an awful lot. It’s easier to deal with when you’re close to it, but if you’re living in a tented community that a week ago was struggling to breathe but now has sunrises and occasionally sees a zerocopter speeding by overhead, it’s harder to feel involved. There was a lot of resentment, and wholly justified anger. Anger towards the Vaunted, classic human fear of the unknown, fear of new things – of change to even a totally fucked up life. It’s still your life, even if it’s awful, and now everything was changing, whether you wanted it to or not, and no one was asking if it was OK. Consultations were approximately zero, and a lot of that was our fault – me, Gex and Scoro. When the Geshiiil wanted to put the space elevator in, we were like “yeah, cool, do it”, and had similar feelings about scrubbing the atmosphere. But being placed in charge by alien gods isn’t the same as being put in charge by your own people, and I was incredibly grateful when the world government took over a lot of that stuff. Unfortunately, by then the three of us were famous. Both for being the first to talk to the aliens and also for being the ones who invited the other aliens in. Initially the government tried to make out that although we were representing Earth’s interests, actually we were doing what the government said. But after a while it became convenient to have some scapegoats for when people were unhappy about the aliens. That was nice of them. Gave us a certain notoriety, described in some quarters as collaboration. Of course we fucking collaborated – they fixed the damn world! Also, they were mostly kind of ace.

The range of alien life we were now meeting was genuinely intoxicating (and not just if you breathe them in when they die). It was like being in a toy shop where every toy was cooler and more interesting than the last, and they could all talk to you and show you amazing new things. The ones we met early on were the most sociable, but there were other worlds farther round the chain circling the trinary suns who we didn’t meet until much later on. Next on the list for us was the Qoth (their actual name was much, much, much longer but no one could be bothered to use it in full except the Geshiiil who seemed to delight in trilling the full forty seconds it took to pronounce). Generously, I’d call them miserable fucks. It wasn’t their fault, of course. None of us wanted to be here, we’d all been unceremoniously uprooted and jacked halfway across the galaxy, with no regard whatsoever for what we had been doing, what our planetary ambitions were, or even how we were dispersed across a solar system. Like the Hellevance, for example. Just one of their many worlds had been filched by the Vaunted. I wondered what the rest of the Hellevance thought about that, one of their planets just vanishing one day. Which reminded me of our Moon of course. I hoped they’d made it, somehow. At least they had no organic environment to die off around them – the Hellevance had come through the shell irritated, but with their already high-technology and artificially expanded world had been easy enough to seal up and continue as they were.

The Qoth’s problem was spiritual: the first of the truly religious alien species I’d met. The Li had expanded into every inch of their ecosystem and there was nothing but Li there, no room for gods. The Geshiiil and Hellevance liked the idea of gods, but they were so busy doing half the things that humans would have expected gods to do that there was no point in them. The Qoth were more like us, especially a few hundred years ago. It was an article of faith that their world had been birthed by their god-star, which would ultimately reclaim their souls when they died, and one day the sun would consume its child planet once more and all the Qothi souls would be reborn in their god-star’s heart. They took that very seriously. The Vaunted had paid no more care to their concerns than to anyone else’s. Sure, they’d saved the Qoth from certain doom since crypt-space had erupted very close to their god-star, which meant the dead realm had a lot of matter to suck up and convert itself back into physical stuff. The Qoth world would have been next, but they could not give a flying fuck. They wanted their god-star back, because otherwise their souls would be lost here in the void. Unlike a lot of Earth religions, they didn’t wrap this in apologetics to paper over the appalling cracks in their theology. We’d spun our myths over thousands of years, made up by illiterates, carried orally and finally written down, and then reinterpreted, rewritten, stolen wholesale, called something else and then spent centuries trying to explain how all the obvious errors and nonsense were totally true, and really, if you thought about it, were what made all of it make sense. Not my thing. The Qoth didn’t have any of that. Their spiritual story was dead straight, and they seemed to be born knowing it as a solid fact. In the same way that we’re born knowing absolutely fuck all, but have a bunch of structure that early experiences will bootstrap into self-awareness and knowledge, the Qoth are born with inbuilt knowledge about their god-star, and learning about everything else comes second. They’re not monks or anything like that though. They’re quite beautiful furry tripedal tortoise things. Apologies if that’s a little hard to envision, but we were still hampered by all our reference points for alien things being based on our domestic environment which lacks such bizarre hybrids (except in really old children’s entertainment). No, the Qoth have a lovely world – it was actually the first alien planet in our new solar system that I visited – it’s a little like how I remember Earth being before the shell, and how I hoped it would end up again.

The reason I bring up the Qoth is that they were just as interested as the Li in our nano parasites. If the Vaunted wouldn’t return them to their god-star, and they probably couldn’t, because crypt-space would have eaten it, their god and the souls of everyone who had ever died on Qothima (I’m abbreviating again, no way am I spelling out a four hundred and twenty-two character transliteration of their subsonic language), they needed some way to remember the god-star properly, and if they could find it in their collective memory, maybe it would be real enough to offer them salvation. I mean, why the hell not, right? The Vaunted had shown that if you do it right, you can create a mental realm – a spiritual realm (I really hoped there wasn’t a third dimension of existence for soul on top of body and mind – there’s only so much complexity a little human mind wants to handle) – and it’s exactly as real as the physical world we’re used to. From what we’d seen of Project Tutu’s plans, you could shuck off your body and live in it full time too. If living in a tank of grey brain wool is what you want to call living.

The Qoth wanted in, the Li wanted in. We really needed some more oneirocytes. They’d bought our explanation that the creators of the nano parasites were all dead (true), since they’d seen the state of our planet that was certainly credible. But, I explained, the project headquarters still contained some samples which we could extract and no doubt we, or the Geshiiil at any rate, would be able to figure them out and reproduce the technology. We’d talked ourselves into a little roadtrip, and despite our apprehensions, the Qoth were keen to accompany us. We had already established that the Li weren’t coming down to our planet. Their help was staying in orbit. When we’d mentioned them to the nascent world government and explained how they had reproduced by taking over cells of every lifeform on their planet, but were very keen to help get our animal populations back to normal, we were met with a “fuck no”. I was fairly sure the Li could resist hijacking our ecosystem, but we humans are a suspicious bunch and we had enough to be dealing with without swallowing yet another spider to eat a fly. So it was us, a trio of Qoth (they never, ever turn up in anything other than multiples of three. Don’t know if it’s a sex thing or what, never found a polite way to ask), and a human military escort.

After waking up in the ruins of the observatory, Colonel Lindsmane had somehow gotten a promotion. Presumably it was an awkward combination of his failure to attack the Vaunted’s rainbow ship, and of simply being there when they showed up. It’s not quite failing upwards, I guess. Now he was Brigadier Lindsmane, which still meant very little to me, but was apparently equivalent to a director or something. Either way, he met us at the bottom of the space elevator: me, Gex, Scoro, and three Qoth. He took it pretty well considering how our first meeting had gone. No guns in our faces this time, so that was nice. He also took the Qoth well – military briefings emphasise being very professional, and not freaking out when you meet anything, including five-foot tall shelled tripeds. He ushered us all into a broad briefing room. Again, the military love briefings. It was a measure of our dwindling authority as representatives of Earth that we weren’t allowed to just ask the Geshiiil to give us a lift, and instead had to go through the new proper channels. It did make fewer things our fault.

“The site we’ll be visiting was the epicentre of the Vaunted’s incursion into our atmosphere, which penetrated a highly secure research facility,” he paused, catching my eye, “in the subterranean facility we’ll be on our guard against any rogue elements of the project which might still be present.”

It wasn’t just the three of us who weren’t happy about how Project Tutu had wrapped up. From what I’d heard, partly from Lindsmane himself, Tutu’s official purpose had been a new form of communication and organisation. Shucking five hundred plus brains out of their skulls had not been part of that plan. Doctor C and her cadre had indeed gone rogue, very rogue.

He went on. “The facility has been entirely powered down since the Vaunted arrived. We don’t expect any activity given the lack of power, but we’ll be going in armed. Respectfully,” he addressed the Qoth representatives with their insanely long names, “we’ll ask you to stay within our security cordon at all times and allow our field experts–“ us “–to locate the assets.”

Everyone seemed OK with that, even if I wasn’t entirely sure the Qoth knew what a security cordon was. We got to ride in a zerocopter next, which was a first for me. It would have been unthinkable just six months earlier, with greasy winds roaring around about and visibility often just upward of nil. Plus, they were a new toy that the Geshiiil had knocked up for us. They’d seen our mothballed helicopters and the variety of winged and hovering aeronautic kit, tutted thoughtfully, and made something a million times better. The zerocopters just gave no fucks about what they were flying through, and instead of having wings or rotating blades, they just hummed and moved slickly through whatever was around them. Apparently you could chuck them in the sea and they were fine there too. We sliced through the billowing winds and additional clouds and currents generated by the now-functional environmental engines hanging in the sky.

The observatory had been sealed over, to protect or at least preserve the equipment inside from the ravages of the weather. We landed in between some of the dishes and towers that had failed to make contact with the Vaunted, and headed inside. The soldiers kept their rifles at the ready, leaving us free to look around anxiously, while the Qoth ambled about quite happily. I suppose this was a sort of day out for them, away from fretting about the god-star. A section of canvas came away to permit us access and we entered the facility. The lift was still out of action – no way were we going to power the place up. I profoundly hoped that killing the electric had frozen those creepy fuckers in the basement. At least those blue lights wouldn’t be on everywhere. However, with the lift out, we’d have to use the stairs again. They’d almost killed us last time. But there was nothing else for it. Down we all went, the Qoth with surprising dexterity – maybe three legs are better than two for staircases.

Down and down. Colder and colder. We reached the main corridor that led in from the garage where we’d left the caterpillar. I plaintively gestured at the massive concrete doors that led outside via a long dark tunnel, but apparently there was no way to open them at all from the outside, not without power or a kick-ass bomb. I’d have taken the explosion for the sake of my knees in a heartbeat. The plumes of our breath flowed outwards, misting up the air. The Qoth seemed fine with it all. Their fur was a decent match for our heavy-duty arctic gear. The more we breathed, the more they liked it. They’re fans of a carbon-dioxide environment, so they liked Earth in general. They breathe backwards from us or something – taking in C02 and extracting what they need, exhaling a different gas mix which was thankfully not toxic to humans. Aliens, eh. All of this wondering served to distract me from what we were doing. I walked along, torch in hand behind the soldiers who swept every door we approached, rubbing shoulders with Scoro and Gex.

We found the case with the sphinx on the lid absurdly easily. On our way out we’d been through lots of the rooms trying to find a way out, but we hadn’t searched the clean rooms we’d entered the facility through, due to all those annoying auto-closing doors. Sure enough, the neat secure case with the sphinx logo on the top was in a storage locker where Hest must have stashed it for dealing with later. After all, Project Tutu had run out of humans to infect with the nano parasites.

“All right, cool. That was easy,” Scoro said. We all breathed easier for that. “Hardly worth you lot getting all tooled up, eh?”

At that, the demeanour of our armed guard changed. Their sergeant, whose name I forget, spoke ominously. “Primary objective achieved then. Secondary objective – check the nest.”

Now, those were not the words I wanted to hear.

“We need you to come with us,” the sergeant pointed at me. “One squad stays here with the primary objective and the Qoth, second squad and Evanith comes with me.”

“Ah fuck,” I muttered.

Gex put a hand on my arm, “we’re not splitting up. Have you not seen a single horror movie?”

“Orders ma’am,” the sergeant replied firmly, continuing to split the squad up.

“It’s OK,” I said (it wasn’t), “we can keep in touch through the ownworld.” Walking in both worlds simultaneously was something that we’d all been practising. At first it was hard, because you fell over and bumped into things a lot, but there are infinite degrees of immersion, and going in shallow meant you could feel each other but see the real world. Much safer.

With a profound sense of terror, I allowed the second squad to nudge me through into the main facility. It was the same as it had been before, except even colder. This deep in the mountain there’s no heat at all, and even the floor was slippery. We went down and down again. When we came to the corridor where the surgical suites were, I spoke again, shivering but definitely from cold not fear, “We need to check out a room down here.”

Bloody streaks ran the length of the corridor, looking just how you might expect if a ball of string soaked in blood had dragged itself along, and vanished down the stairs we’d yet to traverse. We followed the blood trail. I wasn’t sure how much the soldiers had been clued in, but they didn’t seem perturbed by the presence of blood. The room full of corpses with holes grated out of their scalps, blood soaked and frozen onto every surface… Only one of them quietly vomited in a corner. I hadn’t come this far into the room before, and I wished I hadn’t now. The sight of the bodies welded together by the frozen blood was awful. The shadows jumped alarmingly as we played our torches over them. A dead body always looks as if it’s about to leap back to life and grab you – under moving lights it’s even worse. When we – I’d – yanked their consciousnesses into my ownworld I’d just been trying to save us from their grisly plans, but I hadn’t intended for them to die. Or be left like this. I couldn’t unsee Doctor C’s frozen open eyes staring at me from the floor. I hurried back outside.

The soldiers looked a little pale, but it might have been the cold.

“That wasn’t the nest, was it sir?” asked the sergeant, who had clearly been well briefed on the debrief we’d received months earlier, after Lindsmane’s men had woken back up and we’d all been whisked off for lots of meetings.

“No. We need to go quite a long way down. Hope your knees are up to it.”

More down. If possible it was even colder as we reached the basement and the antechamber with its airlock. The inner window that should have given us a good view of the blue-lit room was frozen opaque from whatever moisture had been inside. We’d need to go in. The kit we’d all been supplied with contained breathing apparatus in case we needed it deep in the facility. I wasn’t remotely concerned about taking bacteria or anything into the garden of deadly mind string. Hell, if it offered a chance to fuck the little bastards up some more that was all good. But it did seem to reassure the soldiers. I suppose to them this was a major threat of contamination, but I didn’t think the nano parasites were a risk unless they were inside your head. Without power we couldn’t operate the airlock so easily, but soldiers are brilliant at this stuff. They popped open a range of hatches and brute forced it open.

We lit up the interior of the big open room with our torches. I hoped to find all the nano parasites frozen solid, their little tanks of jelly iced up, locking them in place. But instead it was much worse. All the racks that filled the chamber were empty. A few tanks lay on the shelves, scattering their frozen goop across the floor. But that was it. The Unity was gone.

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Four (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

I felt like the ground had dropped away beneath me, but instead of hitting the floor in some Victorian swoon, I’d just panic hopped into the ownworld. Rather than the frosty yet empty racks of the Unity nest, I was under my own tranquil sky, and Gex and Scoro were with me.

“They’re gone – all of them,” I stammered out. I received the anticipated eruption of “what?!” and entirely unsurprising wave of panic that travelled through the ground beneath our feet. We had been upfront in the debriefing we’d received from our military and government representatives about the Unity. Doctor Charbroly and her team had definitely done something impressive, but we had been at pains to emphasise both how unnecessary butchering half a thousand people had been to achieving the project goals (ably demonstrated by just the three of us managing to say “howdy” to the Vaunted while being very much still in our meat sack bodies), as well as how fucking insane and murderous they’d been, in a proper nightmare mad scientist way. Ev9eryone had appeared to agree with us, with varying degrees of shock, horror and – now that I thought about it – a little too many mentions of “how unfortunate” that Doctor C and co weren’t still around. I can’t pretend that a fair amount of my feelings weren’t driven by simple fear. It’s OK to be scared of someone who wants to cut you open. And the project had failed: they weren’t there when the Vaunted rocked up, we were. The Unity was a heap of string in the basement, wanking away about their lovely new chalets by the lake. It’s easy to dismiss what scares us, it’s part of how we walk away from our fears and gain power over them. I really thought we’d had enough to worry about with rebuilding the Earth, dealing with our new alien pals, and, not forgetting – fighting crypt-space and killing the dead once and for all. A few hundred strung-together artificial brains should have been left in the past. But class, what do we know about the past? It always comes back to fuck you up.

“They can’t have been let out by the government – there’s no reason for them to send us back now to investigate. Better for them to have scooped the bastards out and never mentioned it. Pointless to let us discover they’re missing and freak about it.” Pointed out Scoro.

“Bluff, double-bluff, counter-bluff… Agreed. Overly complicated,” Gex muttered.

“Do we even have a problem here? They’re a bunch of networked brains – it’s  not as if they’re actually coming after us, is it,” I looked to the others for reassurance.

“Murdery robot brains on the loose. No, no problem at all,” Gex spat out.

Well, there was nothing we could do from that end. I dropped out of my ownworld and paid attention to the frosty mess in front of us. The soldiers insisted that we take a good look through the whole space. If I’d thought the lights flashing over human corpses upstairs was alarming, this former repository was even more stressful. The edges of shelves, lines of ice, spattered gel, shadows cast by other torches, all brought the brain tomb to heart-punching life. I was sweating despite the cold5 by the time we concluded that the place was indeed empty, and that there were no holes in the wall or anything where they might have burrowed rat-like through and into the mountain itself. I shuddered at the thought. The sight of the fuckers crawling down the corridor in all that blood, and writhing across the aisles of the archive were still shadows that tried to reach me in my dreams. That was another reason to be grateful for having my own oneirocyte – I didn’t dream about anything I didn’t want to.

Then I got a panicked squawk through the ownworld. It is odd maintaining both worlds at the same time. Being able to see a deep-frozen store room while also hearing the sound of the rain falling in my inner world for example – quite confusing. What I heard was Gex trying to say something9, but there was an additional layer of interference, like static that I’d never heard before in our ownworlds.

“Gex?” I said, out loud and in my mind.

“Sir?” The sergeant was by my side immediately.

“Are you still in contact with the rest of your team, sergeant?”

“There’s the best part of a kilometre of steel and concrete between us – no chance of contact at all.”

“Fuck. Something’s wrong – I can’t reach Gex, or Scoro. That ought to be impossible.” I mean – obviously. If we could reach out and talk to someone in space from our ownworlds, less than a mile should be a joke. “I think we should get out here sergeant, and fast.” The Unity might be gone, but right then there was one massive upside to it… “Since they’re all gone we can just turn the power back on and use the elevators, right?” My knees were virtually cheering, and despite my concern for the others I hadn’t felt this chipper since the flight on the zerocopter.

“Sorry sir, the power’s been physically cut from outside and we don’t have a team set up to bring it back online.”

“You’re fucking joking.” No point phrasing that as a question. This lot weren’t the comedy type. They’d been substantially spooked by the bloody mess upstairs, even if a lot of that tension had been expelled when we found the Unity were missing. Bit of a mission fail, but also something of a relief for everyone. And now something else had gone wrong, somewhere. We did indeed have to take the stairs. And despite my protests, we had to take them a bit quicker than we had coming down. It was all too much like escaping from this fucking bunker all over again. There’s a peculiar thing about running. You can either run towards, or run away. Technically we were running towards the others, but I challenge anyone to run out of a cold cellar where you know there was a monster, and not feel like you’re running away. That horrid cold clutch in the gut, the hairs on the back of your neck rising so that they’ll be the first things brushed when the thing catches up with you. Terrific motivator though. I was not a cross-country specialist or anything – no one was anymore, except maybe the military – but I’m sort of proud of how quickly I got up those stairs, and all without my lungs ending up on the outside, bouncing off my coat.

When we finally reached the formerly blue corridor and clean-room lobby where we’d left the other soldiers, Gex, Scoro and the Qoth, I still hadn’t succeeded in making contact, even though I’d spent half the trip mentally yelling for them in the ownworld. But Gex’s flaming engine realm was empty, gears grinding away on their own, so I knew she was at least still alive. Or the oneirocyte was, a thought I stamped on hard. Her and Scoro’s ownworlds were up and running, but they couldn’t get to them. I figured it wasn’t wise to try and rip them out of the real. If they could be here, they already would be. And the memory of doing it to those scientists, and the results were both geographically and emotionally too close. Besides which, we were almost there. Even the soldiers had to take a moment to catch their breath. Running up a hill with a fridge on your back (or whatever military training entails) is nothing compared to a hundred staircases in sub-zero temperatures. I wanted to die, and everything in my body passionately desired to be outside my body. But we only got a minute before Gex was suddenly back in my mind.

“Where the fuck have you lot been?” she demanded.

Even in the ownworld, I was still out of breath, as ridiculous as that sounds: “It’s fucking miles!”

“Get in here now.”

I swallowed all my organs and bile again, and the soldiers booted the doors open, rifles held at the ready. We found everyone intact, which was great. The squad who’d stayed with Gex and Scoro were all lying flat on the floor, as were the Qoth. Gex and Scoro were sitting on a table, as far from them all as possible, with the Project Tutu case resting between them.

“Hi guys,” Gex started, but the soldiers gave her no time to continue. They saw their downed comrades and despite our little jaunt down and up the stairs, were as alert as I’d seen them, rifles most definitely directed at my friends and the Qoth, while someone else checked on their prone colleagues.

“All alive sarge,” they reported.

“Good. Now,” from behind a rifle, “what the hell is going on here?”

Scoro took over. “Everything was fine until the Qoth got their hands on the case,” he tapped the box between him and Gex, “up till then we were all just having a nice chat and a cup of tea.” Soldiers apparently go nowhere without tea, and since it was freezing cold and there was nothing to do other than watch each other and wait for us to come back, they’d basically had a tea party with the Qoth. Sounded nice. Sounded a lot better than the secondary objective of this bloody mission. “Bremis over there–“ Scoro pointed at one of the downed soldiers “–was just digging out the sugar when I heard 6the snap of the case opening. One of the Qoth had popped it open. I tried to get it back off them but they did that puffing up their fur thing, and um, it was a bit more intimidating than that sounds. Next thing I knew they were muttering about the god-star and had pulled out a handful of the nano parasite injectors.”

The case had thousands of nano parasites, held inert in their injectable capsules. They only needed to be injected into the bloodstream – that was the main improvement on the early project work when they’d had to take the skullcap off to install the things. From the state of the room, it was pretty clear what had happened next, and I guess that showed on my face.

“You got it,” said Gex, “the soldiers went for the case, it being primary objective and all, but these tripod guys are really a lot, lot faster than I thought. They knocked em all out in quick order. I guess our boys had orders not to shoot the Qoth – smart, obviously. We’ve not had an interplanetary diplomatic incident before, but I bet we’ve got one now. Once the lads were down, the Qoth didn’t fuck about – nothing we said slowed them down – they just banged the nano parasites straight into themselves. Then they fell over.”

Well, they would. Nano parasite introduction was supposed to be done when you were at least lying down, if not in a nice stable lab, rather than a freezing cold hole in a mountain. For fuck’s sake. Now we had three aliens with a nano parasite built specifically for humans wandering around in whatever passed for their bloodstreams.

“I’m going to get someone to turn the power back on,” said the sergeant, “I’m damned if we’re dragging this lot back up the stairs.”

Praise be, no more stairs.

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Five (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

It seemed like everyone went rogue these days. I wondered when it would be our turn, but I suppose we’d been rogue from the beginning when we pretended to be scientists, then pretended to be ambassadors to chat with the Vaunted, and then continued to pretend we had a clue about the vast effort to restore planet Earth to non-shit hole status again. Maybe everyone just pretends, all the time. The Qoth had pretended to be cooperating, but had taken things into their own three-fingered hands the moment the opportunity arose.

We’d had to wait for a couple more hours in the freezing cold while the secondary objective squad woke up the primary objective squad and made sure they were OK. Thankfully, they were all fine, just very cold indeed and more embarrassed than injured. If you’re not allowed to properly fuck up your opponents, who happen to have total diplomatic immunity and an unknown array of skills, then I’d argue that it wasn’t really the soldiers’ fault that they couldn’t intimidate a bunch of alien fur-turtles. A perhaps stronger case could be made that they shouldn’t have let the case out of their eyes’ sight at all… But since Gex had stolen it in the first place, I wasn’t pointing any fingers. Instead we mostly just watched the Qoth, apparently fast asleep on the cold floor, while Gex, Scoro and I popped in and out of our ownworlds, trying to figure out what was going on with the occasional static effect we were getting. Obviously it was something to do with the Qoth and the nano parasites being stuffed in a non-human body, but right then we lacked a lot of useful information about the Qoth. Like, for example, them not having proper brains at all. Still, after a rather chilly wait there were a series of massive clangs that rang out through the underground facility and the lights came back on. After a minute all our torches and lanterns went off. While we’d been waiting, the soldiers had found the door controls, and the little network of military tunnels which we’d missed when we came through last time, as well as gone back down into the facility to retrieve all the machines that had been hooked up in the blood-spattered surgical suite. Watching that massive concrete door grind open was the best. It symbolised everything I wanted about the next hour: not walking up flights of stairs. I know it sounds rather petty, but I earnestly never wanted to climb a single stair again in my life. Some brilliant pilot had navigated a zerocopter right down into the mountain and it settled onto the concrete pad where we’d first arrived. They’d brought a medical team with them, some impressive gurneys for the Qoth (arguably they were pallets and a forklift truck), and an armload of blankets, which were gratefully received by one and all. No more Qoth though, which underscored them being in a new degree of trouble with either our government or theirs.

It was a bit of a squeeze in the back of the zerocopter with the Qoth strapped down to their pallets in the middle of the main bay. I was utterly knackered and crashed out as soon as we were strapped into the seats that ringed it. I didn’t need a window seat this time. I dreamed, rather than wandering back into my ownworld. It didn’t go well – I woke up yelling about something. Incredibly rarely, I’d had a nightmare, which wasn’t a huge surprise given what we’d been doing and what we’d seen all day, but we don’t have nightmares any more. Not unless we want to. The interference that had felt like static was getting worse, affecting not just communications in the ownworlds, but my own ability and the oneirocyte’s to keep a handle on my conscious unconscious. Fucking Qoth.

When we got back to Elevator Town (yes, I know, but if we’d built it back in the viking age it would have ended up as Elevator Town Town or something even more redundant. It was what it was…) we were whisked off up the elevator, leaving our soldiery escort in Colonel Lindsmane’s ungentle hands. He didn’t look impressed, though whether that was with his soldiers’ incompetence or ours, I couldn’t say. I was happy to get on that lift though. Up top we were met by a very concerned Qoth delegation and a handful of banana-form Li. They’d wanted to play with the oneirocytes, and now they were. The trio of bad boys were conveyed into a much less threatening medical suite than those I had experience of, and a metric fucktonne of machines were plugged into them. That’s where we learned that the Qoth don’t have brains like we do, contained in a neat little box at the top. They’re more like octopuses, with the neural network strung out all through their bodies. Along with the case of nano parasites we’d retrieved from Project Tutu, we’d also taken a bunch of their imaging gear which Doctor C and company had used to track the progress of the oneirocytes, and hopefully interface with them. That had all been duly installed by a cool mixture of human technicians, doctors and a handful of Geshiiil. The latter had built this place and installed what they thought would be useful things, like their equivalent of real-time MRI/x-ray devices. Very, very cool. Between them all they resolved trivial things like making Earth plugs and voltage work with whatever the Geshiiil used. Thankfully we weren’t involved at all in such things. We were busy getting a bollocking from the Earth government representatives. It did involve some shouting. They were highly concerned that we’d let a bunch of Qoth maybe kill themselves on our watch, and equally that we’d allowed them to straight up steal vital Earth technologies. Their choice of verbs was very accusative. It was the sort of meeting you just have to sit through quietly, nod a lot and look regretful. We’d become really bad at all of those things, and it was a considerable relief when someone came for us – it was time to take a proper look at the Qoth.

The kit had all been set up, and in an unpleasant echo of our earlier time in a surgical suite, we were ushered into an observation room with a big window where a new face, Doctor Hullesmann, talked us through what they knew already.

“When the nano parasites were injected into their hosts, they were faced with two problems. One, the host isn’t human; and two, the nearest analogue of human neural material they could find in the Qoth was immediately present, and spreads throughout the body. It looks like the nano parasites, smart things that they are recognised the neural material and made a game attempt to do what it’s supposed to: hijack the brain and start learning about it. That intervention immediately paralysed the Qoth hosts, as the parasite locked down the area it was injected. Not that the Qoth have bloodstreams either, this was more like injecting the nano parasites directly into your spine. Not a great idea. Since then, the parasites have been rapidly expanding, since they keep finding more ‘brain’ wherever they look. They’re working very hard, but it’s entirely possible they’re very lost and working off book.”

Cool. As I’d vaguely suspected, it’s not a brilliant plan to shove an oneirocyte into something that isn’t a human. I had questions.

“Do the Qoth dream?”

We had a Qoth in the room with us, who seemed quite relaxed about three of his colleagues being out cold with alien wires in their brains. “We look forward to being reunited with the god-star,” it said.

“Sure, I’m sure you do. But do you dream?” human language is drenched in metaphor and synonyms which are related and interchangeable but mean completely different things. This isn’t the case for all species – some of them actually say what they mean, and really do mean the things they say. “Dream – not hope, not remember. When humans sleep, we lose awareness of the world and create, imagine, new events and ideas. Partly those are remixed memories, but they’re not literal and they don’t relate to the real world. It’s an unconscious process.”

That baffled them. Qoth do sleep, in the sense that they’re not always up and running around doing Qothi things. But they don’t have an analogous state to dreaming. They use their sleep to solve actual problems, without the distraction of wandering about. When the Qoth say they’re going to think on something, they mean sleep on it, and by sleep on it, they mean they’re going to sit immobile and think about it until either someone wakes them up, or they’ve finished thinking about it. They don’t have an unconscious.

“Right, well. That’s going to be interesting for the oneirocyte,” I said, in deep frown, “sorry – the nan parasite. It’s job is to integrate the conscious and unconscious experiences of humans and give us control over both.” The Qoth and Geshiiil were plainly baffled that we didn’t already have command of ourselves. It had seemed so natural and normal right up until we met people who didn’t do it like that. They looked at us like we were mad. Maybe they’re right, it would explain a lot about humans.

“But they’re definitely doing something inside the Qoth. If they’ve triggered this ‘thinking’ state, then the parasites will be trying to connect up with that. And if they’re doing that throughout the body, that might explain why we–“ I indicated myself and my companions “–are experiencing a kind of interference with our nano parasites.”

“Yes, that makes sense,” our doctor buddy chipped in, “the human brain, consciousness itself rides on an electrical field generated throughout the brain. From the data I’ve seen – and thank you for bringing so much back from your expedition, by the way, it makes fascinating reading – the nano parasites intensify that field even further, which is partly how you’re able to communicate across the network. Since the nano parasites inside the Qoth are finding so much more neural material to work with, they’ve spread out much more than they need to in a human, and very possibly are trying to network and figure out what’s happening to them.”

“We must insist that we remove our people to Qothima,” the Qoth ambassador interjected.

That wrong-footed everyone. “We have the best facilities and equipment right here,” said Hellesmann, “we can monitor them properly and advise on the best course of action.”

“But you don’t know what’s happening,” retorted the Qoth, “and we do understand our own people. Perhaps your nano parasite experts could come with us.”

More wrong-footing. We didn’t actually have much to do, now that the Earth government had been coaxed into productive action by the Lesveds. The Vaunted had left us in peace while we fixed up the planet, in no apparent rush to go and tackle crypt-space. I guess it had already been at least twenty years while they dragged us all across the galaxy – the last year didn’t mean much to the immortal rainbow people. Our human ambassadors were getting all ready to huff and puff, but I got in there first.

“Sure, why not,” Scoro looked a little freaked out, but I gave him a reassuring smile, “as long as we can breathe on Qothima, we can work.”

There was a lot of arguing, complaining and doing all the things that ambassadors from the Council of Twelve (not a real thing, despite the Vaunted claiming it was a real thing – it would be in time, once the real war-planning began, but at this stage it was more like a society of friends who argued quite a lot) were supposed to do. In the end the Qoth, and us, won the debate. Obviously we’d be accompanied by a security detail, Doctor Hellesmann and whoever else Earth wanted to send. The Li were keen to be involved too, and basically a whole circus of whoever wanted to play. The Qoth looked pleased. I was excited: we were going to a different planet!

It took a while to sort out all the details and packing. We spent it in our ownworlds, a good distance away from the infected Qoth, who still showed no signs of waking up. We were wandering around in Scoro’s cathedral world, observing the static pulses that we were still getting, even half a mile away on the other edge of the top side space station.

“You think this is a good idea?” asked Gex.

“I do. Well, probably. The Vaunted said that the most interesting thing humans have for the coming war is the fact that we dream. That, and our work with the oneirocytes in controlling dreams.”

“Four and a half billion years of history, and only the last twenty years matters,” muttered Scoro.”

“Yeah, but without the billions of years in front, we wouldn’t have the last twenty years.”

“Plus, technically it’s not just twenty years. The project didn’t kick off with the shell, it just recruited Doctor C and got really serious about what they were doing. From the papers Hellesmann’s been rooting around in, the project goes back decades. The nano bit was the new thing, but they’ve been dicking around with human consciousness for a long time.” The others looked unimpressed by my pedantry.

Another wave of static passed through the ownworld, making the vaulted ceiling twitch. For just a moment it was like looking at a picture where one of the colours has been removed. Weird.

“Are we really going to an alien planet,” asked Gex a little wistfully.

“Unless we’re actually still trapped in the Unity and they’ve invented something cooler than a frozen lake, then yeah, I guess we are.”

“That’s not even funny,” she pouted. “We can breathe there, right?”

“Hellesmann thinks so – the Qoth basically exhale oxygen and nitrogen, so as long as we’re around them we should be fine. Plus he thinks their atmosphere isn’t wholly incompatible anyway. Honestly, who knows – we’ve never done this before.”

I was sneakily delighted that we were going to be among the first humans to ever step foot on an alien world. We didn’t get there by our own skill and ingenuity, not really. Right place, right time. Plus, we didn’t have any spaceships of our own. The terrestrial space programme had been pretty much fucked by the shell. Apart from launching satellites and sending probes to stare uselessly at the shell, all that effort had fallen by the wayside. But we had the Hellevance, and they had spaceships in abundance. As a culture that habitually planet-hopped and expanded, they were more than happy to lend us a spaceship, as long as they could come along. No one argued with that – who the fuck knows how to pilot a Hellevant spaceship?

Qoth was five planets up-orbit from Earth – “up-orbit” being how we described planets ahead of us in the direction the chain of worlds circuited the trinary star cluster – or seven planets down-orbit, if you’re a half-empty glass person. I wish I could say that the trip was a tremendous adventure, but it was nothing like the hair-raising exploits of our failed attempts to reach Mars, in advanced but hopelessly fragile tin cans with untested technology, little or zero gravity and the constant risk of death at any second. Nope, the Hellevance were long-time pros. Gravity, comfort, reassuring humming technology and proper food made it the opposite of those fart-filled human canisters. Obviously we did spent quite a lot of time in the observation lounges, watching Earth dwindle with the Hellevant environment engines as visible as the cloud systems. It was already looking a lot better than it had when the Geshiiil first installed the space elevator. We were at least getting our atmosphere back on track. There were exciting plans in the works to un-fuck the seas, with similar engines to filter all the crap out. After that – and the idea that there could be another “after that” after such astonishing endeavours was almost overwhelming – would come species reintroduction, making use of the vast DNA banks that had been populated early in the days of being in the shell, before so much went extinct. Our cloning technology was good, and the Li had some cool ideas about introducing variety into the cloning cycles so you didn’t just end up with a hundred identical tigers fucking each other. For example. It was all so good and positive that I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop: crypt-space. We knew the Vaunted would be calling on us at some point, which was partly why I was keen to get some off-world time with the Qoth or whoever. The implication had been that we three, or at least the things in our heads, were going to be important. We’d spent far too little time exploring what else they could do, and the Qoth had provided us with an opportunity to play with something unimaginable – networking the oneirocytes in a species that didn’t have an unconscious. And poke around an alien planet, obviously.

Qothima emerged along the chain – a bright green bubble against the velvet blackness of space. The trip hadn’t taken long, just eight days of smooth travel through our unnatural solar system. We’d pressed our faces to the screens as we’d passed other worlds too, but this was the one we were getting off on. As it drew closer, we saw that Qothima was mostly greenery with far less ocean area than we had on Earth. It was mostly one huge continent pocketed by seas. Looked nice. As we hove into orbit, the familiar shape of a Geshiiil space station and elevator grew larger. That was ridiculously reassuring. I was excited, but more than a little nervous about this (despite my claims to the contrary with Gex and Scoro), and the homely sight of the space station took the edge off. I was amazed by how quickly we’d embraced such new additions to our world. But look what we had before, I guess. If only everyone back home felt the same way…

We were unloaded into the space station, which proved to be almost identical to Earth’s. Clearly the Geshiiil had gone for compatibility and a proven design choice. The three unconscious Qoth were shipped out ahead of us, to be installed in a custom-built laboratory environment knocked up by the Qoth while we were in transit. We got on the elevator and descended into a continent-wide forest.

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Six (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

Qothima was a hell-world of constantly screaming animals. Bird-things, mostly. They apparently spent every waking moment (and nothing on Qothima dreams like a human does) from dawn to dusk screaming, and then spend half the night making a noise like someone hammering on a door. We were told that it’s a constant assertion of their territorial ownership of whatever branch or nest they’ve constructed out of spit and leaves. It’s ghastly. What possibly made it even worse is that the indigenous species can’t even really hear it. They just hear the subsonic rumbles that humans can’t even perceive. The sounds in our hearing spectrum weren’t the main event, though one of the Qoth confessed that they sometimes chose to hear the racket as a kind of aural aphrodisiac. Fascinating people. The noise proved to be the main challenge in setting up the lab and little community for all those who had travelled from Earth with us. Really good sound proofing would be essential, lest we all went insane. Once that was established, Qothima became a truly gorgeous and almost silent world. Everything lives in the canopy there – the ground is strictly for suckers and eaters of the dead, we never even saw it. The trees grow close together, with branches creating interlocking strata from something like fifty feet above the ground to their final height, nearly a kilometre up in the air. We were regularly reminded not to go outside on our own, and definitely not to descend to any of the lower levels.

The Qoth population were mostly spread around the top half-kilometre or so of the world-spanning forest. There they’d taken advantage of the natural shapes of the trees and branches to build their cities into the greenery. Wood’s always been a critically important building material back home, but here it’s almost all they’ve got. They do have a lot more kinds of wood, mind. While we did fun things like extract the cellulose from trees to enhance steel and other materials, the Qoth had forests growing on top of the forests which they tuned and tweaked to produce wood spanning virtually the whole range of materials we use, from glass and plastic analogues, to incredibly hard woods that would make the hardiest lumberjack cry.

Our little compound was built from a mix of these, and it felt like the Qoth were showing off just a bit. They’d been little specific use to the rest of the planets in the chain, having only wood-related technology and their weird spiritual beliefs to offer. The Vaunted didn’t seem to care: the Qoth still got invited to things, and received whatever support they might need from the Geiliiish and everyone else. They’d more or less given up pestering the other worlds about their missing god-star in the face of baffled and apologetic responses. The unshelling of Earth had perhaps offered them some hope. The compound was a great arching shape, enormous spears of hard wood sprouting from each corner, some half a mile square. Between those ribs they’d put in fully transparent walls all around the outside, so we could see (but blessedly not hear) those fucking bird things. “Bird” is a bit of a stretch of course. Evolutionary drives appear similar on lots of planets, and something evolves to fill ecological niches. Lots of space between the branches – and you know, air – meant this was a good place if you could fly, or hop and glide. Just as in the rainforests on Earth the variety was bewildering. From tiny thumb-sized pterodactyl-looking things to balloons with weird organic propellers where their bum should be, all flew around (often into the transparent fence), eating, attacking each other, and, of course – screaming. Beautiful though, once we were soundproofed. I’d never been on another world, never seen or really imagined what might live on a similar-ish planet to Earth. The Qoth had presumably been one of the ground-crawling things they were so keen that we avoided going to see, and had a degree of embarrassment about it. At least, that’s my interpretation of their immediately going off on a tangent whenever I pried. They certainly couldn’t fly. Inside the see-through walls, they built a series of buildings which looked more like wooden pumpkins than house. They certainly knew their woodcraft. Plenty of space to work, live and relax.

It was no small endeavour what the Qoth built, and it suited us very well. The three immobile, nano parasite infected Qoth were kept in a lab where equipment and technicians kept an eye on them. Once we were all settled, we got to work. For us, that work looked a lot like three people having a nap in the lab. The static interference had been reducing all through the journey to Qoth and the building phase. We hoped that meant the oneirocytes were chilling out, or at least not actively shredding the nervous system of the Qoth. Yep – that was a genuine concern of Doctor Hellesmann, which we’d not previously been aware of. The kit that should have allowed the doctors to connect to the parasites wasn’t making a connection, but that was an interface tuned to the human network, and our suspicions were that the parasites were more adaptable than anyone had expected, with typically unexpected results. I sank back into the ownworld, my spiralling white trees feeling like an extension of the real world around us. In time I’d be making some adjustments, but we’d been so busy rushing hither and thither that I hadn’t put any time into further refining my ownworld. All dreams change, and I wanted to keep growing my dream rather than becoming trapped in it. The Unity had shown us that you could build a replica of reality and just stick to it. Seriously though, if you could dream anything, why would you keep what you’ve already got in the real world. Hardly worth the effort when you can just wake up. Though the Unity couldn’t do that anymore, wherever the fuck they were. Time to find the Qoth. Since the Qoth don’t dream, the parasites wouldn’t be helping them to establish a connection between their conscious and unconscious selves or processes. We vaguely expected to find them just trapped in their “thinking” time that they used sleeping for, but first we needed to find a way in.

Gex and Scoro met me at the interchange station we’d built to unite our ownworlds, which had since evolved to allow us to wander through each other’s ownworlds at will. One thing about building imaginary stuff is that when it works as a metaphor it can be hard to tell if it’s the object or the metaphor that’s doing the work. We’d need to pull the interchange apart at some point to see if we’d now adapted the ability to inhabit the wider ownworld network between the three of us, and it was actual consent instead of an implied consent that enabled it. Fun. Anyway, it didn’t really matter which of our ownworlds we started from, and there was some degree of reassurance, and the sense of combined power when we were together in our minds.

“They don’t know how to reach us, if they’re even aware at all at the moment,” I said, “so we can’t ask them to imagine a door.”

“We’ll just make our own door, I guess.” Gex was, as ever, in favour of a direct solution.

“Let’s just see if we can feel them first,” Scoro suggested, “we’re still getting occasional waves of static – let’s follow them.”

We didn’t need the omniscient state that we’d achieved when we created the spire that contacted the Vaunted, we needed to relax and listen. Thank god we couldn’t hear those fucking alien birds, and yet… There was something. A deep booming, well below our usual register, like a quasar ticking away across the cosmos. It felt as if it was from somewhere underneath us. So we went looking. Gex peeled back layer after layer of the cogs and engines that filled her world, the ground spiralling upward into ever more convoluted chains of revolving shapes. And underneath it all, a glow that sounded like someone crying. Creepy as fuck. We laid our hands on it – cold and crisp, like sticking your fist into snow at minus thirty. It was a solid barrier, so what else could we do but knock? Nothing happened immediately, but then the crying sound stopped and the deep boom skipped a beat. We’d made contact with something. We knocked again. We waited for a bit. Someone else trying to get into your mind is a freaky thing, and if the Qoth were trapped in a realm or state they didn’t understand, someone trying to kick in a door you don’t even know is there, to a room you don’t know you’re in… well, it’s a bit disturbing. Now that we’d found this glossy glowing layer we could do something with it. Gex continued her excavations, while Scoro and I pulled it up out of the ground. A perfect sphere drifted upwards, softly glowing. In our ownworlds it wasn’t much larger than a house. Small, limited. What you might hide in or create if you don’t have any imagination. The sound of crying and the deep rumble had resumed, so I pressed my hand against the side of the sphere and pushed.

My hand entered the sphere, and my mind followed. Abruptly I was inside the glowing sphere. Internally it was the opposite – dark, pitch dark like I’ve never known before. And bigger, but probably not much larger than it seemed from the outside. And there was a presence, the feeling of light but without being in the visible spectrum. Very peculiar. I started walking around, heading for the source of the booming which filled the dark space. It’s hard to resist putting your hands out in front of you when you walk into the darkness, and I didn’t even try. That’s how I knew I’d found the Qoth. In a patch of darkness even darker than the absolute blackness of the sphere, I touched a furry shell. Nearly gave myself a goddamn heart attack. It was one of the Qoth, and now I knew it was there I could sort of see it, like a reversed shadow, pale against the dark. It wasn’t alone. The other two were here too, having automatically been joined in a network by the oneirocytes. But this wasn’t a dream, the Qoth were still asleep, or unconscious, or whatever it was that they were doing. They were huddled close together, their shells almost touching. I stood on tip-toes to see if there was anything between them, and then I saw it. The source of that feeling of light I’d been experiencing. The Qoth’s three fingered hands were outstretched, and nestling in the cradle they made, a star glowed fiercely, pulsing the blackness into the room. As if noticing my attention, it suddenly flared into bright light, almost blinding me despite this being all in the Qoths’ minds. I stumbled backwards in surprise, and with a pop, I was pushed back out of their minds and into Gex’s ownworld.

“Well that was fucking weird,” I said, and explained to the others what had just happened.

“Best talk to the fur-turtles, I reckon.” Scoro was almost certainly right. The glowing sphere still hung in the air. We’d managed to pull whatever their ownworld was into ours, we’d almost brought them into the network, but it didn’t feel as if it was the Qoth that we’d made contact with, it felt like their ownworld itself.

All this was quite hard to describe to the waiting crowd of scientists and Qoth, but the latter got really excited when I described the sun the three Qoth had been holding. Because Qoth don’t have dreams, they don’t imagine things in the same way we do. They believe. Oneirocytes link up different parts of the mind: for us that’s waking and asleep. For the Qoth, it might well be that it connects their waking mind to their believing mind. The nano parasites had put the three Qoth in direct communion with their beliefs – it had helped them create the god-star in their minds. As we had established, what’s in our heads is as real as the stuff outside it. Or it can be, sort of. The Qoth were taking that as a definite though: if they had the god-star in their heads, then there was a very real sense in which that really was the god-star, no matter that crypt-space had likely devoured the physical sun. We’d come to play with the nano parasites, not get mixed up in the Qoth’s religious worldview. But there was no escaping it. They’d found their god-star again, and they wanted us to help them get it back.

We stayed on Qothima for nearly a year. The initial attempts to make contact with the three Qoth inside their god-star network all failed, despite us being able to perceive its existence inside our ownworld, which suggested we were partly connected. The Qoth reckoned that eerie crying sound was the sheer state of bliss that the immobilised Qoth were experiencing. Bliss has very rarely made me cry, but then I’m not a furry turtle living in the canopy of an alien forest, so my expectations were worth precisely fuck all. It took a lot of perseverance, and ultimately a volunteer from the Qoth scientific delegation for us to get in. The first three Qoth had taken the nano parasites into the own hands and just banged them into their systems any old way, with no preparation and the worst possible environment. We could do better. At the very least, we now had some idea what the nano parasites were doing inside their alien hosts and might be able to guide it and its host into a more stable and predictable course. It sort of worked. We woke the nano parasite up before injecting it into the Qoth, using the interface machines to have a chat with it. That’s a bit glib, but by opening a door between my oneirocyte and it, I could feel its progress when we did inject it into the Qoth. This time, the scientists placed it carefully, not just shoving it into their whole-body spine. As the parasite encountered the seemingly endless brain stuff I slowed it down. This time the Qoth woke up a little while after initial insertion, and hadn’t lost its mind. Positive. We went back in together, and we opened a doorway far earlier in the process of assimilation and learning than I’d managed with Gex and Scoro. The Qoth hadn’t even started constructing an ownworld out of its beliefs yet, so we did it together. The darkness was, once again complete. Whatever in-built sense of faith the Qoth had, it really was consistent, and this place felt exactly the same as the Qoth ownworld I’d entered previously. This time the Qoth and I explored it together, awake in its beliefs. When we came across the trio of Qoth, I realised that this wasn’t just like the other god-star ownworld, it was the same one. The Qoth automatically inhabited the same belief space. Fuck, maybe it really was the god-star. I had no way to know for sure. I let the Qoth bask in the glow of that sun for a while, then pulled it back out into the waking world. It was overwhelmed by the experience, tears running down its face as it babbled that we had found the god-star, it was still alive, and it was inside all of them. Like I said, I didn’t want to get mixed up in their spiritual business, but when I tentatively suggested that it was, you know, sort of just in their minds, they looked so offended that we backed off from that point entirely.

We’d successfully brought the three original Qoth back into the waking world, which immediately elevated them to the rank of spiritual saviours. That was nice. It definitely made them into less miserable fucks. It did give us a proper logistical problem though. The Qoth wanted – demanded – enough nano parasites to infect their whole population. Billions of them. It was orders of magnitude more than we had available – it was enough of a challenge to dissuade them from nicking the few thousand that we did have. For a bit I was worried that we might have a full on mutiny on our hands, since they all wanted to be able to commune with their god-star, and really, by not giving them that we were really just furthering the persecution and indignities already heaped upon them by the Vaunted. The Vaunted were dicks, and I didn’t want to be lumped into that same category thank you very much. We did have the Geiliiish though, and so far there had been nothing that they couldn’t fabricate. We gave them a batch of the nano parasites to take a look at, and the technical specifications we’d retrieved from Project Tutu. Thankfully we’d only brought a couple of Earth government representatives with us, who were keen to leverage Earth technology for more substantial gains from the other worlds. When we pointed out that we’d already had quite a lot of bang for our buck – and how was reintroducing cloned pandas going – that they backed down and let us do science stuff and make friends properly. The Geiliiish were typically delighted by the project and happy to embark on some mass-manufacturing, even though it was going to take years to cultivate enough oneriocytes for the whole population. We let the Qoth figure out the logistics of how they’d dole them out to their people. Our role was simpler: train the Qoth to train each other in how to use the oneirocytes. I’ll give them this: they were highly motivated. Meeting your own god is quite the tool for learning. And all the while we maintained our connection to their growing god-star ownworld. We’d had to relocate it within our own ownworld network – each mind added to the god-star increased its size. We flung it into our sky, where it could orbit our ownworlds. Our mental realm was growing larger and more complex – we could visit aliens in our heads now!

That year on Qothima flashed past, and I grew used to the lush greens of that alien forest. We’d been training the Qoth, but also inducting a new cadre of humans into using the oneirocytes. I wondered if the Unity had been able to do this the way we learned to: once you’re in someone’s ownworld, you can do what the Vaunted did to us, and immerse them in your memories and almost instantly teach them how to manage the ownworld and the nano parasite the way we had learned. It bootstrapped a new generation of oneirocyte hosts into their ownworlds. Our network grew further, and each new addition created their own mental spaces, many of them influenced by what we’d been surrounded by on Qothima. The practice of teaching others gave us time to think about our ownworlds too, and they all grew both more complex and more personal. I finally made myself a home inside my mind; Scoro created little flying mammals halfway between a sugarglider and a cat, and released them into the ownworld network; Gex shrank all her cogs and engines down until they worked away almost imperceptibly while she grew a city made of houses like those we lived inside in our Qothima compound. It all felt so beautiful, and right. It was all going so well. We’d been away from Earth for a year, receiving occasional snippets of news about how well it was recovering and it seemed like we were finally turning a corner from the disasters of the shell. Of course I did, I was hanging out in an alien treehouse, millions of miles away from my home. It did wonders for reducing the constant stress and worry that living there had generated.

And then the Vaunted showed up again. One of their bubble-formed spaceships slid gracefully through Qothima’s atmosphere and down into the forest, silkily sliding over the tree trunks, branches, leaves and perplexed screaming birds were caught briefly in its rainbow shape and had a new reason to scream even louder. We received a polite invitation to join them in our ownworld. Clearly, our last encounter had taught them some manners. We could be haughty little bastards too when we wanted to be. The little bubble-man appeared again, standing by one of my lagoons which I’d recently begun populating with little fish. It looked vaguely pleased that the ownworld had developed, even it wasn’t all rainbow vanes and angles like theirs was. I wasn’t alone either. Scoro and Gex were there too, as were the hundred other humans we’d shared the oneirocyte with, and a delegation of the Qoth. Good on them actually: since Qoth don’t dream, they’d found our ownworld environment challenging to understand, but once we explained that we sort of believed them into existence they mostly grasped it, even if the nature of our environments disturbed them profoundly. Believing, imagining – it’s all thinking –  that’s what we had in common.

This time, instead of trying to wrench us into the Vaunted mental space, they conjured it up inside our ownworld, bringing it with them like they brought themselves. Which I guess was technically the same thing for a species that was almost entirely mental. Before us, we saw our new solar system, the pearls of our planetary necklace gleaming in the light of the three suns. Then we zoomed out, and out – our stars were still visible, the Vaunted clearly using them as a reference point. What they wanted to show us was this: a hole in space, horribly familiar from what we’d seen twenty years ago in our original solar system. Using Vaunted technology we could see it more clearly. It had opened up in a presumably uninhabited system, near a planet and we finally got to see what crypt-space looked like, and what it did. The hole was like the halo effect – the visual distortions some people get when a migraine is coming on – the fabric of vacuum fracturing, some parts occluded entirely, others moving like shattered chunks of glass, scraping past each other. I could almost feel it. The planet that it had appeared near was visibly dissolving, its matter being hoovered up into the space between it and the hole. And that was where crypt-space was emerging into the real world. From the distance we were at it looked a bit like frost flourishing across a pane of glass, except that there was no glass and the shapes lacked that curious fractal flowering of snowflakes. The Vaunted zoomed in, or got nearer, or whatever it is the Vaunted do when they’re wandering around in space. For all I knew it was a Vaunted bubble-man standing on nothing holding a telescope. The closer we got, the clearer it was that the frosting in space was massive – every bit of the planet that dissolved was being used to materialise the dead realm. A lot of it was unrecognisable shapes, towering forms – hints of architecture and organic forms flowering out of the darkness. But here and there was some human artifact, or the memory of that artifact, an idea that had died which the Vaunted was choosing to find for us: some was ridiculous, like a microwave extruding out of nothing, or a herd of horses that burst into existence, but then we started to see people. Jumbled up with everything else that was being given form again, pressed together in that mass were human faces and bodies, mouths open in screams as they suddenly regained material existence and promptly died again in the vacuum of space. We saw a thousand examples of this – thinking beings returned and snuffed out again immediately, all mashed together with the ideas of buildings, animals, whole cities tumbling in the void.

The Vaunted zoomed back out, returning our view to our little solar system. Finally it deigned to speak with us. “Crypt-space has found us. Now we must fight.”

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Seven (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

After a week being treated for inhaling the death seeds of an Alometh in the larger hospital of Elevator Town, I was finally allowed to leave. It had been quite a pleasant stay, all things considered. Certainly once I got moved away from the other fucking guy who wanted to bitch and complain about everything Vaunted. I mean, I get it. I do. The rainbow gods had fucked up space, fucked up the Earth and perhaps even worse, turned out to be colossal pricks. Being virtually immortal and omnipotent doesn’t necessarily make you a good dude. If anything, having that amount of power separates you physically and mentally from all the miserable mortals working in the grubby material world beneath you. I was a bit worried that we had become a little like them, gallivanting off into space and stuff. But we hadn’t kidnapped a bunch of planets and forced them into a war either. I say “forced”, but we weren’t forced to fight, or to deal with the other planets. Sure, that was partly a result of being so utterly screwed when the shell came down that we had very few options – accept help, or continue to die. It was a good call. Doesn’t mean a lot of people liked it. Human exceptionalism had taken a real hard kicking during the twenty years in the shell, and a lot of folks (my former roommate included) had some heavy-duty resentment for no longer being the big kid in class who could smash everyone else’s pencil cases. It’s not like a lot of these spiteful twats had done anything genuinely useful other than claim their spot in the hierarchy. And now, their rung on the ladder had been broken by their own weight, and the whole ladder was being supported by creatures whose existence they’d never even suspected. Even worse, their lives had improved immeasurably, certainly compared to five years previously. But there’s a problem in humans: if we don’t do it ourselves, can’t do it ourselves, we don’t seem to think it’s real or important. For Gex, Scoro and I, we’d seen the Vaunted’s own memories of crypt-space, and their whole heroic idiocy laid bare. Got to give them that – as far as we could tell, they hadn’t held back. That might just have been a further expression of their extraordinary arrogance. They probably hadn’t expected us to notice how dumb they’d been. They were so embedded in their view of reality that they probably hadn’t thought about how other species might view their memories – they didn’t really have bodies any more. We’d only had a few years experimenting in our ownworlds, but none of our cadre had been trained to think the ownworld was everything, even it was alluring. We’d been very clear about how the oneirocytes can fuck you up if you consider them the endgame, and they seemed to find the notion of becoming only a ball of brain wool as disturbing as we did. We’d shared our memories of the Unity with them, of course. Part of the training regime we’d developed, learning as we went, was that it was much harder to lie and skip over details in the ownworld. It was possible to edit the memories you shared, or render it free of emotion – what was the point of having mastery of our conscious and unconscious minds if we couldn’t actually control them – but that wasn’t helpful, because everyone knows there are emotions attached to memories. It was one reason why the Vaunted had shared theirs. Emotion is like colour, or sound. For thinking creatures they’re all parts of everything. And if you want someone to understand you, you have to give them everything. Radical honesty, sort of. But it’s not like we just spilled all our feelings into the ownworld and had a big sad-sack cry every day. You shared what you wanted to, if you needed to, but you did it completely. So we believed in crypt-space and the coming challenges implicitly. Persuading other people that it was real had been harder. The world government may never have truly believed us, and it wasn’t until the arrival of the aliens that it all started to make sense. Our planet having been moved was inarguable, and proof of something having happened. The idea that shit was going to get real somewhere further down the line stayed much further down that line.

Gex and Scoro turned up to get me out of the hospital, though of course we’d been in constant communication the whole time I’d been having my lungs and blood cleaned of the Alometh death particles. Gex had not stopped laughing about me having alien jizz in me since she’d learned that I’d been in the wrong waiting room. Good friends do that. The fortnight of recovery had been a good break, for my mind, if not my bruised and scrubbed body. That night we’d come down the elevator for a quiet and serious bingeing on booze had been our first break in the war for weeks. We’d been spending days at a time in our ownworlds, supported by baths of nano nutrients in which we were cocooned. It was a bit like lying in a tub of very fine and very dry rice. So fine that it was slippery and made you think it was wet, but the particles were just too small to feel properly. Exhausting work, but necessary. No wonder we wanted to get wasted – even fighting a war from inside your own head takes its toll on you. It’s weird to wake up and find that you’re wholly intact as if nothing has happened. It’s disorienting and I reckon really damaging in the long term. But that’s jumping ahead again.

When we returned to Earth after a year on Qothima, shipping down-orbit to home, we found it much changed. The seas looked bluer, the sky had lost most of its dirty look, and only a few of those massive hexagonal engines still hung in the sky. The sight of them really fucked some people off. It’s hard not to dwell on them I guess. We’d seen such cool things, and received so much assistance that it was still incredible to me that people hated the aliens for it – not just the Vaunted (fair play on that one), but the Hellevance, and even the Geiliiish who by now lived on Earth to get their work done and to train and work with the next generations of human engineers. The further you were from direct contact with and benefit from our new friends, the easier it was to label them the enemy. What’s worse is that this was a pissed off minority who screamed and shouted the loudest. Most people were fine. Maybe that’s always the way, this disproportionality making them seem important. That said, I had been glassed and then yelled at in hospital recently, so maybe I’m the bitter one. Fuck em, I guess. Earth was on its way back to a place we could live, have kids, grow old and die properly – not choked by the world, just dying in normal ordinary ways like traffic accidents. The Vaunted had notified all the worlds simultaneously, so we didn’t have to bring ill tidings home with us. I still had no clue what we were actually going to do to fight crypt-space either. The sight of those people materialising in the vacuum stayed with me. They’d just been re-born – surely we couldn’t simply go and kill them again?

The Geiliish and our engineers had been busy, constructing a new facility especially for those of us with the oneirocytes who we’d trained up on Qothima. Some folks had stayed behind, having grown used to that forest world and its people, but we were now an eighty-strong group with a sprawling ownworld network comprising eighty very different dreamworlds, but each with a dark star in its sky – our Qoth pals. Even across the vast distance between Earth and Qothima, we were all still in each other’s minds when we wanted to be. It was the best demonstration we’d had that the mental plane described by the Vaunted was real, and even though it sat side by side with the physical world, physical distance meant nothing to the proximity between minds. Which made me wond95er why the Vaunted had bothered to show up in a rainbow ship. Good for those without access to the ownworld I guess, and a nice reminder of their power and all-round importance. There was another one still waiting on Earth, suggesting they were at last getting involved properly now that we’d done all that tedious making our homes habitable stuff: boring physical shit. There were also new spaceships in orbit. Some were ours – part of the redevelopment of Earth was establishing our place and asserting that humans weren’t just losers looking for a handout. We had our own spaceships now. Trade and the beginnings of immigration and emigration were being tentatively established with the other worlds. We weren’t the only humans to be meeting and working with aliens – or new friends, as we preferred to call them. The human spaceships were fine, leaning heavily on new toys from the Geiliiish and the Hellevance, but they were ours now. It was a good demonstration that we were back on our feet, and getting involved. But there were spaceships of a style I hadn’t seen before: petal-shaped arcs of gleaming white, things that looked like pomander balls (the oranges studded with cloves like a weird bondage fruit that you see at Christmas sometimes), a good solid pyramid that had its middle knocked out. All these and more were hanging around in Earth orbit. It was beginning to look like a fleet was being assembled.

Once we’d debarked into the up-top space station we were immediately redirected to a new annex. All gleaming white and cool, it had the fresh smell of Geiliiish fabrication. There we started to get filled in on the plan, as well as getting an almighty shock. Like all good briefings those days, we met up in both the ownworld, for those of us capable of it, as well as in a huge circular room with big screens so everyone could see the same stuff at the same time. We just saw it all a bit more directly. While we’d been on Qothima, crypt-space had continued to swell, sucking in the solar systems that it had emerged into previously. Our home systems, in other words. It’s not like we didn’t know that was what was happening, but it was still a shock to hear that there was never going to be a home to go back to. I’m not sure when I’d started thinking of Earth and its whole solar system as our home, but I suppose it was in-built, like having the Moon and the Sun. They’d been there forever, and even though we’d been taken away from them, I guess I’d vaguely imagined that we’d be going back there one day, returned to our spot in orbit. But of course we weren’t. The gravitic distortions of crypt-space sucking up matter, like our neighbouring planets, and spouting the reinstantiated dead ideas back into space had continued, spilling into the physical world until they ran out of matter to convert. Those holes in space were now inert, apparently, or almost. Having consumed everything – planets, sun, asteroid belts and the dust that hangs between worlds, the emergence had slowed to a trickle of ideas popping into existence. The problem was that there was more stuff in crypt-space than in the universe. While matter gets broken back down and reused when suns go nova, or when someone dies and they turn into fancy compost, the matter and energy is mostly reused as something else. When ideas die, and the minds of those now pushing up the flowers drift upward into crypt-space, they just stay there. And there have been an awful lot of sentient species who had lived and died in the cosmos. All their ideas and minds were up there, all stacked up or whatever. There was more in there than there was matter in the universe, and if crypt-space broke out entirely, they’d hoover up everything there was, and there would be no room for the living. The Vaunted were rather concerned that those “inert” rifts in space continued to consume something, possibly cosmic rays and light, which was why stuff was still emerging, even if they were now doing so very slowly. And there were more holes. Of course there were. And since crypt-space seemed to hug closest to the material realm where minds existed, there had been an excellent chance of crypt-space finding us here.

The idea that we were being hunted by the dead did nothing for my nerves. Even if wasn’t really intentional, I’d seen far too many zombie and mummy horror movies when I was a kid to not shudder at the thought. It really was zombie space, and all it wanted was miiiinds. The Vaunted had been unable to close the hole in space that they created when dicking around with the fabric of reality. Even though they were basically gods, they were too deeply embedded in the mental strata of existence, and lacked sufficient presence in the duality of material and mental space. That was where we came in – humans, specifically. Horribly rooted in the dirty life and death of the physical universe, but through the nano parasites we’d attained a control over the mental realm too, without losing our bodies. More importantly, using the oneirocytes correctly meant that we could do more than just build our own imaginary worlds. We’d had a taste of what it’s like when you use the mental to deliberately affect the physical, creating form using just the power we had access to fro69m the ownworlds. It was the same manipulation of reality that the Vaunted had used to tear open space, and to form shells around our worlds and move them here. We’d done it first when we created the “hello tower”, a structure that even now speared up through Earth’s atmosphere. The Geiliiish told us that it was made of ordinary matter, that we’d converted the atoms in the atmosphere into the fabric of the object. Doing in seconds what stars did over eons, converting matter into new elements by reorganising protons and neutrons and all that atomic scale business. The advantage of doing it from the ownworld was that you didn’t really need to understand how we did it. Since we were just petty mortals, though, we’d need some help.

The new spaceships in orbit belonged to aliens we hadn’t met before: the Calus and the Tel. As they were introduced, we felt the weight of their awareness inside the ownworld. They were saying hello and asking to join the network. It was a council of war, after all, so we let them in. They sent only a small delegation, two of each. They appeared in the ownworld in presumably the same forms that they had in the real world – I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met them off their ships. Their atmosphere is quite incompatible with ours, and with most of the other worlds. The Calus essentially breathe acid – their whole world is a bubble of toxic death, so they stay on their ships, and the Tel are similarly unsociable. Although they’re two distinct species, they’re not originally from the same planet. The Tel escaped some planetary catastrophe of their own and shacked up on the Calus’ world. They don’t breathe acid. They just stay on their spaceships because that’s where they’d been living the whole time they were on the Calus homeworld, because it was toxic to them too. Since we’d been moved to our new solar system the Tel had been eyeing that dead world at the end of the chain, but as yet had made no overt claims to take it over. For now they just lived in the space between the worlds, free at last of Calus’ atmosphere. What we realised immediately was that they had nano parasites. There’s a familial resemblance to how the mental realms feel – even the Qoth felt identifiably linked by the same underlying technology, even in a non-physical space. And the Calus and Tel representatives had that same vibe. I had many questions, since as far as I knew, we’d managed to keep hold of all the nano parasites that we’d retrieved from Project Tutu. Sure, we’d given a bunch to the Qoth and the Geiliiish to manufacture more, but we’d never even heard of these new guys.

That’s when Doctor C showed up. With a fucking smile and a wave. She emerged into the shared ownworld space next to the little bubble-man, invited in by the Vaunted. Now we knew where the Unity had gone – the Vaunted had liberated them and utterly failed to mention it.

“What the actual fuck is she doing here?” Gex demanded, always keen to take the lead in diplomacy.

“A valued resource,” said the Vaunted.

“So kind,” added Doctor C, looking incomparably smug, “we’ve been very busy preparing for your arrival. With the Calus and Tel,” a polite nod in their direction, “we’ve been assembling tools that will amplify the latent abilities of the nano parasites to manipulate matter in the physical realm.”

“If you’ve got the fucking Unity, what do you need us for?”

“Alas, the Unity network, having pre-emptively abandoned their physical bodies, have the same limitation as we, the Vaunted do. They lack the capacity to interact dualistically like the humans.”

Yeah, that was a nice slap in the face for the murderous doctor. She at least looked a bit embarrassed about that. Just a little too hasty to kill people and escape the real world. I wondered where all their oneirocytes were. Probably stuffed in a box somewhere. I found that I rather did want to know exactly where they were, just so we could definitively avoid them.

“Still got no bodies, eh?” Gex tactfully enquired.

“The Unity has no need for physical presence,” declared Doctor C haughtily.

She was about to continue when the Talus helpfully chipped in, “Given the nature of their ascension, we determined it was better for the rest of humanity that their request for clone bodies was denied.”

Most definitely another one in the face for the Unity. We didn’t need that pack of killers in the real world. I was alarmed by the idea that they’d been trying to get new bodies. Maybe Doctor C had realised they were mistaken in leaving their bodies behind. But none of us had really known whether the shell was coming down again and it had seemed like a somewhat sensible plan, minus the killing everyone part. I wondered how all the people who had been sacrificed for the project felt, knowing that if they’d just waiting a few more months or days, we’d have been released from the shell and found ourselves a whole new life. Pretty fucking bitter, I’d imagine. That’s if all of them even were separated from the meat bodies and preserved as whole minds, or if they were just spare parts like we’d been intended to be. Fuck – maybe it was just Doctor C, Hest and few trusted cronies wandering in their winter wonderland. We never did meet any of the project’s “subjects” down in those tunnels. And now we were working with the motherfuckers again. I’d be having words with the Vaunted about that, and Earth government were going to be really annoyed about the Vaunted just nicking the Unity without telling anyone. But all that was for another day. Right now we were going to see the tools we’d use to end crypt-space, before it ate us all.

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Eight (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

We’d been planning to take it easy for a little while between battling crypt-space – it’s why were were on Earth at all, for a few drinks. My encounter with the Alometh drew that out a bit further. Having a couple of weeks off from the front-lines. It meant the rest of my battle-pod were also on leave, by default. After we’d returned to Earth and seen the approaching storm of crypt-space rifts opening in nearby solar systems, the prospect of the fight was all too real. While we and the Qoth had been expanding our use of the nano parasites, the Vaunted and their new pals, the fucking Unity, had been developing the technological aspects of our armed forces. No tanks, no guns, no bombs. Not unless we wanted them… Crypt-space couldn’t just be bombed into oblivion like a rogue state. The Vaunted had tried many different tactics as the enormity of their error in tearing open space to find the place where ideas went when we died. Crypt-space is the recreation of ideas from the mental realm back into physical form. It uses up huge amounts of matter to reinstantiate a thinking being – a soul – into the universe again. But it also gives new life to raw concepts and ideas. It was all too abstract for humans to deal with – ultimately we had to meet it face to face before we could really wrap our heads around it. But shooting holes in space was exactly as successful as it sounded – crypt-space cheerfully welcomed the extra matter and energy and turned it into more dead things. Squeezing the rifts between gravities didn’t work either, as the Vaunted ran through their whole toolbox of celestial mechanics. When they focused on creating matter directly through thought they had the first glimmers of success, but as a species so nearly free of physical presence, they were closer to what crypt-space was made of than the physical universe itself. You go and open a tomb and the zombies that stumble out basically think you’re one of them. Awkward. The inhabitants of the twelve worlds (presumably, if we include the one that’s just cinders) were all still resolutely physical beings, but with the added existence of minds and thoughts that granted us access to the mental realm, further enhanced by the nano parasites that humans had developed.

My battle-pod was one of just fifteen. We’d divvied up the eighty human oneirocyte hosts, added a Qoth, and a Tel, both with parasites of their own. The oneirocytes had proved to be terrifyingly adaptable, with the training that we (or the Unity, in the case of the Tel) had provided, the little grey strings had wormed their way into both the furry tripedal turtles of the Qoth as well as found some purchase in the Tel. The latter were spindly figures, not unlike daddy longlegs that seemed to be made entirely of varnished bone. They spoke unnervingly through a complex of fluted vanes low down on its body which came across as a someone talking through a whistle. Somehow, the nano parasites had found some way to get through that apparently bone structure. However they had managed it, Doctor C and Project Tutu had created something quite remarkable. We were teamed up with the aliens for a good reason – the ownworld runs on imagination, intention and will. Humans were the only true dreamers in the species here assembled. It’s not that the others lacked imagination – their technological and cultural development clearly showed imagination – but the way they thought didn’t have the same freewheeling unconscious component. They didn’t dream wild worlds full of incredible tedium like we did every night. And with the oneirocytes we could trigger that chaotic, intuitive search for ideas whenever we wanted to. Qoth provided the sheer will of absolute belief. Their ownworld was intimate, direct contact with their god-star – real by as an article of the innate belief that defined their mental existence. The Tel were our focal point, combining the syntheses of imagination and belief, and providing the link to the weapons that had been built by the Calus, Hellevant and Geiliish. Fifteen pods structured in this way, acting independently but able to coordinate through the shared access to the ownworld. But for the pods to function we had to construct smaller, more intimate networks between each ten entities. These we called “ourworlds”, a shared creation from which we could work. The ourworld that Gex, Scoro and the others built was redolent with possibility: we sliced the top off a mountain, perfectly smooth and level. We were surrounded by a thick mass of clouds, concealing the unknown space below – imaginary potential for anything to be underneath that cumulus layer. It was to be our war-room, our play area, both of these and something else altogether.

The first time we set out for crypt-space proved to be a gruelling test of our combined resources and a shocking introduction to what we were going to be fighting. The great petal-shaped ships in orbit around Earth were our homes for this war. They were paired with the enormous pyramidal shapes we’d seen drifting near the up-top space station. The latter were our supply train. Three of the petal-ships took the fifteen pods out into space. Even though the Vaunted had shown us where crypt-space rifts had opened “relatively” nearby, the universe is so fucking stupidly big that the described distances make no sense to me. It was in travelling there, using the clever engines that the Hellevance used for their planet-hopping, that I got some sense that crypt-space was not far away at all. It had taken a week to get from Earth to Qoth, and that was within our little system (and we hadn’t been in a frantic rush), and it took just two weeks to reach the solar system currently being torn apart by crypt-space. We weren’t travelling at anything like the same speed, but my dumb human brain was starting to get the sheer imminence of the threat. To smart species who do maths as a by-product of just being alive, our Tel colleague was hugely amused at my failure to grasp measurements or dimensionality. Twat. I liked him though, Hessex. Within our petal ship, the ten of us were held in cocoons, each filled with a nutrient gel comprised of yet more nano particles that felt slippery because they were so fine. They protected us from acceleration (we were going quite quickly), fed us, did whatever our bodies needed support doing so that we could live entirely in the ourworld for the duration of the mission. It also meant the Hellevance didn’t have to waste time with gravity or any such nonsense – the cocoons were physically joined to each other, hanging in spherical chambers like a sprawling metal bush with ten huge gooseberries hanging off it. There was no particular order or rank to our positions, but it had ended up with Hessex at the very top – his spindly limbs folding down into the open pod had given me an atavistic shudder, but he was funny, in a very Tel way. My cocoon was right underneath, and my friends Gex and Scoro slotted in around us. The other five human hosts and our Qoth, whose name was so much too long to pronounce that we called it “G” in protest at its excessive length, all lay unconscious in their cocoons. We waved faintly in the space, the movement related to whatever involuntary movements we made while our bodies slept. Our minds were busy.

A new solar system, a humble orange star with fifteen planets of varying sizes and compositions – rocky close to the star, huger and larger gaseous masses further out. Not a lot different to home really, which was of course gone by now. The petal ships split as we roared into the system, each petal home to one pod of dreamers, and accompanied by its own pyramid, spinning ahead of us. I’d never seen the hole in space near Saturn, just the images that distant probes captured of it. It had looked strange, like the fractured sight some people get with a migraine, that halo erasing parts of the perceptible world and doing strange things to shapes that move between the new panes we see the world through. Up close it like that but worse. The rift glowed, illuminated by the atomic processes of dissolving a planet and converting its matter into new, dead life. The plan was that we would never get physically close enough to it for it to reach us. There was no point giving it both more matter to play with, or worse, a bunch of living minds to kill. Our minds would translate instantly upward through the mental realm as soon as we were separated from our bodies, and then into crypt-space, presumably to be promptly spat back out into the real world and become an even greater part of the problem. We’d trained with our new technology, which focused the power of the ownworld to generate objects in the real world. Rather than being as haphazard as we’d achieved with our “hello tower”, the Calus had designed these pyramids as concentrations of nano matter. It was as smart as technology got, and in combination with the Tels in our pods focusing our ideas, the nano matter would form into whatever we imagined and we’d effectively teleoperate it into action. It seemed like a good plan.

“Contact,” Scoro declared, as our petal ship and its pyramid fell into the defined orbital distance from the rift. Other petals were taking up similar positions, all ready to either attack or swap with an exhausted pod. We anticipated some degree of mental exhaustion, or ship damage and had enough backup, we thought, to press this first encounter before retreating and assessing our effectiveness.

Crypt-space yawned open before us, glittering frames of converting matter. Falling out of crypt-space were the dead. An amalgamation of structures were being given life, seemingly at random: an immense spire extended out of nowhere, spearing towards our petal. From its rocky walls sprang a greater array of smaller objects. Zooming in, we could see they were bodies and twisting shapes that might have been the concepts of useful devices or hope and shame made suddenly incarnate once more. We’d discussed this in advance, and from our mountain top ourworld, we started to dream. Out in space the nano matter began to unravel from the pyramid and formed planes of slashing blades that fanned out like a flower, and began shredding the approaching spire and its offshoots. The newly animated matter fractured and disintegrated under the blades, pulverised back into ordinary matter which fell toward the nearest gravity well: crypt-space. Whatever we smashed it was sucked back towards its source and reborn as something new. We imagined alternative tactics, a new formation of massive cutting arms with something like a giant vortex at its heart. As we struck the crypt-space emergents they shattered and were sucked through our weapon, accelerated and flung further off into the solar system, well away from crypt-space itself. Once it entered the real world, those dead things were real again and we could break them. It felt like an achievement, and between us our petals were battering the new creations back down to their component molecules and clearing space between us and crypt-space. The problem ultimately was that the rift could continue to suck up the planet that was supplying it with most of its matter. Each petal-ship had a Vaunted presence available through the ourworld, and we summoned the little bubble-man to our mountain top. Through the clouds around us rose up the original imaginations of the tens-of-miles wide bladed tools that hacked into real space.

The Vaunted looked characteristically politely interested in our activities, as if there wasn’t a cosmic struggle that they’d dragged us into going on outside. The humans and Qoth were making shapes out of the air in front of them, refining the tools we’d built to more speedily despatch the emergence from crypt-space. We were almost keeping pace with its creations, but as long as the planet was there, we couldn’t make any more headway. Either we waited while it destroyed the planet, and risked wearing out our own supply of nano materials, or we got the Vaunted to move the planet. With a shrug the Vaunted consented.

It was weird to see from the outside. Last time we’d seen the Vaunted enclose a planet we’d been inside. But now we saw those massive segments materialise and fold in around the planet like a flower closing. In doing so, they would cut crypt-space off from its source and matter, and the Vaunted would tug it away from the battle. Whatever crypt-space had left we should be able to handle, based on what we’d seen so far. Hessex was fairly confident that we had enough nano matter left to annihilate its remaining intrusions.

Of course, that’s where it all went wrong. In lieu of a proper technical explanation, which the Hellevance and Vaunted would later supply when they reviewed the battle, let me just say that crypt-space went fucking mental. As the planet closed up and began to move away the rift convulsed, almost turning itself inside out. Where before the shapes that emerged had seemed random, now a continuous flow of objects emerged, printed into real matter as they made contact with the vacuum. An enormous claw of shattered dreams, made up of screaming bodies dying as they entered the cold unbreathable space, tore at the Vaunted shell, peeling off one of the enclosing segments like it was ripping apart an orange. The bubble-man looked, for the first time, perturbed. The claw reached all the way inside the shell, spilling shapes and condensing matter the whole time and ripped out the heart of the planet, hauling it back towards the rift itself. We had planned for the slow and steady annihilation of the planet, not for crypt-space to suddenly have access to hundreds of billions of tonnes of matter in one go. The whole of local space shuddered, shaking us in our cocoons and even making the ground quake in the ourworld. More claws lashed out of crypt-space, given a faster route to life, and they were reaching for the petal ships. One claw, looking like the contents of a child’s toy box haphazardly glued together and mashed into to the shape of a hand lunged across the void, smashing through the depleted nano matter pyramid, and daggering straight down through the petal ship behind as it desperately tried to twist away. We twisted away from yet another claw, and intervened, spinning up a dozen more of the machines that had been so successful at hacking the things apart before. Even as they made contact and began slicing away at the claws, space rippled again and a more massive shape emerged. Because you don’t get a claw on its own, do you? You get an arm for each claw, and for the arms you get a torso. And that’s what was now dragging its way out of crypt-space, coming into existence as it crossed the threshold into normal space. It was a many-armed figure, each arm joined to its body at an unsettling angle with too many elbows. Between those horrid shoulders, a rounded, headless body. It didn’t need  a head, because an array of red eyes blinked open in what might have been its chest if it was from Earth, and a trembling black hole underneath. It’s important to emphasise just how fucking enormous this thing was. Not only did it have hands large enough to grab an appreciable chunk of a planet, it was more like the size of a star, hanging in space. As we attacked it with all that we had, the crypt-space thing reached out, seized the whole planet – Vaunted shell and all – and thrust it into the hole that opened up beneath its eyes. The claw that had pierced the petal ship casually shredded it, dragging half of it into that awful mouth, which we saw was the rift. The cosmic tear had turned itself inside out, and now the maw of this… thing… was the rift itself, literally feeding on reality.

We heard the screams and felt the panic of our colleagues as the petal ship with its pod of dreamers vanished into crypt-space, and then their nerve-shredding horror stopped abruptly. Then the crypt-space monster turned towards the other petal ships, and we fled. What had once seemed to be random outpourings of dead minds into the real world had become something else, something worse. A gestalt entity, its body made up of the materialised forms of the dead ideas it comprised. It was hungry, it knew we were there, and it was coming for us.

The Hellevant got us out of the star system far faster than humanly possible, our petals sliding back into their combined forms, the heavily eroded pyramids towed along in our wake. From the sensors looking backwards, the crypt-space form was following us. We’d wondered what our enemy truly was, and how we might fight it. We thought we knew what we were dealing with, but we’d threatened an entire dimension of the universe and it seemed really pissed off. It had seemed weird that the Vaunted had characterised this as a war to begin with. I’d thought of it more as a war against a disease, or maybe a natural feature like a volcano. They did their thing, destructive simply as an aspect of their nature. But it wasn’t personal, there was no animosity in a lava flow entombing a city. It was just regrettable, but only from our perspective. Crypt-space had seemed like that. Perhaps it was just that the way the realm had torn open, its reborn minds had died in vacuum, being returned into an environment that wasn’t for them at all, that made them seem like so much random junk. But if we could combine our minds and create a reality in the ownworld and ourworld, couldn’t a bunch of disembodied dead minds do the same thing? It looked like it, and right then they seemed to have the advantage of desperate imagination over our alliance. We headed home to lick our wounds, panic a whole lot more, regroup and go back out to fight again. Whatever crypt-space had become, whatever the Vaunted thought they’d broken into, we’d succeeded into catalysing it from cosmic threat to something personal.

Stolen Skies – Part Twenty-Nine (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

“The great thing about war is how it really drives technological progress forward.” The Lesved had flipped into lecturing mode when we returned from our abject failure against crypt-space. We’d lost an entire petal ship containing its pod of ten dreamers – we’d felt their shock and horror through the ownworld network as they were consumed by the rift in space and converted into their base atoms, turned into some dead life that fell back into the real world. We hadn’t even been close to the rift, we’d thought we were safe, that we could prosecute this war at a distance. That this might be the first war ever where there were no casualties. We were wrong about that, and I wondered if we were wrong about everything. But the Lesved were still banging about something from their tanks filled with red liquid (it’s not for nothing that less kind humans had dubbed them “vamps”), their weird spatulate hands and feet waving for emphasis.

“But that progress cannot be controlled or limited. We developed these tools for manipulating matter, and crypt-space has responded. The escalation from this point cannot be predicted. Either we permit both sides to continue escalating their military technology in the hopes that we’ll be slightly faster than crypt-space, or we grind forward at the existing level. The nano resources we’re deploying are inherently adaptable, so the war cannot help but radically escalate . We must be prepared for greater losses, and greater aggression in our tactics.”

Greater losses sounds OK until you realise we lost twelve and a half percent of our dreamers in our very first encounter. I thought the problem was one of imagination: we’d attacked what we thought was like a flood, so we erected metaphorical barricades and tried to beat the sea into retreat. We’ve got a long history of fucking that idea up right here on Earth. Crypt-space had responded imaginatively to our fairly mundane creations, which suggested a couple of things to me. One, it had access to imagination – even if it was responding instinctively, it was doing so in a creative way. So, I was inclined to discount raw instinct, it felt a lot more like the sort of thing you might do in a dream. Two, it opened up a new arena for the battle. If we didn’t just have to imagine hammers to whack space nails, we could use our pooled minds to pitch the battle between any objects or entities. Humans might be tool-users, but our dreams aren’t exactly filled with the thrill of measuring things and making wheels. Alright, some of our best and brightest innovators and scientists must have dreamed mostly numbers and right-angles, but it sure wasn’t my forte, all right?

“I think they’re dreaming,” I interrupted, internally smirking at the Lesved in the tank’s expression at being cut off part way through its lecture. “I think crypt-space is unconscious and acting like it’s in a dream when it enters our physical world. If we’re going to fight this thing we need to treat it like it’s thinking, not just as a jumble of mad stuff falling through space.”

We argued a lot. It’s what happens when you get a dozen species together and present them with failure. While we were planning for this it was all fine and lovely, but no one likes to lose, and no one enjoys being told that their weapons, plans or ideas worked out terribly. There was a lot of sulking and bitterness. The Vaunted seemed impossibly bored, and only wanted us to decide where we would attack crypt-space again. I remained very conscious of that 12.5% we’d lost in battle. The ownworlds of those we’d lost were still accessible in the shared ourworld. Our network of oneirocytes still held the memory of their private worlds, even if their dreamers were gone. It was eerie to see them at the periphery of ourworld. They even seemed darker, greyer than they had when their dreamers were still alive. Presumably their worlds would remain until the rest of us consciously allowed the network to remove them. They just sat there empty, bereft and waiting for the dreamers to return.

We did return to the war. The Hellevance had to begin dismantling another pair of star systems to generate the volume of nano materials we thought we might need. We went for smaller rifts, avoiding the terrifying figure that had defeated us previously. The Vaunted kept an eye on that thing as it devoured the rest of the solar system that had birthed it. We left it the fuck alone. But we did attempt to apply what we’d learned from the first rift we fought. We deprived them of resources, the Vaunted whisking whole worlds away from them as we arrived in-system. The rifts responded to us like the first one had, but lacking the resources that the Beast had (not a great name, but it was the only one that seemed to exist in every species’ vocabulary) it could manage less radical and dangerous transformations. Where the crypt-space emergents twisted into horned and tentacled creatures that lunged for us, we manifested space-striding dragons and burned them to ash. Unleashing our imaginations felt… right. The awkwardness of imagining a machine that would chop up the dead faded as the dead conjured more familiar dangers: every claw, feather, tooth and wing that existed in their collective dead unconsciousness was brought to vivid life, composed of the broken wreckage of thoughts formed in the void. We felt like dragon hunters now, lancing through their creations with kilometre-long weapons, battering them with the giant claws of our rampaging lions, or the monstrous bird-spider things that the Kel threw into the mix. Most effective were the shapes of creatures the Qoth had glimpsed way down on the forest floor of Qothima: sharp, worm-like hydras that pierced the crypt-space creations and tore them apart.

This was a battle we could win – while the resources of both sides were finite, ours limited by what the Hellevance could equip us with, and crypt-space limited by the matter it could consume before we slammed into it with maximum aggression – I was increasingly certain that it was a fight between an unconscious mind and a conscious one. The latter was us, of course. The skillset that the oneirocytes had given us was that we could use our conscious and unconscious minds simultaneously and in synthesis. There should be no contest between those two states. And in the lesser battles, there wasn’t. We’d rip the crypt-space reinstantiations to dust and suck all matter out of the rift in space until it hung there, inert, nothing falling into the real world. Even the foaming crystallisation around its edges faded away. It looked like it was dead, but it was still open. Those we’d pushed back so far we had the Vaunted continue to monitor, in case we were wrong.

Each tour comprised weeks of travel, followed by a truly exhausting and intense battle which in some cases lasted weeks of continuous existence in the ourworld, creating and responding to our opponent. The Hellevant had adapted their pyramids of matter to process physical materials we encountered in transit and convert that into new nano matter. In the more violent clashes the pyramids would even seize the wreckage of crypt-space that we loosed from its conglomerate bodies, rendering it into more nano matter that we could stab it with. Our arms race had inadvertently given us the same basic requirement for physical stuff, and a very similar method for taking it.

After a successful battle with crypt-space, in which we’d beaten a rift back from its hungry onslaught against a binary star system, our petal-ship and its pods got some shore leave. That’s when we went down the elevator for a pint or two of homebrew gin. That’s when I ended up in hospital after inhaling an Alometh. While I was hanging around, getting my blood and lungs cleaned out, I spent most of my time in my ownworld. I caught up on the rest of my pod – Gex and Scoro had led the others on a fairly epic series of pub crawls which I was annoyed to have missed out on. Hessex, our Tel, had stayed up in orbit to hang out with the rest of the Tel who were up there tinkering with the devices that controlled the nano matter. G, our Qoth, had wandered off into some of the great human libraries, exploring the history of a species which had once lived in trees. Funny bunch all round. We’d become very close, living cooped up in each other’s minds for months at a time. I avoided the ourworld we’d created to conduct our battles, and instead wandered off through my own pale forests, seeking a measure of peace. With our new tactics we hadn’t lost anyone else. We’d burned through a shocking amount of physical stuff though, and I’d begun to wonder if we’d end up using more matter to fight crypt-space than it had stolen so far. The difference was that we could both run out of stars to convert into matter, but even if crypt-space consumed the whole physical universe, there would still be more of it in its own dead mental realm. Without really thinking about it, I’d wandered out of my domain and found myself in silent shadows. I’d crossed ourworld and walked a few feet into one of the dead ownworlds. I couldn’t tell if it was really darker than the rest of the worlds, or if that was just my imagination making it feel darker, which was the same thing, really. I hadn’t been inside since before its creator, Vasselt, had died in that first battle. Vasselt had been one of the first cohort of students we’d helped integrate the oneirocytes on Qothima. Her ownworld was a series of graceful curves and twisted planes of glazed porcelain. It was like someone had taken a china shop, turned it into spaghetti and flung it into the air, where it hung, twisting gently in abstract patterns. It was lovely, but strange to see it all still moving.

In a constantly shifting world, you’d think it was hard to detect motion, but the cycle of the porcelain elements was regular, if strange. I caught a flash of irregular movement out of the corner of my eye. Like a bird flitting between branches, caught against a full moon. None of the animal creations from the other ownworlds entered these dead realms. We didn’t really know why, most likely they inherited their creators’ preferences and feelings about the dead ownworlds, but still, it could have been a crow or something more exotic. That motion again, ahead of me this time, flickering between the rotating ceramic vanes. I pursued it, curious and since I was technically on some kind of sick leave, I really did have nothing better to do, since Scoro refused to let me seek out any booze. Something to do with having had all my internal organs recently scrubbed left them rather vulnerable to recreations that were technically poison. I followed the flickering snub of darkness through the twisting shapes. It stopped at last, and let me catch up. I approached cautiously. There wasn’t much in the ownworld that could surprise me, not the human parts anyway. The Tel areas were… odd, but that reflected their entirely different physical and mental make-up, so was surprisingly different, but it all felt like it belonged. This was different. Huddled between two half-shells of ceramic lace, a dark shape flickered in and out of existence. It was like looking at some high speed film of a person’s life, terribly scratched and distorted, hanging in the air. I stared for a long while before I realised what I was seeing – a human figure – turning towards me again and again, hands reaching out for me. The flickering slowed enough that her face came clear as it faced me over and over: Vasselt. Blackened and riven with static, but it was her. Abruptly the vision froze in place, and a thin sound croaked out of it: “help us.”

I fell backwards in shock, Vasselt’s what – ghost? – stood fixed before me, arm outstretched in supplication. And then it all dissolved, leaving me alone in her porcelain realm. I summoned Gex, Scoro and the other members of my pod immediately – couched as a polite invitation rather than a pull, I didn’t want to stun them too badly. They all materialised in Vasselt’s ownworld, and recognised it immediately.

“The fuck are you doing, Evanith, aren’t you supposed to be wringing out your kidneys or something?” asked Gex, eyeing her surroundings. “Well, this is morbid.”

“Kinda,” I started, “but I I’ve found something. Vasselt’s still here. Or she was.”

The inevitable uproar ensued, but I got them all to shut up by showing them my memories of the last five minutes. The ownworld is great: no need for an argument when you can just show them what you saw and felt, or so I thought.

“Are you sure you didn’t create her?” asked Hessex, long fingers probing the ground between the lace shells.

“Did I create a ghost so I could scare the shit out of myself? No, no I didn’t. It was her, it was Vasselt.”

“This changes everything,” said Scoro, “if she’s trying to access her ownworld, then she’s sort of still alive.”

“No, she’s definitely dead, but the idea of her and her connection to the network have transitioned to crypt-space,” Hessex replied. “It’s possible that there has never been a networked mind lost to crypt-space before, at least not so violently.”

“What if we could get Vasselt and her pod back – through the ownworld?” I suggested.

“Pull their minds out of crypt-space directly? They would return to the mental plane, but with no body to orient them or root them in the physical universe.” Hessex said.

“They’d need to download into something physical at the same time they came out of crypt-space, otherwise they’d just bounce between dead and alive,” Gex pulled a face. “That sounds worse.”

But someone else had down something like this. Someone I really didn’t like at all. The Unity had transferred entirely from their meat bodies into the nano parasites, into a ghastly tangled mess of grey brain wool. If they could do it, couldn’t we do it the other way around, and copy the dead pod back from the ownworld into oneirocytes? Well, we had nothing else to do with our shore leave, so we got to work.

Stolen Skies – Part Thirty (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies

It was the hubris of the Vaunted that had wrecked the boundary between the living world and the dead realm of thoughts divorced from flesh. Their continued quest for a way to end their slight dependence on physical form – even if that form was by then just a whisper of rainbow light hanging in the space between stars – had led them to tear space apart looking for those ideas that no longer had form. In doing so they’d spilled crypt-space back into the real world. A seemingly infinite dimension of the universe where every idea, mind and disembodied thought ended up when their incarnate bodies slipped away and were recycled back into the rest of the physical universe. They were the authors of all our misfortunes, from the decimation of Earth’s population while they whisked our world out of its home solar system away from the emergence of crypt-space between our outer planets, to the present dismantling of whole star systems to fuel our war against what they unleashed.

Not that I resented our new friends in the solar daisy chain they’d inserted us into. But you’re allowed to have a good holiday while still being pissed off that you were grabbed from the street, stuffed into a car boot where you spent weeks in darkness before emerging, blinking, into the sunny sight of a tropical beach. Aren’t metaphors great. We spent most of our time in the war juggling metaphors, translating the basic idea of “I want to smash that thing” into fantastical beasts that were sometimes larger than whole moons. It was working, even if it wasn’t sealing shut the rifts, and we didn’t yet have an idea about how to go after the Beast – the crypt-space rift that had inverted itself and become the maw of a space-striding monster. A monster that was slowly but surely making its way to our little trinary solar system. For now though, we were technically on a break from battling wild space dreams. The mortal losses we’d suffered against crypt-space were light, as long as you discounted the original annihilation of our home solar systems. In the case of humans that was really just a bunch of planets we hadn’t found a way to live on, and our Moon. For the Hellevance they’d lost contact with the rest of their civilisation, spread out across its neighbouring systems. In the case of our twelfth, dead planet, they’d lost everything. And yet we’d only lost ten dreamers to the void in space. Quite a lot more of us were struggling with the constant psychological wear, even if our bodies were protected and supported by their cocoons. Those nano baths were as perfect a creation as anything, and yet I still swear they made me itch. War grinds you down, even if you’re winning.

Once I’d discovered that Vasselt – one of our dreamers lost in the first battle against crypt-space –was still able, if tenuously, to access the ownworld that she and her oneirocyte had created, I could think of nothing else but trying to get her back. When we shared my memory of her with the Council of Twelve, opinions were divided. No one had heard of the dead genuinely returning to the world of the living. Even though all the species had various myths and legends of resurrection, they weren’t really taken seriously. Even on Earth, twenty years of darkness had given our salvation myths a kicking, especially when our saviours turned out to be the Vaunted, who were no one’s idea of Jesus. Most declared it impossible – it was probable that the shadow of Vasselt I’d seen was an artefact of our oneirocyte network’s facility for expressing the imagination and unconscious desires of its contributors and hosts. The Vaunted had a stronger reaction. They expressly forbade us to attempt to make contact with the shadow, and proposed excising the dead ownworlds from our shared experience entirely. That really hacked off the dreamers who were our frontline in this war. Words were had, led largely by Gex as usual who remained our preferred blunt diplomat for dealing with the Vaunted.

“One, get fucked. And two, get the fuck out of our ownworld,” Gex summed up our feelings adroitly.

Thus banished, we dreamers were left with the rest of the oneirocyte network. Qoth, Tel, and the latest inclusions to the ownworlds: the Li. We’d been unable to offer much aid to the Li in their adoption of nano parasites until they figured out a way to integrate the technology in their disparate and widespread physical network. Since they already existed as a mental network, generated through the electrical fields that united every cell of living matter on their planet, it had been unclear what the oneirocytes could really do for them. When they finally did find a solution, it wasn’t much less horrifying than the Unity: the nano parasites had to be embedded in something, and although they might have been nanoscale in size, just putting a drop of them in each Li cell was both impractical and too little to achieve the desired result. Instead they’d created something new to house the nano parasites, a huge conglomeration of flesh on their homeworld, drifting in the oceans where a vast proportion of the Li-bearing organic life dwelled. Made sense, I guess. They’d manipulated their powers over the life of their world and basically started gluing it all together. I wasn’t very comfortable with the idea, but isn’t that just the joy of technology: you make a thing and someone else finds a terrifying thing to do with it. Oh, and also the Unity, since we’d allowed them into the greater ourworld after their work with the Tel and Calus to develop the petal-ships and matter converters we used in the war. These last two parties, the Li and the Unity were already projects that sought to never die, and never enter crypt-space to begin with. They had little interest in pulling anything else back from there. In the case of the Unity, I still strongly suspected that it only contained a handful of individuals who had murdered hundreds of others to use their partially nano infected brains as spare parts. Of course they didn’t want to go looking in crypt-space: they might find all the poor bastards they killed. The Li were harder to get a read on. They were a vast mind. They felt a bit like the Vaunted, although still solidly rooted in the physical world. Every plant, animal and single-celled organism on their planet was part of the Li. Despite their technically being comprising trillions of Li cells on their world, they only appeared here as the single mind they produced. Their sprawling avatar shrugged and vanished out of the ourworld. The Unity, in the shape of Doctor Hest,  fucked off shortly afterwards, claiming they had better things to do that indulge our morbid curiosity.

Of all the pods of dreamers, ours was the only one at home. All the rest were engaged with crypt-space from their petal-ships. They faded away to fight their battles. Leaving the ten of us. Physically, we were still on Earth, hanging out in the quarters assigned to us during rest leave. We didn’t need to argue any further and we went off in search of Vasselt. Her shade was still flickering back and forth in her porcelain ownworld like a dark candle. She reminded me of our very first experiences in the ownworld, when Gex, Scoro and I were trying to link our dreamworlds together. All we had to do then was imagine a door that someone else could walk through. Could it be so straightforward? We weren’t entirely cavalier about this. There was a risk that this wouldn’t work, that it wasn’t really possible to have Vasselt returned to us. Maybe her shade was just a creation of the combined minds in the oneirocyte network, but maybe it wasn’t, and we wanted her – and the rest of her pod of dreamers – back. Crypt-space and the Vaunted had cost us too much. So we created a door, infused it with a welcome message for Vasselt, and invited her back into our minds.

We waited.

It took a while, long enough for us to get bored and then excited again several times as the door’s edges appeared to shimmer, but nothing happened while we watched. Vasselt’s shade flickered in and out of existence before vanishing between one blink and the next. As with uniting our ownworlds, some things only happen in the corner of your eye. The door cracked open, a thin slice of blackness revealed beyond, possibly our first sight directly into crypt-space. It was the total absence of light, no mere darkness, this was a place where the possibility of light had never existed except in the minds of those who had ended up there. The crack opened wider, revealing still more blackness, and then Vasselt stumbled through. She was not quite herself – the scratchy distortions of her shade continued to assault her, and though she had a reassuring solidity, her mental image jerked back and forth, as if she were a beaded curtain assailed by the wind. She scanned us frantically, bursting into tears at the sight of her ownworld again. I knelt down to help raise her to her feet as she sobbed, “I’m sorry – I didn’t want to, but they made us.”

The door was still open behind her, and in the darkness another shadow uncoiled itself, reaching for the doorframe. With a shout, Hessex slammed it closed, sealing us off from crypt-space.

“It’s too late,” Vasselt said. “They’re already here.”

Alarms went off in the real world, a dizzying peal of sirens that half-jerked us out of the ownworld. Crypt-space had found us – by opening the door we’d shown them where we were, and how to find us. Had Vasselt betrayed us? Was this even really Vasselt? She seemed to anticipate such questions, and desperately choked back her tears to explain.

“It’s not what you think – we’re all still in there, the whole pod. Everything that’s ever been, but it’s not dead – it’s not random. They’re in control there as much as they are here. It’s the Vaunted, Evanith, crypt-space is full of Vaunted, and they’re trying to come back.”

We reeled in shock, but there was no time to hang around in the ownworld. We had no choice but to leave Vasselt there, dwelling in the spaces between our minds since she no longer had a body in the real world. It was a weird sensation, like going to sleep knowing that there’s someone living in your attic.

Crypt-space was here, and most of our dreamers were far, far away. Re-entering the physical world with its comfortable armchairs, soothing wallpaper and the angry scream of the alarms. All ten of us were together as someone burst into the room – Brigadier Lindsmane, yelling at us: “The rifts have opened here, right here on Earth.”

Fuck it, we’d only gone and pulled a Vaunted. We hurried out of the room after Lindsmane and the small army of soldiers who were now filling the halls. There was no doubt that we were headed into trouble – that’s the direction folks carrying guns run in. The corridor wall suddenly tore open, its matter dissolving into dust which was sucked out of the gap, along with half the soldiers nearest to it. Through the hole we could see another one of the migrainous fractures in reality, hoovering up physical stuff. It wasn’t a large rift like those we’d seen and fought in space, this was merely the size of a car, yet already shapes were beginning to pour out – a small flood of absurdly Earth-centric objects: a grandfather clock, a shower of flowers and more mundane human memories, heaping up next to the rift. And then something larger muscled its way through, materialising as it stepped over the threshold: many-armed, red eyes with a hungry looking hole in the middle of its body. The Beast?

I screamed at Lindsmane and his men to get as far away from us as possible. We were going to have to fight the thing here and now, without our petal-ship and its reserve of nano matter. Anything we built we’d have to rip out of the world around us. Dipping half into my ownworld I channelled my imagination and will into a hulking suit of armour around me and an enormous mace in my hands which came into existence just as it made contact with the crypt-space form. I tried not to pay attention to the building dissolving around us as my companions constructed their own weapons. The mace shattered the body of the crypt-space entity, but it wasn’t the only Beast here or even the only rift. And they were on our home planet – horrifyingly made of physical matter which they could subsume as fast as we could. More crypt-space monsters emerged onto Earth as the ground beneath all of our feet shuddered with the energies tearing the city apart. Hessex manifested a giant spike studded beast from its homeworld which stamped on the growing army of reincarnated dead. Because we weren’t in space any more where the resurrected dead immediately choked and died in vacuum. Here they were coming back for real.

A tremor in my mind distracted me from the desperate fight. Even as my physical body continued to lay about with weapons that sprouted from my hands as I needed them, I stepped half into the ownworld. That goddamn door was open again. Vasselt was watching it with horror as one of the many-armed creatures stepped through.

“That’s them,” she hissed, “they’re the Vaunted – it’s what they were before.”

Well, that made a horrifying kind of sense. With another effort of will I reached out and found one of our Vaunted – the faint smell of rainbow in my mind’s eye, and yanked it into Vasselt’s ownworld. It appeared in its usual form of a rainbow-hued bubble-man, and it was all blame.

“You fools,” it said, more animated than I’d ever seen it before, “you can’t be here.”

“The fuck is going on?” Gex spat, appearing next to me.

“They’re all Vaunted – we’re fighting the Vaunted’s dead.”

“Not just the dead,” the many-armed version of the Vaunted hissed, in a voice that sounded like broken glass falling from the sky. “The betrayed.” And it shared in an instant its own memories: the Vaunted, all in these many-armed bodies arguing, and then fighting, and then a civil war all of their own. It wasn’t clear at first what the war was about, but as we watched some of the Vaunted discarded their bodies, forming glimmering shapes in the sky that slashed through cities, leaving thousands dead. The newly de-fleshed Vaunted pressed the attack, mercilessly hunting down their physical brethren, exterminating them. Planets drifted, lifeless in space, rainbow membranes spearing away from them through the darkness.

“You absolute wankers. You killed your people so you could ascend to the mental realm, because what – they didn’t want to join you?”

“We could not be complete while tethered to the material species,” the Vaunted bubble-man muttered.

“And then they pursued us into crypt-space, hoping to kill even the remnants of our minds.”

Great. The Vaunted weren’t just arrogant bastards, they were arrogant genocidal bastards.

“But we’re back now, thanks to these humans, and we’ll hunt you all down in turn.” The dead Vaunted said in its shard-edged voice.

For fuck’s sake, I genuinely hadn’t thought that things could get worse. Optimism is for suckers.

Stolen Skies – Part Thirty-One – The End (Nanowrimo 2022)

Stolen Skies - the End

The Vaunted weren’t just arrogant bastards, they were liars. They’d murdered half their species in the quest for immortality in the mental plane, yet not content with just killing their brethren, they’d sought out a way to kill even the idea of them. When they tore open crypt-space, and it began to absorb physical matter, all those dead minds got a little taste of existence again. A sort of hope flowered in that tomb of the soul, and it grew into revenge. It’s things like this that make it really hard to trust people. We were now fighting a war on every front: our dreamers in their petal-ships were deployed across the stars, pressing crypt-space intrusions back inside their rifts. When we’d sought out our own dead we’d brought crypt-space to Earth too, where we fought its newly incarnated Vaunted in the streets. We even now faced them in the ownworld. It looked a lot like we were utterly fucked.

Existing consciously in the real world and the ownworld is taxing – two sets of sensations layered on top of each other. In one moment I manifested a steel-jawed shark lunging up out of the concrete to snap its teeth shut around a Vaunted that was attacking Scoro, in the next moment I witnessed a fight between the Vaunted in my mind. It was confusing.  Both situations really did require all of my attention, so I was flipping between them, half-second at a time. My existence in both realms flickered like strobe lights. The newly reborn Vaunted were clawing their way out of the rift in Elevator City. Buildings collapsed as the rift siphoned up all available matter: concrete, steel, people and turned them into whatever was pressing most keenly against the real world from within crypt-space. There was a lot more human stuff than we’d seen created out in space. We’d suspected that when crypt-space bulged with matter and split, it did so where minds existed, and perhaps whatever passed for awareness in crypt-space still kept tabs on where their homes had been. The flow of Vaunted was almost matched by the ridiculous piles of human artefacts that heaped up. The battle was a distraction from the junkshop magpie that awakened in me for a second, as I recognised Roman columns, toys half familiar from entertainment shows, an implausible gyrocopter smashed into the street, hats, half a chemistry lab, and at last… people. Whenever we’d fought crypt-space before, living beings had been spat out as part of the overflowing stuff, but they’d all died almost immediately in the vacuum of space. Here, like the Vaunted who were forcing their way in, they lived once more. As long as they weren’t immediately crushed by the rest of the junk that was suddenly given physical form once more, or the collapsing city around them. They were pushed out of the rift in the same way you might shove a sofa out of a window, to topple helpless to the ground, on new and uncertain legs, shocked at suddenly being more than disembodied and silenced thought. The Vaunted didn’t take kindly to these humans taking up physical space that could have been theirs. We leapt to their defence, erecting diamond shields around them, their outer layer dagger-sharp (I mean, why not – the oneirocytes allowed our unravelling imaginations to create whatever we felt was needed at that moment), and mashed the Vaunted against them with rearing mastodons formed out of the city’s structure. Colonel Lindsmane and his men had ignored much of our entreaties to get the fuck out of there. Fighting’s what soldiers do, but even more importantly they defend. While they had mostly kept a sensible distance from us, as they saw that we were as intent on ripping the city apart as crypt-space, but the sight of the returned humans spurred them into real action. Some wild piloting brought a series of zerocopters swooping in under the arcs of dissolving matter that were being funnelled through the air towards crypt-space, and hovered while the men on board hauled the revenants onboard. We diverted as much resource as we could to protecting their mission, but there was no end to the flood of Vaunted stomping onto our planet. This wasn’t even the only rift on Earth, and we were getting no closer to stopping them.

Back in the ownworld, the Vaunted bubble-man and its murdered kin were still bickering while the fighting raged on outside. This wasn’t the realm that the dead Vaunted had ever wanted to occupy, but their disembodied cousins had forced them into the land of the dead, and there they’d learned much about how to function in the mental plane. This wasn’t their mind though – we’d inadvertently invited them in when we created a door into crypt-space for Vasselt to return through – this was Vasselt’s world, and she began to assert herself. When she’d clawed her way back into reality, she’s appeared to be glitching, a black cloud diffused her form, but it was fading fast as the ownworld remembered her, relinking to the memory of her existence. And we were there to help, reinforcing her with our own memories of her, from the first time we’d met on Qoth, watching an implausible winged fat-bird slam into the transparent outer wall of the compound. Even that memory of her laughing seemed to strengthen her, and she took on colour as the distortions faded. With a snarl, and a wave of her fist, a shard of her porcelain ownworld curled up out of the ground, flinging the Vaunted bubble-man up and out of the ownworld entirely. She could have just told him to leave, but she was regaining her anger along with her presence. Vasselt faced the returned Vaunted, with its waving arms and gaping mouth, and – with a cry – vanished. She’s just slipped out of the ownworld, and was gone. I didn’t know if it was something the Vaunted had done, but I mustered my will to respond on her behalf. The living Vaunted had betrayed us, the dead Vaunted wanted revenge on their brothers, and we were in the way. Two wrongs don’t make a right and all that. As far as I was concerned, both lots were the bad guys now. Before I could take a stand, we received more bad news. From Qothima and the Li, reports that rifts had opened up on their homeworlds too – likely the entire chain was under attack. Our petal-ships in deep space had abandoned their missions and were racing for home. But there were nothing like enough dreamers here to repel the invaders. Even on Li, the rifts were consuming great chunks of that being’s living matter, and all the weaponry the Li had could only be made of itself in an auto-cannibalistic orgy of war. It looked even more like we were fucked.

No matter how bad things seem, they can always get worse. Even as Elevator City dissolved under the combined onslaught of crypt-space and our weapons, a hundred other places on our worlds suffered similar invasions. Though they were without the benefit of much defence, save on Li, the Tel space fleet, and Qoth. Even when we could fight, we began to lose. Hessex died first, crushed underneath a collapsing building as crypt-space hungrily undermined its foundations, soon followed by three of our human dreamers. We felt them all blink out of existence, their avatars vanishing from the ownworld, transcending into the crypt-space realm we were fighting against. It surely couldn’t get much worse, but it did. The Tel dreamers in the space stations orbiting Earth reported it first: a vast intrusion into our solar system. The Beast had arrived, and we could see it for ourselves. Where once our Moon had hung in the sky, visible in the day as a peaceful white disc, now the form of the Beast filled the sky, striding through space towards us. Our fleet might have been far away, but we had one petal-ship in orbit. The Tel dreamers piled on board and used the pod systems to launch their attack. But if we had been unable to stop it, or even prevent it from creating itself with our whole fleet, a single petal-ship had little chance. But what else can you but fight? It seemed we were doomed to fail.

Across the vast distance of space our dreaming warriors were present in ourworld, crying out at the assaults on their homeworlds, but too far away to physically intervene. The Vaunted, sensing our distraction (I and the other dreamers on Earth were doubly, or perhaps trebly distracted with the fighting in Elevator City) turned back to the open door into crypt-space and reached inside, arms distending improbably as it hauled another of its kin into the ownworld. We needed to shut that door, and end these motherfuckers. Like Vasselt, they only existed in the mental realm, foisting themselves on our network. G, our Qoth dreamer leapt forward, enraged by what he felt from his Qoth kin on their homeworld, summoning the force of his faith. The god-star, always present in the ownworld from the sheer certainty of Qoth belief, glowed darkly in the sky, pulsing with the Qoth rage. The door to crypt-space slammed shut, disintegrating under the black heat of the god-star. The dead Vaunted who had been reaching into the doorway recoiled, its mental grasp of itself shaken as it looked at its amputated arms where the doorway had shut.

“They’ll kill you too,” it hissed as G slammed the force of the god-star down onto the Vaunted, shattering it into a million flecks of black dust.

“Well that was interesting,” Gex commented, as the black dust faded away.

In space around the Earth the Beast tore our only petal-ship apart, even while its creations smashed its weird-elbowed arms to pieces. Without the minds behind them, the nano matter objects drifted off, or into the maw of the gigantic creature. Now we knew that the Beast had taken on the shape of the Vaunted’s physical form, it made sense that they’d seized control of crypt-space from within – natural tyrants perhaps, twisting even the realm of the dead into a weapon of revenge. Those fucking Vaunted: they’d started all of this, dragged us into it, and now apparently fucked off to let us take the damage that resulted. Perhaps they’d already fled, correctly ascertaining the capacity of the mortal worlds for revenge ourselves. Revenge, justice, or punishment? Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference, sometimes they’re all the same thing. Even as we died in the street, the rainbow membranes of the Vaunted returned. They arced through space and onto our worlds, appearing as twisted curtains of force that sank through buildings and deep into the Earth, anchoring themselves as a web of glittering vanes speared through space, slicing into the Beast as it ripped away at the orbital platforms. If it was possible to roar in space, I was sure we’d have heard it. The bubble-men’s lances of light cut cleanly through the Beast’s arms and the strange blend of inside-out crypt-space that they were made of uncoiled out of existence. It didn’t stop though, and the Vaunted clawing over the wreckage of Elevator City didn’t slow down either. Between us we’d burrowed down into the bedrock in our race to consume matter to power either our weapons or our very existence, in the case of crypt-space. We fought now in a ragged crater, filled with wreckage, the dead, and the newly reborn. There were only four of us left now, Gex, Scoro, myself and G. The flowing shield of blades and violence we’d built around us was being assailed by the sheer weight of Vaunted undead, exercising their return to flesh with ardour. We were out of time.

It was the Qoth who saved us all. Inspired by the effect of the god-star in the ownworld and G’s example of using it to crush the Vaunted and the doorway into the land of the dead, Qothima itself joined us in ourworld. The programme that the Geiliiish had been working on, to create enough oneirocytes that ultimately all of the Qoth could have direct, personal access to the god-star, had been underway for a few years, equipping millions of Qoth with the tools to enter their ownworld, which for them was a pure spiritual experience of communing with their god. They took everything we’d done a step further, borrowing power from everyone in the ownworld network. On Earth, our shield faltered as the Qoth seized our oneirocytes, on Li, every cell in every organism on the planet froze, and every mind in the network appeared in the ourworld, eyes fixed on the god-star hanging above us. Its black glow intensified, and it swelled with the focused attention of our minds. And then the Qoth pushed it into the real world.

The star at the heart of the Qoth’s home solar system had been destroyed by crypt-space, consumed to feed the murdered Vaunted’s desire for revenge. But the Qoth, once they’d stolen our nano parasites (and once we’d dug in and rescued them), had discovered that their beloved god-star lived on inside every one of them. Its existence reinforced and their beliefs justified by their faith in it. And now it emerged into the physical universe like a dandelion clock being blown back together. A new star blazed into existence in the sky, its dark shroud in the ownworld evaporating as it took on its natural brilliance. They – we – summoned it into life beyond the circuit that our chain of planets followed, millions of miles away so as not to instantly incinerate all life on Earth. As it flared into solidity, it consumed the Beast, ripping its imaginary matter into the fuel the god-star’s atomic heart ran on. Across Elevator City, the many-armed Vaunted burst into flames and their smoke and ashes wound up into the sky, drawn inexorably into the god-star. The same occurred on all the planets under Vaunted assault – our enemies burned away by the light of the Qoth’s faith as the god-star returned to its physical existence. As an idea, when the god-star was originally consumed by crypt-space, the concept of it had transcended the mental realm into crypt-space  as a mere shell of itself. Now, the Qoth had brought it back and it was using crypt-space to rebuild itself.

In the crater of Elevator City, our minds returned to us with a shocking hangover. Our shield had evaporated while our attention was elsewhere, but our battleground was empty of the enemy – just wisps of smoke rising high into the sky. The crypt-space rift was visibly shrinking, having stopped stealing matter and pouring nonsense ideas back out into the world. Just before it finally closed, G said, “watch now.” And we did. The rift convulsed one last time, coughing out a gaggle of ragged-looking figures. Then we ran towards them. They were all holding hands, right along the chain of human, Tel and Qoth staggering in their newly re-created bodies. Some of them had only been dead for minutes, but dying is pretty disorienting, or so they tell me. In the lead was Vasselt, fully alive once more.

“I went back to save the dreamers,” she said. And she had – those in our network who had fallen in this battle, and the petal-ship we’d lost when we encountered the Beast. “I found everyone I could. When you opened the doorway to crypt-space it woke up the ghosts of the oneirocyte network. The Qoth gave us just enough time to escape.”

G was just standing there, staring at the god-star in the sky. As they recovered from their ordeal, so did the other Qoth dreamers.

“G… I can’t feel you in the ownworld any more,” I said, realising I could no longer sense my friend’s mind, “I can’t feel any of you.”

“We don’t need it any more,” G replied, raising one furry arm to the heavens, “that’s the only ownworld we ever wanted.”

With the effort of resurrecting the alien star the Qoth had burned out their oneirocytes. Their beliefs told them that the god-star was the place they went when they died, and now their souls had a destination again.

“They’re all there now – all of the dead,” G continued. “The god-star has taken them all.”

Crypt-space’s intrusions into reality were gone, all the rifts closed and at last sealed once more. We’d undone what the Vaunted had attempted. Their rainbow shapes still hung in the sky, and their anchors still penetrated the Earth, great glimmering membranes that reached down into the ground nearby. Still hanging around. One of their bubble-men materialised in our midst. In marked contrast to their usual demeanour, this one was furious.

“What have you done? Crypt-space is empty!” it cried, shaking its little bubble fists. I looked at G, our main Qoth representative.

“Crypt-space is empty because the god-star has claimed all the souls that were lost there. Now they are found,” G declared, looming over the bubble-man, his fur puffed up and claws twitching angrily.  “Now they are safe, and you can never reach them again.”

“How dare you. We saved you, and your pathetic mortal worlds–“

“–after putting us in danger and fucking up the galaxy, you absolute prick.” Gex finished for it.

The sense of power flexed – the mental affecting the physical – and the rainbow spears into the Earth began to move, burrowing deeper into our planet.

A small voice called out from inside the ownworld: “I don’t think so.” It was Doctor C, or the Unity, or whatever they wanted to call themselves, re-entering the network. They stood in the centre of my ownworld, my peaceful trees twisting endlessly upward around them. She held one of the bubble-men by the centre of its chest, or rather she’d impaled it with her arm. She turned to me, as the Vaunted she’d caught jerked and spasmed against the contact. “We’re leaving you now Evanith. Hest and I, and the others.” She smiled, “We’re taking what the Vaunted had, and they’ll never bother you again.” She clenched her fist and the bubbles that made up the little man began to pop, its substance frothing onto her skin which she absorbed. As the Vaunted deliquesced out of existence, her grin only intensified and her skin took on an oily rainbow sheen.

“The hell you are,” I declared, and speared her to the ground – right through the foot I’d dropped the shears onto, all those years before. Her scream, of pain and outrage shook the ownworld. Whatever part of the Vaunted mental space she’d just hijacked, she wasn’t in control of it yet. I summoned assistance; Gex and Scoro appeared and slammed further spikes through her, pinning her into the ownworld.

“How many of you are there really? How many did you murder to form the Unity?” I demanded.

“You’ll never know,” she snarled, and then began to scream.

The Li had arrived, in the form of a drifting jellyfish made of cutlery, and Hessex returned to the ownworld, freshly reincorporated into the real world with them.

“The Unity cannot be permitted to take the powers of the Vaunted,” Hessex said. “We offer you a choice: either reincorporate, or cease to exist.”

Of course, the Tel knew exactly where the Unity’s tangle of brain wool was. After the Vaunted stole them from Project Tutu’s frozen facilities on Earth, they’d refused to tell us what they’d done with the Unity. They’d been in the ownworld network, but that hadn’t given us a clue about where they were physically, and since they were just a mass of neural string it was hard to remember they hadn’t transcended to the purely mental. Just like the Vaunted, they were still anchored, however faintly to the real world. They were the last people I’d trust to have the kind of power the Vaunted wielded. Hell, I certainly didn’t trust the Vaunted to wield those powers either.

Doctor C, or the avatar of the Unity or whatever she was now, rippled, testing the mental bonds we’d applied. She wasn’t going anywhere. The rest of the Unity’s avatars turned up. All two of them: Hest, and the other one whose name I’d never bothered to learn. They attacked us immediately, sending arcing chains of blades towards me and Gex. But the Unity lacked our experience of exerting ourselves in both the real and mental realms. Those chains shattered before they even got close. The Li immobilised them. It looked like the three of them really were all the real entities inside the Unity. Appalling. They’d murdered hundreds to build their bullshit chalet-world. They really were just like the Vaunted, who it seemed like they had just murdered too.

“Well, I guess you’ve made your choice,” I said.

In the real world, the Tel incinerated the physical mess of nanowires that supported the Unity, burning it to ash. In the ownworld they screamed and cracked, and crumbled and were gone.

We’d won. Crypt-space was gone, and the Vaunted had disappeared – possibly forever. Their legacy had changed the destiny of the human race and a dozen other species. The arm of the galaxy we used to hang out in was a stranger to us, our solar system ground into dust by crypt-space. But our worlds were now locked into an unnatural but stable orbit around the trinary stars the Vaunted had created for us..2 A new star created by the sheer power of our united minds hung out beyond our orbital ring, the god-star, patiently waiting to be a home for the Qoth souls when they died. And maybe a home for all of us. All of our billions of dead lived on inside it, and one day perhaps we’d join them. But for now, we had a real world to repair, and a universe to explore together. With twelve species working together, we’d build a better galaxy than the Vaunted ever managed. Unless we massively screwed it up of course. And that was always an option, even the smartest people fucked up sometimes, and the more powerful they were, the worse the mistake. But for now…

“Right, I think we all deserve to get absolutely wankered,” Gex declared, and we off we went in search of the nearest bar that was still standing.

The End

Stolen Skies Ebook Files and Meta-Nanowrimo 2022, 3

Stolen Skies - the ebook

Stolen Skies – the ebook files

Supposing you are some kind of masochist who can handle reading a book that’s barely had spellcheck run over it, let alone edited and proofread, perhaps you’d find it easier to read Stolen Skies as a proper ebook on your ereader of choice. The links below should let you download the files and then you can send them on to your Kindle or whatever as you like. Enjoy! Apologies in advance for the miscellany of errors you’ll discover. 

Stolen Skies – Captain Pigheart (EPUB) // Stolen Skies – Captain Pigheart (MOBI)

The Story’s Over

I cheerfully breezed through the Nanowrimo minimum of 50,000 words and ended up almost bang on 83,000. It’s been immensely satisfying to bash out a bunch of alphabetic strings over five weeks and discover they mostly tell a coherent story. Not entirely coherent, obviously! The process of working with no plan is going to inevitably generate a little chaos. However, from my pair of dedicated daily readers (thank you Eddie & Benedetta!) apparently it does indeed make sense, and is good in places and interesting to watch unfold. In fact, I’m gonna quote Eddie here because it’s good for my soul:

Ferocious output, inventive and original ideas and a galactic battle to sort everything out. A worthy piece of work.

I’ll take that!

Creative Stuff, Why Bother?

It does feel like it’s been worthwhile. I suspect we all need reminders that we’re creative people who can make a thing, and while most people probably want to make good things, there’s a large number of us who just enjoy the process. Not everyone’s knitting will adorn the queen’s coffin, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. I’ve happily re-inspired myself to do more writing, or at the very least think a lot harder about doing more writing. Half of the battle was reminding myself that I could even do it. The discipline of forcing myself to get up early and write 3-4k words before work (and even at the weekend!) was knackering, but I’ve rarely felt so motivated to drag my lifeless corpse out of bed as when in the midst of a story.

I’ve found it reviving to have this additional thing to occupy my brain with too – literally feeling bits of my mind wake up which have been quiescent for a time. I get a lot of work-thinking done when I’m on my near-daily swim, and that proved an ideal time to think about what on earth could be happening next in the story (sorry work…) I like how stories find their own way, and the feeling of threads I’d tossed out earlier in the story start to draw themselves together – that wonderful feeling of inevitability that I enjoy when I read proper books. Really, writing this thing has been a lot like reading a book by someone else, but with more effort.

Finishing a Story

I’m pleased that I went on to the extra 33k. Even though I’d reached a sort of ending, I hadn’t actually gotten to the original idea that inspired the story. Two ideas got blended together in the end. The original idea was a group of soldiers linked together in some tree-shaped device where they’re all in pods, who experience mostly a virtual realm that they’ve created together. But as they die in combat their world shrinks until it’s just one soldier left alone, and he’s got to figure out what’s happened. We don’t even get close to that until the very end, and even then I haven’t mined that concept for all it’s worth. The other idea I dug out of one of my old writing journals “someone nicks the Earth and takes it somewhere”, which became the beginning of the story. Joining them up was fun, and occasionally stressful as I made some choice or other in the moment that sent us down a different path. I’ve learned that I really like killing characters and other radical character moves that fuck up my own tenuous idea of what’s coming next, forcing me to spend much time digging myself out of a hole. I’m aware that the last third of the book is maybe a bit rushed. In a different reality maybe I’d want to spend more time getting to know the aliens and enjoying the war properly, but I think stories do resolve themselves, or at least they create opportunities to be ended. I had to end somewhere, and did not want to be racing to finish this around Christmas. I wanted it to be complete, and not to stress myself out over a thing that ultimately should not matter that much. 

No Editing?

I got in the habit of reading the previous chapter while I waited for caffeine to infest my brain appropriately before writing the next one. I did correct the odd word and added a couple of sentences here and there which had become necessary overnight, but I only deleted one chapter and re-wrote it (Part Twenty-Eight), as I absolutely hated it and needed more “show don’t tell”. That and the first two versions of the opening chapter, neither of which gave me an in for the story. I’d regularly pause while writing and shuffle paragraphs around, which only contributes further to the chaos. A lot of my writing is waffly Evanith thinks stuff, which I enjoy, but easily leads me to totally forget where I was going a few sentences ago because I’ve become distracted and gotten into moaning about something or other, often people.

Otherwise it’s all been knocked out as you’ve (maybe) read it. The ebooks above have had the obscene grace of Word’s spellcheck which picked up far less than I expected – mostly it’s/its, a few missing words and the variety of mis-spellings I achieved for the awkward alien names like Geiliiish, and the made-up character names. Not bad, right? Or, more likely, you really shouldn’t rely on Word to fix your book.

Cover Art

I’ve always found that even if a book cover doesn’t tell you what’s inside, it should set the mood or the tone for the story to come. All the “art” for this one were generated by the fascinating, and fascinatingly shit Dall-E AI art creator. They variously show the results of text prompts like an alien night sky filled with shooting stars and Escher-inspired spaceships, an alien spaceship being chased by a rocket shaped like a giant grasshopper, or oneirocyte: nano parasite that infects the brain, allowing its users to create imaginary worlds – digital art by Hieronymous Bosch. The results are fascinating, but patchy as fuck, and so far below the standard of what a talented human could produce that I feel OK using them for this! The rather random gluing of images together does feel a bit like writing first thing in the morning…

The Best (Maybe) Movies to Watch on Christmas Eve

I like Christmas, but I don’t especially enjoy the nauseating romantic comedy dramas that infest the season. A couple are tolerable, but we shall not speak of them. Instead I’ve been watching some old Christmas favourites and soaking up a bloody tide of Christmas horror movies. Like all horror they’re wildly hit and miss, but each one has at least something that was worth watching them for. Here’s a few thoughts about everything I’ve seen so far this December. 

Violent Night (2022)

Brand spanking new, featuring the beloved David Harbour (presumably in between Stranger Things) as Santa, and John Leguizamo as the villain who storms a wealthy family’s compound at Christmas. High production values, fun script and really very violent action scenes once Santa gets started.

The Gingerdead Man (2006)

Total trashy nonsense in which nasty robber/murderer Gary Busey is reincarnated as a gingerbread man in a little bakery. He proceeds to kill a bunch of people. The script is dreadful, but the central idea… somehow brilliant. It’s not good, but I did enjoy it. Apparently there are sequels… (including the wonderfully named Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust.) 

Die Hard (1988)

We can skip the “is it really a Christmas movie…” – it’s set at a Christmas party, and that’s the whole reason that everything happens on that occasion. Done. Also, it’s great! Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman absolutely glow. Unmissable Christmas action fun.

Santa’s Slay (2005)

Here we have a wrestler playing an ancient demon finally allowed to go out and murder people at Christmas. I laughed quite a lot during this one, even if there isn’t much to it. Check out the ripped Santa though!

The Children (2008)

A nice simple idea – the kids go crazy (infected with something or other) and try to kill their parents. What’s not to love? It has a few pleasingly grim early murders and “accidents” that should cheer up anyone who’s ever found children a bit worrying. And if you’re into kids being murdered, well, there’s plenty of that here too. Nicely tense and chilling.

Wind Chill (2007)

I don’t think this really qualifies as a Christmas horror movie, but I watched it so… Emily Blunt (who I think I always enjoy watching in films) gets a lift home from a fellow student who turns out not to be who he seems… But it gets much worse when they crash their car into a night of freezing snow, with ghosts! Pretty straightforward and fairly tense, especially while we’re figuring out if the chap she’s with is going to kill her. Definitely has a few surprises, and if you like ghost stories that don’t feature Christmas at all (technically they’re on their way home from college for the festive season), then you might enjoy this. 

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Unquestionably the best and most faithful version of Charles Dickens’ Christmas ghost story, it’s somehow thirty years old, and we caught the cinema re-release. It was magical. Continuously funny and with heartwarming songs, the highlight for me is how utterly terrible Michael Caine is at singing and dancing. This is definitely up there in my top five Christmas films of all genres.

Fatman (2020)

I somehow missed this entirely when it came out (I dunno, pandemic or something), but it’s Walton Goggins (who I utterly adore) hired to assassinate Mel Gibson’s Santa. Instantly great fun. It’s all driven by a little boy who is very much Artemis Fowl, but a right little shit. The tone is rather odd, because it isn’t played for laughs, even when the elves are subcontracted out to work for the US military. 

Silent Night (2021)

Loved this, it’s super-grim. A family and friends meet up at Christmas with their (variously smart, kind, and hateful children) for the very last time… It’s rather subtly done and only partway into the film is it made clear why everyone is running on ragged nerves. It’s funny, and nicely acted by a great cast (including Keira Knightley and Lucy Punch), and the kids are unusually good too. The ending is the exact bleakness I saw coming and very satisfying. 

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

I’d been looking forward to finally watching this after chasing it around the streaming services for a few years. It’s OK. Zombie musical set at Christmas is cool and there are plenty of funny parts, but it didn’t hang together particularly well for me (I suspect for very similar reasons to the film version of the Matilda musical). I’m glad I’ve seen it, and if you haven’t then it’s totally worth a shot.

Better Watch Out (2017)

This is very slick and satisfying. I’d forgotten that I’d already seen it, and thought I was watching a different film, so I was very happily surprised. I remember having a babysitter when I was younger and vaguely fancying them, but thankfully I’m not a sociopathic little bastard who’s really into his babysitter. This has very nice home invasion vibes, with some excellent subversion, kills and lovely production work all round.

Scrooged (1998)

An essential Christmas film which we watch most years, and this time accompanied tree erection. This has all the spirit and mean fun of Dickens with one of Bill Murray’s most satisfying performances, as well as good quality Bobcat Goldthwaite. If you haven’t seen it, but like Christmas films then you’re only letting yourself down.

Christmas Evil (1980)

Alright, this one isn’t good, but it’s oddly fascinating. Low budget, incredibly slow and with a really odd script… Sold? It feels a lot like Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, in that the lead is very worrying all the way through. Disturbed by seeing Santa (presumably his dad, but I don’t think that was entirely clear) touching up his mum on Christmas Eve, Harry grows up obsessed with Christmas, taking notes on which neighbourhood kids have been naughty or nice, works in a toy factory… and eventually goes on a little killing spree after his employers turn out to be utterly cynical bastards. It escalates nicely, but the first forty-five minutes is a slog. The flying van is worth it though… 

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

The best kinds of Christmas horror films combine a witty script with a cool idea and great murders. This one almost manages it. They’ve nicked the idea from Small Soldiers, only converting military robots into store Santa “toys”, I guess. For some reason one goes on the rampage, killing quite a lot of people. The script is surprisingly full and sharp, beginning with a pair of co-workers in a music shop going out to get wasted. If you wanted the characters from High Fidelity to die horribly, you might be in luck. It’s not brilliant, but the robo-Santa proves to be quite hard to kill and makes for a satisfying end to the movie. It won’t be a total waste of your time. 

Black Christmas (1974)

A classic, but like many classics that you just have to see, it’s actually not that great. I don’t care about people being murdered if I don’t like any of them. I’m not exactly cheering on the killer, but I didn’t really care for this. Apart from the movie above, this is the most classic slasher I’ve watched, and they don’t give me a lot of fun overall. I look forward to seeing if the remakes are any better. Props though, for a rather upsetting bathroom scene. 

Rare Exports (2010)

An outstanding example of the genre. We’ve been watching this one for a few years now, and it’s not yet diminished. Way up in Lapland some folks are excavating the real Santa, one the Fins killed and entombed long ago, because being European Santa’s not going to give you a teddy bear. Enter a lovely young lad who sort of discovers it’s all going to go tits up, and his hunter/butcher dad. This isn’t an out and out horror slash or action fest, but it’s warm, funny and very dark – another Christmas horror story with a cracking ending. Unlike most of this lot, I find I don’t want to spoil it… 

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

Possibly the best Christmas action movie ever, this is a stunning Shane Black-written Christmas action comedy (does he write anything else?) with Geena Davis as an amnesiac assassin who’s living the good life with her daughter and boyfriend in a lovely Christmas town. Unfortunately her assassin alter ego is coming back, and so are all the people who thought she was dead… This might also be my favourite Samuel L Jackson film (and is apparently one of his favourites too). There’s some very dodgy ’90s comedy and very snappy dialogue, great shoot ups and fights, and lots of heartwarming Christmas family stuff too. You must watch it. Killer soundtrack too.  

Everything Else

The usual Christmas rewatch list obviously includes modern Christmas classics like Elf (2003) (a grown man thinks he’s an elf – horrifying!), and the truly excellent Krampus (2015). We also can’t resist the near-perfect Halloween/Xmas stop-motion musical The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993), and the also stop-motion, by Aardman and not-very-horror Robbie the Reindeer (Hooves of Fire 1999 and Legend of the Lost Tribe from 2002) although the second one does see the reindeers trapped as theme park mannequins by the villain (voiced by Jeff Goldblum). Finally, of course, Gremlins (1984) which remains unbelievably good, funny and entertaining. At the very least, every one of these films is shorter than Avatar: Way of the Water and likely a better use of your time.

One More Village to Kill

One More Village to Kill

Sky blue eyes that reflect everything and let nothing inside. The face loomed over me, fronted by those chilling little discs of metal. I was so focused on them, and my own bloodied face reflected in them that I barely noticed the hand extended towards me. I took it, of course. I had no desire to lie in the broken scrap while rusty water soaked further into my clothes. The arobot hauled me to my feet before immediately losing interest and wandering off to its next selected objective. I brushed myself off in a small shower of gravel and dust. Not much I could do about the damp trousers and jacket, but they’d dry off while I walked.

Well, that had all gone awfully to shit, hadn’t it. My rusty little puddle was just one of many such new holes in the little village where we’d staged our ambush. I mean, it was a village. If no building left standing more than four feet counts as a bunch of houses, then you could possibly make the claim that it had only lost its top half. In fact, the enemy shells and our own ambush had razed much of the place to the ground. We had made sure the village was unoccupied before we started setting traps and wiring the larger houses with proximity detonators. We’d not skimped on artillery either. Four squads, made up half with people, half of arobots with their vastly superior resilience, speed and accuracy. Couldn’t beat them in a firefight, though they would occasionally take risks that would never even occur to someone like me. That’s where this fight had gone off the rails.

We’d been perfectly placed, waiting for darkness as the enemy’s octal tanks rolled into the village and settled for the night in a nice spot of cover. Not knowing, of course, that we’d spent the day wiring the place up for our perfect moment and then scarpered for the nearby ditches and drains. Not a pleasant wait that, crouched in a drain for five hours. Still, it’s amazing how much sleep you can get in such situations. When sarge judged the moment, from reviewing the micro drones we’d placed in the trees on main street, we let the proximity detonators do their stuff and activated all the other traps remotely. No point letting them trip wires and stuff on their way into the village. Far better to let them all in and then kill themselves trying to get back out again. They didn’t make it out, obviously. We’d set our traps well, and an old church exploding next to a couple of tanks makes a serious mess of them, as well as of the church. We hadn’t really taken the graveyard into account though, and after the various bombs went off there were a lot of old bodyparts and bones scattered across the village square. Never mind. The octals took most of the blast, and once they were immobilised (or shredded, take your pick), we moved in for the more personal killing touch.

It’s one thing to pop open an octal tank hatch and toss a grenade inside, quite another to start hauling its occupants into the street and decapitating them. Not my style, but it’s what the arobot decided to do. Whether we’d been waiting too long and some internal metric had gotten mixed up with its orders, or if it had just taken too many whacks to the head, we never found out. First I knew of it was hearing Lieutenant Swires bellowing at it to stand down. I’d just finished off the contents of the tanks under the church rubble, so I saw the arobot turn to face Swires, with that familiar dead look on its face, eyes giving you nothing – no insight whatsoever into what might be going on in that plastic and metal skull. They always look to me like they’re on the verge of violence, because it’s that same dead-eyed look, the suddenly still face that you see on someone who’s completely lost it, and is about to either murder your mate in the pub or top himself. You can’t beat an arobot in a shootout, and Swires didn’t even think he was in a shootout, so he lost that. Voice of authority down, the arobot went straight back to pulling the poor dazed bastards out of the tank. You don’t have to hate someone to kill them, sometimes that’s just your job. It was my job, but I wasn’t trying to make them suffer like the arobot was. It was pulling them out by their over-long arms, pinning them down with one boot and with a  single blow, slashing through their necks with a brutal-looking machete, so their little three-eyed heads bounced off the top of the tank and onto the road. Their bodies slid over the tracks after them. God knows where it found that blade – for all I knew, it had been carrying it in its pack for weeks. The arobots do develop “habits” as they call them, over time. This once had a few too many habits for my taste. Plus, I was fond of Swires, and much less fond of a colleague who’s OK shooting my mates. I wasn’t the first to notice the lieutenant’s demise though – a couple of lads were much closer than me and went straight for shooting. That’s your best bet in a shootout with an arobot – make sure it doesn’t know you’re shooting at it. Unfortunately they’re wired to pay attention to these things, and it took exception before the first bullet took it in the shoulder. I’ve seen some knife throwing in sideshows, and it’s always impressive, but I’d never seen a machete throwing robot before. Weird bits of metal, machetes. Unevenly weighted, heavy. Not a problem for this arobot. It flipped the thing over while taking another bullet to its body and flung it straight through the shooter’s face. His mate hit cover immediately, but the arobot went after him.

I weighed up my options. I could stay where I was and pretend nothing was happening. That might seem a little cowardly, but sometimes “do nothing” is the best choice. It wasn’t in this situation – I was much more concerned that the arobot might decide we were all targets. My real decision was in how much risk I wanted to expose myself to. Some risk was unavoidable. I did a quick stock take of the traps and explosives I’d rigged and had the detonators for. As I suspected, not everything had gone bang – that’s just wiring and stuff, something always fails. But it did mean that the post box the arobot was going to pass on the way to me still had an unexploded bomb inside it. Alas, that meant I’d have to draw its attention. At least I had a plan, unlike the next lad who tried to take it out, and the other arobot that was unceremoniously torn apart. Yup, this one had gone bad all right. I took a deep breath, rolled, and shot the arobot in the side of the head. Yeah, that got its attention all right. It swivelled around, so its head never took its eye off me, the only sign of my shot being a slight dent in the side of its skull. Too damned tough, but I only wanted it to notice me. It was coming for me with that leisurely yet determined stride they have, but I had to wait until it reached the post box. That’s when I fired the grenade. Sharp bastard that the arobot was, it swatted the grenade out of the air, presumably thinking it was aimed (badly) at it. Thankfully it actually knocked it onto a better course than I’d managed with the awkward angle I’d aimed from. The grenade struck the post box and detonated the bomb. I had, I’ll admit, forgotten precisely which set of explosives we’d put where, and wow, that was quite a bang. The tank-buster in the post box incinerated the arobot and blew a fresh hole in the already wrecked village, hurling broken houses, tank parts and me through the air.

That’s how I ended up in yet another puddle, being rescued by a different arobot. Honestly, this war. I don’t know if I’m going to get killed by the enemy or one of my squad. Ah well, onto the next village. It’s a long walk, but I should be dry by the time we get there.

Functionally Immortal

Functionally Immortal

“You can’t learn magic.” That’s the first thing they tell you when you arrive at the Thaumatorium. Typically it provokes a host of “what the hell am I doing here?” type questions, angry faces, and sad, confused faces. It’s not the most promising start to arriving at a place of education. But, as they point out, none of us had applied for a placement, taken a test, or (mostly) even heard of the place. That’s not a huge surprise, I guess. Everyone knows magic exists, obviously. It’s as real as the sciences that enable us to construct buildings, drive cars around and launch junk into space. But the function of magic is a little harder to pin down. It fills the gaps in science, makes the leaps between concept and completion which science might one day learn to fill. Intuition then, sort of. At the Thaumatorium we were trained in intuitive jumps, hop-scotching logic that could take us not just from A to C, but from A to Three, skipping the established order and hopping into another mode of conceptualising entirely. That’s all understood by the public in much the same way as we “understand” how our televisions or computers work: once someone else has demonstrated the possibilities, we can make use of them too.

Not long after being told we wouldn’t be learning magic, we did learn something new. The gaps we’d be hopping over in our minds with intuitive hops weren’t so much gaps as they were gaping abysses in which something else most definitely waited. The usual chain of cognition follows a direct line, if one that can be twisty and unusual, but it’s continuous – a path through the forest, if you will. What’s not clear from that path is that the forest looms darkly around you, and hidden in its branches and just off the ground-down path of human reason lurk all the wolves, bears and all the serial killing clowns in Yogi Bear drag that you can imagine. Mostly we don’t see them because the path is there, compelling our mental feet along its worn path. Granted, that’s only a metaphor, but it immediately made me wonder what would happen if you wore the path out entirely… But that was a problem dismissed by our tutors – I was fixating on the metaphor, not the truths it represented. Unable to see the wood for the trees, if you like.  

As someone who hadn’t been a huge fan of regular school, I was somewhat dismayed to discover that we’d actually have to learn a lot more about the subjects that we’d be using our intuition to find new paths through. Makes sense: how can you skip a step if you don’t at least know the starting point? Humanity has very rarely made a leap from nothing at all to a unified theory of the universe. It happens though. One of the first such discoveries was religion – extrapolating out of nowhere that there must be a godlike figure overseeing all. The result of such wild leaps is, of course, madness. A madness inflicted on humanity ever since. It’s useful though, to thaumaturgeons such as we’d one day become, because madness doesn’t care about the path through the forest. It just smashes through the underbrush and might one day come out the other side. And on that other side might be a gleaming valley filled with golden light and hope. Often it doesn’t though, and the madness leads straight into something awful. Those ones don’t come back. We’d be learning how to direct our intuition, veering around the edge of madness while we found a fresh track to follow between some trees. And while we were tracing out that new road we’d have to be alert and aware of the wolves lying in wait.

It wasn’t a good first year. I learnt an awful lot more about animal biology and forest metaphors than I’d ever hoped to. The second year was better, as I learned to make tiny changes in the DNA of the various animals we were given as test subjects – imagining is doing in the Thaumatorium. Some died, some did not. By the third year, I was unravelling the genetic history of my charges, beginning to make the intuitive leaps that revealed the inter-related purpose and function of its genome. Two years later, I’d made my axolotls functionally immortal. You could still kill them if you wanted to, but left to their own devices with sufficient food and so on, their cells and being would now renew endlessly.

Using that new and painstakingly documented knowledge to find the same path for humanity would be someone else’s problem. That’s what science is for. But I wasn’t ready to let it lie. Rubbing up against madness is quite intoxicating. I’d felt it all the way through my studies, the yawning holes around me as I dreamed, guessed and hopped my way through the evolutionary history of those axolotls. I was pretty sure I could do it to a human too. The challenge, because there’s always an extra challenge, is that I was working with live subjects and tweaking them. Remember that not all of my subjects had lived… and the axolotl was a likely test bed for this stuff anyway, their being weird and regenerative beasts to begin with. Humans’ arms are notoriously bad at growing back.

I should note that I’m here as an object lesson in sticking to the path, or at least the path of finding another path according to the Thaumatorium guidelines and instruction. There’s a reason that even when going “off-book” as we do here, we’re going offroad in a really rugged vehicle that can handle the terrain and maybe kill one of those wolves when you hit it, rather than the other way round. The metaphors that this place hits you with all the time, confusing and mixed as they are, they’re all to help keep your mind and body safe and intact, at least until you graduate and it becomes someone else’s problem. Well, I didn’t listen well enough – that ‘s why I’ve got no left arm, but I do have two right arms, and one of them will probably live forever. Listen to your teachers, kids.

Shadow Joe

Shadow Joe

A long way away… over the hills and far away… It’s an almost inconceivable distance, yet the birds have been there, and they bring back stories of how the world could be different. Each winter they take from us a tale of woe, and return six months later singing of joy and hope.

I last saw them wheeling in the sky, preparing for their migration. They spun and soared high up above the gallows tree. They won’t sit in that tree, not any more. Beneath them old Shadow Joe swung gently in a counter-clockwise spin, drizzling a bloody figure of eight in the sparse grass below him. I don’t watch the hangings. Father says it’s not a thing anyone should watch, even though they do. But you should bear witness too, says mother. So I come afterwards. After they’re quiet, and still. All the breath squeezed out at the throat, and all the blood from a slash through the inner thigh, watering the earth. The ground doesn’t want it though – it stays glumly brown and the grass only ever grows there reluctantly. Doesn’t want to get too close to death. I’ll stay and watch Shadow Joe twist for a while. It’s sort of peaceful, once you forget that it used to be a person instead of this leaking bone sack. Of course, that’s all we ever really are – just some fat and skin wrapped around old white sticks. It’s amazing that we can be something more when we’re all put together properly. Makes you wonder where we go afterwards. I like to think that the birds will take Shadow Joe’s story and let him live again wherever they fly to. They’ll perch in some lovely trees, all blue-green leaves swaying in a warm breeze and twitter out about all the seasons Shadow Joe lived. How he was good to his wife, mostly. How his children got the best of him, how everything he did, he did for them. They’ll have to tell about the thefts though – even the worst things we do are a part of our lives, part of our story – and how Shadow Joe finally murdered Old Samuel when he was found out. It’s sad that people will remember the end of the story, not all the good parts in the beginning and the middle, just the end. Most people will forget about the snowmen he built, or that he’s why we have the big snowman competition in the coldest of midwinter, when there’s nothing else to do but stay warm and pray away the winter. Maybe we won’t even do that any more at all – no more going out once the sun’s properly up, wrapped in as many clothes as you can squeeze into, hardly able to walk because you’ve got three pairs of trousers on and four jumpers, with your dad’s coat the only thing big enough to encompass your new girth. Gloves only work for a bit against the cold of snow, before you warm too much of it with friction and before you know it, your hands are wet and freezing cold too. It means you’ve got to build a snowman even quicker, before you lose a finger. And then back into the glowing heat of home, wet gloves hanging against the hearth, while you’re wrapped in a blanket shivering back to warmth too. The next day everyone would go out and they’d be judged. I never won, but I came close, and it was fun. If we don’t do that this year, now that Shadow Joe’s hanging, well. I think that’ll be sad. Maybe we miss the things people do, or that they did, more than the people themselves. Maybe remembering someone is just remembering something they did that we liked, and thinking of them when you start to roll up a head out of snow. It’s sort of the same with my grandparents. I remember them doing, not just being. Even if that doing was a quiet, peaceful thing – like grandad sitting in that chair near the fire. Even when it’s empty I always think of it being filled with him, gently rocking, probably asleep, maybe reading. It’s not his voice, or anything he told me that I remember, just him taking up space, filling up a bit of the world with some life. That’s what we’ll all be missing from Shadow Joe. Big, boisterous space-filling. I hope others remember that about him too. Not that it isn’t bad what he did… No one should steal, even if they’re desperate, that’s what father says. But I do wonder if it shouldn’t be more like you shouldn’t steal unless you’re desperate, unless you’ve run out of choices and chances. If you steal before that, then you’re just a thief, but if you had no other option, no other way to feed your children, well, that doesn’t feel the same. Not like it’s good then, or anything, but surely it’s worse to steal when you don’t need something, just taking for the sake of taking. Stealing because you have to, maybe that’s not really stealing. Maybe everyone else stole from Shadow Joe when they wouldn’t share more when his wife fell ill, when his children caught it too. Maybe it wasn’t Shadow Joe who let everyone down, but that everyone else let him down. You shouldn’t kill either. Of course you shouldn’t! But things die all the time, and it’s all right if we do it to animals. But again, only if you need them. No one hunts for sport here, though some people talk about it like that might be a thing they do in other places. Just go out and murder for the fun of it. We kill animals so that we might live – because we need to. Not because we want to, I don’t think anyway. If we didn’t have to, I’m sure father wouldn’t mind not having to go out into the dark woods with the other hunters for days at a time. And it’s dangerous too – if you try to kill something, it’s a got a right to fight back. Unless you trick it with a trap, and maybe that is cheating, if you take a life without giving it a chance to run, or to attack. Maybe that’s what happened with Shadow Joe and Old Samuel. He didn’t mean to kill Old Samuel, or maybe he did mean to, but he never wanted to have to. His choices ran out again, and when Old Samuel found him in the store because that was all Shadow Joe had left, he was just defending himself, having that chance to fight back. Funny how it’s not all right to successfully fight back – we say they should fight back because that’s what makes it fair, but if they win, and kill rather than be killed, that’s not really fair again. It doesn’t seem like something you can win at.

The birds are getting all set to travel off again. Looks like they’re all up there now, in their thousands. No idea where they hide out most of the time, but they’re all gathered up, making strange shapes in the sky. I hope they remember the good parts of Shadow Joe and tell people all about him, wherever they go, and maybe tell them a little less about how he came to be hanging from the gallows tree. See you next year, birds, I look forward to your stories.

Captain Pigheart’s Hairy Adventure

Twas yet another dark night – it seems to be a theme of our venturin’ across the straits between Noster Fabreezi and the temple island of Blue Lycan. Not that yer noble captain is complainin’, no sir. The darkest nights are finest for sneaking, hiding and ambushing. It had just been an awful long while since we’d seen the moon. Ye see, before our present venture (which we’ll be getting to, calm your bristles lad), we’d ah, suffered some lunar mishaps ye might say. Allow me to whisk ye back in time about three weeks ago, when the lads went a tad off-piste in the charming seaside resort of Thiccorassi. Ye see, it was to be me pride and joy to officiate the wedding of one of me most beloved crewmates, Billy No Mates. At last we’d be marrying him off and shunting his miserable chops off to a life of drudgery and possibly happiness in a fine landlocked town where we’d likely never see him again. Twas a fine prospect. Maritime law, of course, dictates that yer mates must take the groom to be out on the town for a spot of debauchery and assorted acts of shame and humiliation. We were all looking forward to it, even Billy.

Now, Thiccorassi’s a fine place. Renowned for its hanging gardens, well-hung gentlemen and a gallows-themed theme park just beyond the harbour. Our leprous chef, Monty McBuboe, had consented to be Billy’s best man (at best he was but half a man, but ye can’t be too picky when you’re at sea), and he’d signed the crew up for a day and night of frantic drinking and sight seein’. Twas a beautiful night, with our big pal Captain Moon at his fullest, gazing down encouragingly at us all, with an indulgent smile on his lips and the hint of a wink in his eye.

I’ll confess that the theme park was rather more special than I’d imagined, with a wide range of rides and delights all based around the stretching of a fellow’s neck. Twas where we lost the first of our crewmembers that weekend: I’d had me doubts about the Long Neck ride where they’d just clamp a cage about the neck and shake you round and about in the air. In fairness, the kids that got off the ride before us seemed fine, if a little loose about the shoulders. Alas, poor Nikolai Shoebutt’s neck popped just minutes into the initial spinnin’. Perhaps it was me own admiralty-related fears that had my fingers white with how hard I clung on to that cage, but Nikolai’d been content to be flung about and his spine proved unfit for the challenge. They did at least return his head to us, which was a blessing since his body had been flung out across the park; we’d heard the screams that indicated its landing, but we were too busy to lug a torso about for the weekend. The head and cage we amusingly strapped to Billy’s shoulder so it appeared he had an intimate pal at last. Ah, how we laughed.

Onwards to the well-hung gentlemen and their impressive damsel companions. I’ve not seen so sensual a sashay and shimmy since I last braved the underwater realm of King Neptune and his saucy shark maidens. The ongoings of this particular occasion are to be fondly reviewed in our memories, yet ne’er spoken of again (until the rum flows in sufficient volume to drown even the most bashful of our seabound lotharios), suffice to say, “gaargh”. From thence we began a bawdy run about the wineries and ouzo parlours – all excellently well filled with libations from both grape and, I must presume, the fetid shart oysters from which ouzo is brewed. By the time we pounded on the gates of the hanging gardens, I could barely feel me eyes. All I wanted was to drag me fingers through the danglin’ flowers like a drunken fairy. After a bit we discovered that it wasn’t so much a gate as a portcullis, and with our mighty combined strength we raised it and staggered off into the garden. Tis a pity that none of us paid mind to the sign we trampled, with its strict injunctions against entering the gardens on a full moon. Still, you live and learn as they say, or, in pirate parlance, die a terrible death. The extending of life’s only good for increasing the likelihood that your end will be a vile and monstrous thing. Dive into a shark when yer young, that’s what I say.

The gardens were all silver filigree in the moonlight, rich black shadows framed by the horticultural treats of Thiccorassi. We were halfway through garlanding Billy in the flowers of the night when a dreadful howl quite split the velvet blackness about us. Twas shortly followed by a chorus of other howls, roughly torn from the throats of some frightful beast. Come to think of it, the sign we’d stamped over had had a curious red triangle with a wolf’s head turned in profile. Being a mostly sea-trottin’ fellow I’ve little experience of wolves and hairy, toothed monsters of their ilk. I’m more comfortable with a foe who’s arms outnumber the limbs on your average man. That night in Thiccorassi filled in some gaps in me education. An eruption of wolves from the undergrowth caused considerable alarm, especially given they were lurching about on two legs and snapping their foul muzzles wantonly at us. We lashed out, more or less at random with cutlass and pistol, for the beasts were swift, snapping in and out at our huddled circle in which we protected young Billy No Mates. Tis possibly the only time I’ve laid meself in harm’s way when that harm could easily have been absorbed by his unlovely face. Though we fought them off in time, the brutes had been cursedly effective, and all of us bar Billy bore their clawmarks and bloody imprints of their cruel fangs. We’d slain but one of the beasts, and were further startled when, as the full moon slid behind a cloud, the pistol-shot wolf-thing changed into a naked young lad filled with holes. Fear not, he was still dead.

We thought little of it, for stranger things happen at sea. We returned to general carousin’, after reading the sign and making sure it was replaced a little more at eye level for future visitors. Ouzo’s scarce fit to drink, but by god can it disinfect a wound. After the first rather full night of partying and drinking and violence we retired to an inn run by a rather waspish pair who seemed reluctant to grant us bed and board. Though they stared all moon-eyed at our somewhat bedraggled appearance, I swept their concerns aside with a description of Billy’s upcoming wedding. And also with me cutlass. Gaargh. Sleep came swift, and spinny.

The next day was to be spent in oiled wrestling, olive hurling and other Grecian pursuits, and we were as slippery as a jellied eel by the time night fell, and the moon rose once more. The reflected rays of Mr Moon fell upon our party as we rested in a moussaka garden. A frightful itching came over my teeth, and me arms looked a mite furrier than I recalled from earlier that day. In only a moment or two I watched Monty McBuboe’s arms and legs stretch out all furry and his head elongated into that of a snarling beast. He was not the only one. I followed too, which was wildly irritating as my peg leg and hook hand fell immediately by my chair, leaving me hopping about in new howling werewolf form! While we were still dimly aware of our human natures, the urge to bite and run rampant overwhelmed our better sides. None of us noticed Billy hiding under a tablecloth as we rioted out into the busy night streets of Thiccorassi.

It’s all well and good to put a cautionary sign up on your hanging gardens where you happen to pen up your local werewolves, but it was rather lacking in both detail and proper deterrent to a horde of drunk pirates. While we might be deserving of some share of the blame for the bloody mayhem that ensued that bright moonlit night, I’ll be damned if the real villain ain’t an administrative failing. We came to ourselves, naked and covered in blood, our pack in an unwelcome cuddle pile in the Thiccorassi cemetery. Twas potentially a mite embarrassing, but once Billy found us, pushing a barrow filled with what remained of our clothing and prosthetics, he explained that we’d quite decimated the local population, and there was no one likely to poke fun at our bedtime bonhomie.

So, Thiccorassi. Nice place, but no longer on the list of popular stag destinations. And now, near a month on from our hairy massacre, we sailed for the ancient temple on Blue Lycan, whose monks are reputed to have a cure for our lunar lunacy. Tis to be hoped they do, for otherwise Billy No Mates’ wedding’s to be a disaster, and worse, he’ll probably remain on board forever. Gaargh.

The Vending Machine

The Vending Machine

I’ve eaten all the Caramac bars, all the wheat tube crisp things and all the Kit-Kats. It leaves a disappointing selection in the vending machine, but I guess that’s just what a lack of self-restraint gives you. I told myself I should have been practicing the whole delayed gratification thing, but frankly when there are zombies pounding on the doors outside and grunting like the worst lover imaginable, I think I’m OK with the occasional treat. Serves me right for coming in to work on a Sunday I suppose.

One of the great things about a serviced office is that you can sometimes get the whole empty space to yourself. Being free of the endless distraction of people wanting to talk to you, either about work or whatever dreadful television experience they suffered through (those are my words, not theirs; they seem genuinely excited by the interaction of hand-picked wankers pretending to date on an island), and just the sight and sound of them. Really, an office to myself is an absolute dream. It’s not that I don’t like other people (despite claims of misanthropy), it’s just that they’re fucking annoying when you’re trying to get something done, and if I’m not ready to chat then the whole social hell is massively oppressive. So I’d taken to sloping in late and leaving early during the week, hiding as best I could in a little cubicle farm in the far corner from the entrance, where, if you hunker down and stay quiet, they might not even know you’re there. I might get interrupted by someone looking for a free desk, and have them look at me like I’m mad, sitting on the floor cross-legged with laptop actually on my lap. Then at the weekend I can both catch up on work, get some general peace and quiet and fit in a few hours of doing whatever I want. Ideally that’s getting loose and lazy leaning out of the window in the kitchenette with a vape and watching some kung fu movies. I’ll concede that this maybe doesn’t sound like the life you’d want to have, but I quite liked it.

Last Sunday I was in as usual at eight in the morning. Let myself in at the front faux-reception area which has swapped actual reception functions for a bank of buzzer buttons next to the elevator, not that you can even get that far without a key and keycard. No one likes unexpected visitors. From there it’s three floors up. The lift doors open onto the tiniest hallway, occupied by an emergency door to the utterly unused stairwell, my beloved snacks machine, the most plastic rubber plant imaginable, and the door into the maze of cubicles. We’re not a big outfit, or at least this little niche of it – twenty desks, maybe twenty-five staff rotating in and out including day to day managers. That Sunday I was once more alone, though I always held my breath going out from the lift to the office, just in case there was someone else there. If there’s just two of you it’s even worse. Like fucking magnets that have to smash into each other with trivia and banal exchanges of passive aggression. Fuck all of that. Mine, all mine! It had been the easiest cycle ride in, too. Dead quiet, hardly any traffic, not that that’s especially unusual first thing on a Sunday morning. It’s only the poor bastards with kids or an exercise dependency that have to get up early; or those whose bodies are too broken to lie in properly.

I did some work for a few hours, completing half the week’s jobs in under a morning (they really ought to just let us work from home), having selected the cubicle bang in the middle of the labyrinth, with a good view of the front door in case I needed to pretend I wasn’t there, and easy access to the kitchenette and the loos. Prime location. I was making my third or fourth dirty chai latte (my absolute favourite, something about despoiling an already perfect caffeine-free drink with espresso makes my heart sing), and wondering whether I could be arsed to do any more work if I should just drag my laptop in here and perch on the window sill for a vape. No, not that tedious nicotine stuff with the billowing clouds of candy floss vapour – a proper THC vape. It’s not always conducive to work, but I had a bunch of rote tasks that I could probably handle a bit stoned, with an appropriate soundtrack. I got myself balanced on the window sill, half-sitting across the window so I could exhale outwards, while watching a Donnie Yen film, and still have access to that glorious chai latte. The sound of a car crash outside gave me a fright and spanner that I am, I dropped the vape. Straight out of the window. Absolute motherfucker. Well, I wasn’t leaving that out there, so I awkwardly climbed back in, grabbed my keys and headed downstairs. The window I’d been leaning out of looks out on to a shitty little quadrangle between four identical micro office blocks. They must have been flats once, but some fuckwit decided to buck the trend for making billions off residential letting and had this half-empty set of offices instead. Smart people, everywhere. The quad is only accessible through a weird gate to one side of the main door, must have been a garage entrance or something. It was still very quiet for nearly midday, just a few cars racing past, seeking out adventure at Ikea, I imagined. The quad was as empty as ever, and my vape was unbroken, nestled between a sad attempt at a dandelion and an old Pepsi bottle. Win.

Less of a win was the guy staggering around the corner as I reached the main road again. I’m used to drunks, and weird fucked-up guys who aren’t actually homeless but they’re exactly what we’ve been told for years are what homeless guys look like. I suspect they’re actually landlords. This guy looked beyond fucked though. Belatedly I remembered the sound of crunching cars which had led me to this spot, and for a couple of seconds I wondered if he’d been involved. One side of his head looked kind of concave, and his left arm was all mangled, like it had been caught in a seat belt while he was thrown out of the windscreen (I watch a lot of action movies). Lots of blood. I hesitantly started towards him, and I guess he hadn’t noticed me until then, because I was dead sure I had his attention after that. His jaw dropped, like halfway down his neck, drooling like that dog we had when I was fourteen. His non-wrecked arm came right up, grasping fingers outstretched and he roared. I mean, big cats roar, and maybe bears, but it’s the best word for this outraged noise that emerged from him. He came right for me, and there was nowhere to go but back into the quad.

I pulled the gate shut right behind me, and dropped the latch. I was so freaked out that I just stood there for a second as he slammed into the gate, trying to shove his arm and shoulder through it. I was under no illusions though, this guy hadn’t been in a car crash – or maybe he had – but this was quite definitely a zombie, or zombie-adjacent murderous fuck. Thankfully he looked like he’d been pretty thick before whatever had happened to make him like this, and he wasn’t even trying for the catch. Enough banging against it might make it jump up though… I snapped a pic with my phone, because why not? Insta would need to know what was going on. I backed off, but he was pretty keen, and I realised I’d trapped myself in the quad with only a drop-catch as protection. I’ve seen zombie movies where they trick the zombies and do lots of running around. I’m not a runner, and that never ends well. As he managed to make the catch give a tiny bit, I made up my mind. My kitchen window was still open three stories above. I cycle, have very occasionally done a spot of recreational rock climbing and used to be able to do pull ups. Here we’ve got classic old hardcore drain pipes (none of that plastic crap), a bunch of window ledges and some decorative architectural things. I could do this. As the gate burst open, with the zombie guy blissfully caught with his wrecked arm stuck in it, I did it. I got up above the first floor as the zombie wrenched his whole damn arm off and came running to mash himself against the wall beneath me.

I might have been good at exercise when I was younger if a one-armed slavering madman stood screaming below me until I got to the top of the rope. It certainly worked now. Sweating like it was peak summer, my heart racing like I’d done genuine exercise so much that I thought I might be about to have a heart attack, I hauled myself in through the window and tumbled to the floor, knocking my latte and laptop flying. Still, I had my vape back. I peered back outside, and could just see the flailing arm of the zombie below. He hadn’t given up yet. Obviously I checked Twitter and the news immediately: we were fucked. The news was a bit worried about some ill people and telling everyone to stay inside; Twitter was screaming ZOMBIES. I uploaded my pic and wondered what to do. I was relatively safe. The adrenaline and the THC had kicked in and the munchies were coming on strong. That’s when I remembered about the Caramacs in the vending machine – an object I generally try to ignore, because a Caramac costs ninety fucking pence – but this seemed like an emergency.

It’s now Wednesday. The catastrophe continues to unfold outside, but the internet and power are still on. I’ve got a kitchen and the loos have a creepy “come watch me wash” shower corner, so it’s not too grim yet. However, I’ve completely run out of change, as has the tea jar in the kitchen, and all the drawers in the desks, and I’m not prepared to bankrupt my debit card. Fuck it, this is a zombie plague situation: I’m going to break into the vending machine.

Welcome to Cordeus Cex

Welcome to Cordeus Cex

“I’m thirty years old, and I’d like another ten.” That’s how I put it to the doctor anyway. Calling him the doctor seems awfully formal for a man I’ve known since his birth, right here on Cordeus Cex. He’s probably one of the last kids I did get to know all through their lives. You only have to have a couple of generations and suddenly there are hundreds of new people. Anyway, his name wasn’t “doctor” it was Campbell Seuss, and he was a good man. He was a second generation, from loving parents who were part of the original founders of the colony, like me. Unless you count the robots and auto-assemblies who arrived well in advance of course, along with the two arobots who unfolded themselves on first touch down and coordinated the initial mild terraform and set up the town infrastructure. Only one them is still knocking about, and it doesn’t get out much, not since it was broken down and integrated with the communications relay. 

Now, thirty doesn’t sound particularly old, not by Earth standards anyway, but Cordeus Cex is a good way further out from our sun, making our years three and a half Earth years. It was a nightmare trying to keep in time with Earth routines, but even so it took a couple of (Earth) years before we properly abandoned it. Why keep time with your old imperium? We all converted to CC time, which made me about eight and a half. Keeping track of both ages was a special torture, particularly when you’re also adapting to thirty hour day. It became pretty meaningless after a while, but if you really wanted to, there was always a computer around to do the maths for you. Still, I reckon forty’s not out of reach, not here on Cordeus Cex, where every indication from the second generations and upwards suggests they’ll be seeing ages perhaps double what they’d have got on old Earth. Not that they’ve seen it, I mean, we showed them pictures for a while. It’s good to get a sense of history, but Earth has millennia of history, most of which is interesting but irrelevant to them unless they’re big readers. Seuss’s mum preserved a lot of it as stories, the more interesting history tomes were written like historical fantasies, so you get a decent narrative. The odds of anyone going in search of them feel a bit slight. We’re rather busier expanding and adapting. And it’s further adaption that I was hopeful would take me up to forty.

It’s not that I want to live forever, but I was barely an adult when we left Earth, part of the big spiral wave, flinging colony ships out across the galaxy. Not all of them had a fixed destination, but luckily ours did – there’s only so much running on hope you can do. With Cordeus Cex as our destination we spent five years awake at either end of the trip on board the ship, plus forty in cold storage in between (Earth years – or fourteen and change in CC time – you see how confusing it gets). During that hibernation phase the automated builders were launched ahead of us, at terrifying velocity since they had no soft bits to get squished. By the time we arrived the colony was ready for occupation. A lot of work still needed afterwards of course, since one of the arobots had got it into their head that what we really needed were wild and sprawling monkey puzzle tree shapes to live in. No one managed to unravel that one, and since they were structurally sound we just moved in. Living in a miniature maze was a little strange, with the slightly reflective walls picking up sunlight and bouncing them all round in interior. Clever. Just… odd. 

By the time we moved in, we’d almost forgotten how many people hadn’t made it. Cold storage had been tested by the companies designing the colony ships, but no one had ever had the product testing time to try them out for forty years. Maybe five of continuous use and probably less with healthy people in them. Lots of dark whispers about testing them on prisoners and the long-term bedridden elderly – Earth isn’t a bad place to have left behind. So a failure rate of thirty-eight per cent wasn’t surprising, but it was shocking. Redundancy is hard to build in when you have no idea who’s going to survive. We were recruited, hired or chosen by lottery and arranged into functional pods of fifty. Each with a fixed number of specialists in medicine, engineering, mechanics, science, construction, agriculture – basically everything, including teachers, cooks and so on. Everyone had a bunch of other interests, but we were all young. All under eight – dammit, twenty-eight – young enough to have the best chance of surviving cold storage, young enough to have a full life ahead of us, and young enough to have studied, learned and experienced something that would prepare us for life on another world. That included the two years of learning about Cordeus Cex and everything we might need to know when we arrived. They didn’t cover handling the loss of one hundred and ninety people, or suddenly discovering them when we got out of cold sleep. The ship had been automatically jettisoning them as they died to save power and weight, so when we woke up there were just gaps all around us. Only me and Campbell’s mum survived from our pod. My particular specialty was logistics, with a secondary skillset in theatre of all things. Campbell’s mum, Keala, was a top-flight biomedical specialist. It was all quite traumatic, but we had five years of being awake on ship while we decelerated to get used to it. By the time we actually debarked, it was just part of the journey. 

CC, our common abbreviation for the place that is home, is a good deal warmer than Earth, the atmosphere naturally drier, but wetter on the ground. It hadn’t been entirely dead before we got there – you can’t add a biosphere to a world that has nothing. Not without hundreds or thousands of years to work on it anyway. Some of the others in the spiral wave were headed for such places. I shuddered to imagine how few of them might survive cold storage over centuries. We were lucky. We are lucky. The local bacteria that had survived a series of brutal extinction events like on Earth were more or less compatible, and nine or so CC years had been time for the arobots to seed the ground thoroughly with Earth contaminants and, with appropriate prodding, they’d interbred to produce something that wouldn’t kill us. No one expected the jellies though. Tiny translucent nets drifting through the air. They got stuck in your hair, your clothes, and worse – your skin and eyes. They hadn’t bothered the machines or arobots a bit, but all of a sudden we were crashing with respiratory failures. Keala and the others took a while to figure out what was going on. While the arobots had been merging the Cordeus Cex biosphere with ours, the jellies were doing it the other way round. A few people did die, but those who didn’t experienced something quite different. The jellies sank into their bodies, fragmenting and got busy breaching cell walls. It looked like an awful plague with all the inflammation and freaking out of the nervous system that you might expect. And you couldn’t get them out – not if they’d already gone through your skin. Then our people started waking up again, and they were fine. No, better than fine: stronger, more resilient, faster. Hell, even their hair looked shinier. The jellies had merged with the mitochondria in our cells, amping up every source of power in the human body. Once they’d done that to a hundred of our colonists, it started spreading by skin contact, breath, the works. In under a year we were all infected, though none of the rest of us had the same initial reaction. It was like a really bad cold for a fortnight (seventeen or so days to you…) and then I woke up feeling amazing.

We weren’t just going to survive, we were going to thrive. And we have. The younger kids – third generation and onwards are tall, dense and smart as hell. I just want another few years to see what comes next as we expand out of this valley and into the next, sprawling farmlands, a new closed loop hydro system due to be finished in the next year… and the theatre I set up is doing well. I’m it’s main patron, which means I just show up for the first performances and give occasional speeches and stuff. The old classics are still in use, but they’ve all been reshaped and recontextualised – the CC versions of Aristophanes’ The Frogs, Webster’s The Duchess of Malfi are all but unrecognisable, bar the tone of the language. It’s nice to see us drifting further from Earth, becoming true Cordeusians. Campbell’s not even sure we could live on Earth again, not with the changes. So I’d like another ten, but I’ll take five.

Live Cargo

Live Cargo

The sky sparkled, every particle in the atmosphere like a falling crystal flaring in the sunlight. All of it drifting down to land like snow on the face and outstretched limbs of the man lying sprawled across the rock. The trail of shattered glass, some of which was embedded in the man’s clothing and flesh underneath, led back to the wreckage of the sleek space cruiser, smashed on impact like cheap pottery. The bits of stuff falling on him were tiny flaming fragments of plastic and metal, even so it took a while before he woke up. Eventually though the gentle fiery taps on his face and hands kicked him back out of blissful unconsciousness into a world where pain existed again. Corlton Jak snapped awake at a sensation most like his older brother flicking lit matches at him while they dawdled in the woods, drinking cheap hooch and making a nuisance of themselves. That would been preferable. Instead he sat up and slapped urgently at the fine rain of detritus from the mess he’d made of entering the planetary atmosphere. It had been a bad angle, and he’d been on the verge of passing out anyway after a series of high velocity twists and turns. At first, he’d feared he was going to skip off the atmosphere entirely, yet a series of unwise but effective readjustments had smashed the ship awkwardly and spinning through that thin barrier. The spin had been impossible to arrest, and the re-entry fried the outside of the ship and started to dig under the external panelling. Much of what was still falling was insulation, and inevitably, invaluable parts of the engines that had exploded as he came down. It was not far short of a miracle that he’d survived at all. He was very bruised, very stiff and with a killer headache, but it seemed nothing was broken. Yet, anyway. Corlton had managed to drag himself out of the ship just after the impact nearly shattered his teeth, out through the old-fashioned windscreen and far enough away to possibly survive if the whole thing blew up. Losing the engines on the way down had actually been a bonus, since they’d gone bang while he was spinning and spared them blowing on crash landing. There hadn’t been a lot of landing about it. He gently plucked shards of glass out of his suit, wincing at a couple of longer slivers that had dug in properly. Time to review the situation.

Well, it wasn’t good, was it? Chased around a moon by pirates or cops (he hadn’t hung around to check, and these days anyone could look like anything), sniped at until he took his best chance and dived for the crappy little planet below. Corlton had been approaching the end of his series of covert iminal-space hops, from shithead planet to the next, all nicely out of the way and intended to avoid the precise kind of attention he’d received. Seriously, could no one smuggle in peace any more? He’d plainly been rattled by the crash because it took until he unravelled how he’d come to be here that he remembered why he was even in the damn ship to begin with. Smuggling has ever been a risky yet lucrative profession, and Corlton mostly shifted medical gear and objects generally the subject of colonial theft. Getting medicine and tech into the hands and bodies of those who needed them, albeit at ferociously inflated prices had never felt like a bad thing, and depriving the various empires and kingdoms of the riches they’d have stolen from their conquests was also in the grey areas, for him. Sure, the cases of Vaulx artifacts he’d last run out to some old man on a frighteningly weathered space station were hardly benefiting the Vaulx, but given that the Mondarian Empire was busy annihilating all of the Vaulx anyway, at least that handful of bone-worked statuary would survive. The money was decent, the risks were manageable. Or they had been till now.

Corlton climbed back into the spaceship through the newly open front, wincing from the bruises and ducking under the crumpled ceiling. At the rear of the ship, which looked like a stamped-on drink can, he put a good deal of sweat and effort into prising the buckled panels off the floor beside the bathroom facilities (a fancy way of describing a miserable powder shower and a chair with a hole in it). Eventually, with a broken nail and the extra bruise of the crowbar bouncing up and whacking him in the collar bone, Corlton pulled the boards away and inspected his cargo. It didn’t look like much: a neat metal case, complete with handle and flip-up panel that told him the contents were alive, and also dead – he wasn’t the only thing that had taken a few blows in the crash. Corlton didn’t like smuggling living things. They required extra maintenance, and might not wish to be cargo which led to all sorts of additional trouble. Further compensation however, very impressive further compensation had compromised whatever ethics Corlton liked to pretend he had. He only bent those ethics for a decent reward, and the reward would be nothing if the contents of the case weren’t alive at the other end. Getting off this planet would be a thrilling next step, but Corlton dealt with problems in the order in which they could be resolved. If the thing in the case had died, then he wouldn’t need to lug it to the nearest city or station while figuring out how to get off-world again. That was a trick he’d learned early on – if you’re engaged in a risky adventure, you should balance the risks against the consequences. Like crashing on an unoccupied world that you’re then going to die on. Far better to inimal-hop between planets that might help save your arse. There were more than enough rough and ready colony worlds who had zero imperial law enforcement, but did have ports and comms rigs. And Corlton always had money; he dug that out next.

There was no sign of the gunship that had chased him out of the moon’s shadow. It was possible that his crashing through the atmosphere and into the ground had looked just as fatal as it had felt. No reason to hang about though. His geolocator had already identified a nearby town, a mere sixty mile hike away. Best see what he needed to take with him first. He’d pulled the secure case and the rest of his gear out of the ship, which seemed even more bedraggled once he’d exited it. A shame. She’s been a nifty little cruiser for the last ten years. A new identity and ship might not be a bad idea if folks were willing to blast this one anyway. It would be night soon, and he needed to get moving. Sticking with the ship was not a good idea, and he doubted there was much in the rocky scrub ahead to worry him, other than the lack of good-looking cover.

Corlton laid the case on the ground and tapped at the screen. The case hissed a little and popped open. Inside lay what he’d been an awful lot of money to transport. He’d seen pictures, but never the real thing: it looked like a tiny deer, but made of feathers and icicles – the most delicate frosting of an animal he’d ever seen. A Vicunxian snowflake cat, or at least that’s what humans had called it. No one knew what the Vincunxians would have called it since they’d fled their homeworld only a few years after the Mondarians turned up in orbit, looking for rare metals. They’d found those, and a wide range of really weird animal life. The Mondarians were more interested in mining than preservation, and alas it was down to various collectors and zoos to catalogue and rescue the creatures. The empire guarded all its assets jealously however, even the ones they didn’t care about. Even though this little thing seemed terribly fragile it didn’t look broken and sets of flute-looking structures along the back of its legs were waving all by their own, breathing presumably. At least it was light. Corlton turned away to grab the heavy-duty rucksack he’d retrieved from the ship, intending to stick the case, food, water and anything else he might need inside. But when he turned back, perhaps a few seconds later, the case was empty.

“Goddammit,” he muttered to himself, slowly turning in a circle. It made a sound like a chandelier in a breeze, glass chimes and pouring wine. He snapped round and spotted it, standing on its hind legs, one foreleg resting on a rock and the other reaching out in the air. He had no idea if it was looking at him – the snowflake cat had no visible eyes and he was only fifty per cent certain that the larger shape pointed up at the sky was its head.

“Alright you, let’s get you back in the box,” he said, sidling up to its glistening shape. The snowflake cat allowed him to get within a few feet before hopping further off, neatly skipping up the crumpled side of the space ship and posing on its battered roof. Already Corlton was deeply regretting opening the case, reflecting that the panel might have been right, or at least not wrong if it couldn’t tell if the weird little glass deer as alive or not. He scrambled up the side of the ship, barked shins and all. Once more the snowflake cat waited until it was almost in lunging distance before gracefully leaping off down towards the tail of the ship, and from there onto a larger rock. It assumed its previous posture. Corlton sighed, and slid back down the side of the ship. The game continued, with one sparkling and insouciant alien cat thing, and one very exhausted smuggler. Each time the damned thing got a little higher up, rearing upwards with one paw extended to the sky.

Concussion plays merry hell with thinking and common sense, and it wasn’t until the Vincunxian snowflake cat was halfway up a tree that Corlton paused, panting, and figured out that the cat was pointing at the sky. A star was steadily burning its way toward them. Corlton had messed about with the cat for too long, and whoever had gone after him in orbit was coming down to finish the job. Whether the snowflake cat was trying to warn him or what, he had no idea, but if he couldn’t get it down from the tree he was going to have to abandon it and put some distance between himself and the wreck. Hastily, he stuffed everything else he could in the rucksack, and turned back to check on the cat. It was no longer in the tree. It had hopped back onto the spaceship roof, and was no longer pointing at the approaching vehicle. That was good, but it was plainly too nimble to be caught. At best it might follow him and he’d get a chance later to seize it. He laid the case on top of the rucksack and strapped it all down. Time to get moving.

The terrain had looked awkward and slow from a distance but Corlton was making good time, despite his array of bruised and sore joints. The snowflake cat was indeed following, pausing now and then to check on the progress of their pursuer. It was definitely getting closer, and there was damn all in the way of shelter. Corlton kept going, turning now and again to check on both the cat and the spaceship. It disappeared for a while, presumably to investigate the crash site. But soon enough it was back on Corlton’s tail. There just wasn’t anywhere to hide – a dismal lack of caves, pitiful tree cover and not even a stream to try hiding in. Corlton had a small pistol, and a rather brutal knife, neither of which would be any use against a trans-orbital vehicle. He was hot, tired and unlikely to get away, so he gave up and sat down on a rock. The snowflake cat came and knelt beside him, it’s sharply angled head gazing outward with what seemed like anticipation. He didn’t have to wait long.

The ship did indeed catch up in no time, having found the wreckage abandoned. It only took them a few minutes to cover the miles that Corlton had strained for. As the dull grey shape slowed and turned, presenting one its flanks, Corlton made a show of veery obviously placing his pistol and knife on the ground. The side of the ship flexed down and out into a ramp, and Corlton reluctantly braced himself for either being shot or arrested. Neither of those things happened. Instead the strangest creature Corlton had ever seen unfolded itself from the open door. It was obviously related to the snowflake cat by his side, which was vibrating and making small anxious motions with its feet. The thing emerging from the craft had the same icicle delicacy, with multi-jointed crystalline limbs, like a spider and a scarecrow and a centaur all mashed together and made out of cake frosting. Corlton didn’t even breathe. He had no doubt at all that this was another Vincunxian creature, perhaps even one of the natives who’d left their homeworld. It tip-toed down the ramp, the fading sun catching it through all the planes and vertices of its structure. Dazzling, so much so that Corlton had to squint to look at it, and then suddenly it was right in front of him, leaning over him, that scarecrow torso tilted down to coolly regard him. Then it turned to the little snowflake cat by Corlton’s side, and it made a sound like champagne flutes rattling against each other. The cat hopped down, and with a single backward glance at Corlton, skipped off up the ramp and into the craft. The Vincunxian returned its attention to the smuggler. It uttered another sparkle of breaking glass before joining the snowflake cat up the ramp. The door sealed itself and the ship departed, leaving Corlton quite alone as the sun fell below the horizon.

Dark Mornings

Dark Mornings

Morning routines really matter. It’s so easy to just lie in your bunk, swaddled in damp blankets, doing your best to pretend you haven’t woken up – you’re still asleep and nothing in the world in real. Yet. But you have to wake eventually, and some awful bodily need will compel you out of that burrow and propel you reluctantly into the sheer hell of wakefulness. Best to get ahead of it, dims the resentment a little bit and gives you a Done Thing. Yes, I am down to counting getting up as a noteworthy achievement, because I’ve been through this cycle of just lying in my own filth and refusing to do the world. It worked for a while, but then it didn’t and nothing was getting any better. So now I get up. Not wild early – there’s no point in that – but in time that I catch the tail end of sunrise as it sweeps towards the hab dome. It’s quite a sight, and on occasion I do wake up in time to watch the whole thing. It’s so impressive, apparently, because there’s no appreciable atmosphere on this moon, so I don’t get the awesome polluted and cloudy haze of home. This is crisp, a sharp line of light breaching the horizon with a proper action movie glare, which sweeps over the pitted face of the moon and fills the hab with sharp white light. It’s well worth continuing to use up the supply of coffee for.

Once I’ve completed getting up, having coffee, and checking that the sun is present tasks, I amble about the rest of the day. All deep space structures, even though those securely built onto bodies with gravity, need a certain amount of daily maintenance. We’re well shielded, nestled in the side of a substantial volcanic outcropping, but you can’t do much about the showers of meteors and general space crud that rains down when there’s no atmosphere to burn even the dust away. Thus, the point defence lasers get a quick check to make sure they’re paying attention, aren’t losing power or turning against us. Only joking: it’s just me, and I’m pretty sure the lasers aren’t out to get me. There are dozens of systems like this, and I check them in the order of ways I’d least like to die. That’s why the lasers are first – I don’t want to get sucked out into vacuum to die. Next comes general structural integrity, for the same reason as above, it’s just slower. Then heating, because freezing would suck. Air and respiration are lower down the list than you might expect (or indeed, by the manual’s requirements), but I’m fairly confident that I’d die in my sleep and that’s possibly the best outcome I’ve got to look forward to. I do make sure these things are working, but honestly I’ve lost track of whether I’m doing a good job of checking them. This is “loss of spirit” in action.

There are other daily habits less to do with absolute life or death scenarios. I go to the greenhouse, marvel that anything is still growing, water them if they look sad, spritz the soil for the succulents that I’ve lined up to enjoy sunrise. I try not to eat anything from the garden, unless it’s desperate to drop off the vine, as it were. I don’t want anything to go to waste, it’s just – well, if I eat them all now, I won’t be able to ferment them into spacewine. I’m content to live off the huge but declining supply of tinned and powdered foodstuffs which were always meant to be the main component of our meals, with anything from the gardens as a treat or splash of colour. Thankfully this moon is pretty hefty, giving almost normal gravity so the plants that do grow aren’t freakishly wiry things, sprawling across the space. I probably wouldn’t go in the greenhouse at all if they were like that. I record the daily updates, just a summary of “systems nominal, all still fucked.” I left those out for a long while, and if anyone received the messages leading up to the weeks when I didn’t do anything, no maintenance, no getting up, no nothing, they weren’t concerned enough to get in touch. That’s a bit unfair. We’re a very long way from home, and I haven’t been outside the dome to check whether the dish is sending and receiving properly. It’s empty out there, and I don’t trust myself to just go out there and stay there till my air runs out. That’s fractionally harder to do in here. Even if they did get the messages, we’re three years away at minimum, and they already know that almost the whole crew is dead.

I keep saying “we” out of habit and even though it’s only one letter different from “me”, that slide down the alphabet feels less bleak. Besides, they’re all still here, they’re just not alive. Last checks of the day: the morgue. It’s less of a proper morgue than it is a store room I was able to turn the heating off for, so it’s somewhat colder than most real morgues. I come here every day to check that the door is locked. Then I wait, holding my breath, ear to the door to make sure it’s quiet. Then I open the window pane. Nine bodies. I count them, try hard not to name them. Their names are drifting away anyway, as their cold dead bodies began to intertwine not long after I stuffed them in here. Dallas and Vick are still in their spacesuits, and the big orange letters remind me constantly of who they were. The bramble thing they brought back from outside got inside them, and it’s bent them into unnatural shapes, limbs broken out in weird angles, piercing each other’s suit, and now they’re bound together. It might be near absolute zero in here, but those damn things are still growing imperceptibly. They’ve bound the rest of the crew as if they’ve all been rolled up in barbed wire and shaken violently. They’re all still, cold and quiet. I close the window pane, resist the urge to open it again and see if they’ve moved, and then double, triple, quadruple check the door is locked. Technically, checking on my dead crew ought to higher up the list because I really don’t want to die like that, but who can face that first thing in the morning?

Then I have free time. It’s the worst part of the day. All of my cellular experiments died when I took those few weeks off, and I haven’t the heart to restart them, which just gives me more free time. I read, I run around the hab’s exercise suite and ignore most of the equipment in there. I try not to check on the cold room again more than once. I open the spacewine. It’s not good, but with a spot of careful chemistry and use of lab supplies, it’s about sixty per cent proof. I stare out into the darkness beyond the dome. Maybe I’ll print a jigsaw tomorrow, spend some time on that. I wonder why I’m not dead too, and whether that tapping noise is coming from the morgue, or if it’s just one of the many perfectly ordinary sounds that the dome makes. One more check before bedtime.

Beefcake Magic

Beefcake Magic

With a gesture, a looming cyclone of gases and dust whipped up off the ground. In a few seconds it was taller than the clock tower in the town square, which it took no time at all to shatter into fragments which it then spat across the road. Fighting wizards is precisely zero fun. This particular dangerous lunatic had holed up in a charming little American town, Gilmore Girls but with a magical psychopath instead of a heart-warming mother-daughter relationship. He’d suborned the inhabitants and had them mining vitality – magical energy – for his own dubious purposes. Unfortunately, vitality isn’t like coal or tin, except for its appalling side effects on human wellbeing. You harvest it directly from living things. Wizards usually start with pets, their parents’ lovingly tended gardens or just their siblings. The escalation to drawing it straight out of people is often really fast as the wizard gets a taste for it and realises that although there’s a lot of grass, each blade doesn’t have that much vitality. It’s easy to be impressed by the green glow of photosynthesis, but that’s just powering a plant. What you’re looking for are the unique properties that come from the synthesis of all those properties. The good stuff, the real vitality is in humans. Animals have it, but not as much. It’s all about the factors of complexity, and in human beings there’s so much complexity that we develop actual minds – the supervening properties if you will. Harvesting a human soul, all those hopes and dreams and ideas and feelings, that’s basically meth for these wankers. So mining a town for vitality is pretty horrific. First you enslave your miners, that’s brute force charmwork, smashing their minds so thoroughly that they can’t resist you, stealing as much of their vitality as you can without killing them outright. They’re like the undead, but less chatty. Once you’ve got your basic vitality zombies, you get them to do the entrapment and murder for you. That means getting the parents you’ve suborned to abduct their kids and hook them up to the invisible magical web that you – the wizard – have strung up all through the town. Relying on the social and familial networks lets the vitality harvesting spread naturally through an area. There are very few people in any given town who aren’t tied up in some way to the rest. You might immediately think, ah yeah – the child molesters and serial killers, but actually no. Horrifying as it sounds, the former are far better tied into a social network than you’d hope. None of them survive for long if they just hang around playgrounds. People get creeped out and they get reported. No, they’re on the parent teacher association, run a local business, are your parents’ friends. Well embedded. And serial killers are just too rare for this situation. No, what we hope for in these situations is someone totally ostracised, who doesn’t even got to the local grocery store, or has only recently moved to the outskirts of town and knows no one. They’re the only people who aren’t in the social web, unless they get Amazon deliveries, and delivery folks are local, in which case they’re all fucked.

So who are we? We – in this case I – am one of the latest generation of an order with a  truly shameful past. Set up by Oliver Cromwell during his ill-fated, ill-planned and downright stupid Lord Protector of England, Scotland and Ireland phase. Lots of innocent dead people because he was a paranoid fuckwit, and quadruply so that of the people who claimed titles like “Witchfinder General”. Still, they were right about magic being a threat, just utterly wrong about how to spot it, what it did, why it was dangerous and so on. Flash forward nearly four hundred years and the Witchfinders are still in business, properly now. Magic started waking up when European imperialists got really stuck into mass murder and genocide, all building up to the big bangs in the twentieth century. Kill a bunch of people and you end up with a lot of vitality sloshing about. Not that the arseholes behind these massacres were wizards. They were depressingly just ordinary monsters. The wizards came later, as all that vitality sank into the soil and into people as they travelled about the globe. It’s not those people’s fault that their kids became wizards because they survived a war, or escaped some awful situation. You want the best for your children, but there are other factors at play here.

So I found myself in a picturesque town in the Midwest, full of dead and dying people that a wizard had sucked dry of vitality. We got a tip off from an utter waste of space crypto-mining kid who lived in his mother’s basement. The mum had died years ago and he was sponging off her benefits having never reported that death. A real charmer, but that’s how far you have to go to drop out entirely. We alas did not save him, as the vitality engine worked through all those lines of association and eventually sent someone from the post office round to check on his mum. We arrived the next day. Tracking the wizard isn’t hard. These aren’t smart people who’ve studied for years and learned spellcraft. They can absorb vitality and direct it wherever their heart desires to the extent that they’re bright enough to imagine it. Sometimes they’re also smart people, but mostly they’ve been trained to learn they can suck whatever they want out of people without any real effort, so they’re lazy, often stupid and still very, very dangerous. For example, since we’ve got a prime case right here, this one, having murdered all his friends, family and town he lived in has transformed himself into a right swole guy, all thick muscle and tight clothes (plus a cape), like he’s either a WWE wrestler or has escaped from a Tom of Finland strip. He’s now too big to get into the ridiculous theme park his developmentally-challenged imagination has twisted the town into. There’s no way he could get into the rollercoaster cars now. Not that he’s want to. Even from the other side of town you can see how the rails go up and down, but just fade away where he’s lost interest. I’m no structural engineer, but I know that you need some supports. Moron.

But that brings me back to where we came in. Raising a cyclone is potentially a cool idea if you know how they work, but this wizard’s running on a memory of news footage or possibly Twister. All he’s doing is shoving a lot of air around, which does quite a lot of damage, but without comprehending the forces involved, he’s got to pay attention to it all the time. And so he is, standing on a bizarre half-throne half-pageant float in the middle of the square, the vitality web so full it’s actually visible in the air like tiny flaring fairy lights strung all through town, all feeding down into him. He’s working so hard at this, hands twisting awkwardly to get the thing spinning, big dumb frown on his face like a clown-sized Colin Farrell. In case it’s not clear, I’m the distraction. All I’m waiting for is for him to get precisely this invested in a stupid way to kill a single person. I might look like more than just one guy, but that’s a bit of magic too, as was my dismantling the awful “world’s strongest man” fairground game he’d created in his own image. Just getting his attention. Meanwhile… on a nearby building my sniper took the shot. Magic, yes. Immortal, no. As the bullet goes straight through one straining eye and out the back, the beefcake wizard topples off the platform. The vitality web drags with him. In a moment it’ll start to decohere and sink back into the world, ready to infect some other sod with wizardry. That’s the other reason I’m here. With my hands and my mind I wind up the dissipating web of vitality, reeling it in like a trawler’s net, packing it down and sealing it up. There’s no way to return the vitality to all the victims – they’re just plain dead, or braindead at least – we’re going to take this vitality back to the Witchfinders and use it to find more wizards. We fight magic with magic… and bullets.

Angelic Encounter

Angelic Encounter

A cold, cloudless night. Stars and moon pin-sharp, glaring down at the earth below. With a restrained caw of satisfaction the angel alighted on the very tip of a thin branch, folding its wings in close as it did so. It appeared unaware that it was being observed.

Less than thirty feet away, a man and a woman were crouched within a hide, camouflaged with the rhododendron bushes that sprouted ferociously and greedily from the ground. Unseen, silent. At the angel’s arrival they moved with minute care to make not a single sound and yet still angle themselves best to watch.

Apparently unconcerned, the angel began to increase its mass, causing the branch it rested upon to slowly bow down towards the ground. As its leaves pressed onto the freezing ground, the angel gracefully stepped off the limb and allowed it to snap back into the air, scarcely ruffling the angel’s feathers. Slowly, with agonising care, the angel extended its wings. The six joints in each of the four wings permitted the wings to unfold like the undulation of a centipede, its feathers stretching to their fullest extent. It turned side-on to the observers and began its dance. First one wing would pass over its front, pause, and then its eyes would open. All thirty-three on each wing would blink in a ripple of activity. Then the angel turned, almost hiding itself behind the wing as it took an oh-so casual step forward, repeating the action with its other wing. This was how they hunted, each wing speeding up stroboscopically, a hypnotic wave of feathers and blinking eyes.

The object of the hunt lay between the angel and the hide: a child. The small boy, aged perhaps five or six, gazed, enraptured by the angel’s display. In the hide, the observing pair grew tense with anticipation. The child was a lure, and lightly buried in the earth around the boy was a noose that the woman would draw tight the moment the angel stepped within the circle. Alas, they were not unduly concerned for the boy’s wellbeing. Such a child could be found anywhere in the stinking city that they inhabited, and his disappearance would be near-unnoticed, unremarked and unremarkable. It was yet possible the child would survive the encounter, which might present some small issues later, but was of little consequence for the moment. The boy was bundled up tightly against the cold, with a hot water bottle to keep him content, and ideally, quiet. The small bedraggled thing he clutched might once have been a stuffed rabbit, perhaps. He was utterly entranced by the motion of the angel, barely even noticing that it drew steadily closer, till it stood just outside the noose, shyly hiding its face behind the wings and its so, so many eyes.

The observers had long since ceased to breathe, excitement and anxiety warring with fear and adulation. Even though the angel wasn’t directing its attention at them, the undulation of its wings wrought its influence, and had they been the subject of its dance, they too – like the child – would have been unable to resist. The child’s consideration fully on the angel it lunged suddenly, wings snapping out, all one hundred and thirty-two eyes blazing, their vertical pupils wide in the starlight. Revealed – its withered husk of a body, scrawny neck and face that was nothing more than a hole ringed with razor sharp teeth. In an appalling, graceful movement it entered the circle and swept its wings around the silent, adoring child.

The action was so sharp and cruel that it broke the angel’s spell on the observers, and in haste they waited not a second longer, triggering the snare. The noose whipped closed, drawing tight around the two-toed fingers of the angel’s feet, each horribly like a pair of severed human fingers. The trap whipped the angel upside down and ten feet into the air where it flailed and screeched in a language not understood by humans for millennia. The eyes on its wings reeled, trying to understand what had happened to it, jerking around the bushes that surrounded the clearing as it twisted and spun in the trap.

With the angel at least held in place, the observers emerged from the hide. The woman, tall, dark-haired as far as one could tell beneath the furry hat, dressed for the cold, with thick leather gloves and carrying a thick sack; the man, shorter, also dark-haired (having spurned the earlier offer of a hat for no clear reason, and now regretting it), drawing a long thin tube from inside his heavy coat. Their eyes averted from the now-shrieking and enraged angel, the woman readied the sack as the man loaded the blowpipe with a dart – red, with a thin furze of feather at one end – and, side-eyeing the angel, spat the dart into its shrivelled body. With a vibration of musculature through its frame, the angel fell still. Its head dangled downwards, a thin stream of bloody drool falling from its toothy orifice to spatter the motionless child below. They’d have no need to return the boy where they found him. But they had captured an angel. To them, a fair trade.

The Pictographic Entertainment

The Pictographic Entertainment

In each of the last twelve days a gentleman had come a-calling. On each day my brutish manservant had refused them entry, picked them up bodily and hurled them into the street. Many of their landings were poor, pitching headfirst into dubious street waste, paving slabs or iron railings. It’s the advantage of having an orangutan butler. Though he lacks the gift of speech (not, I assure you, through lack of effort on my part – the lazy beast just will not use the vocal cords I painstakingly grafted into his throat, donated by a luckless burglar), his great flat face and lanky arms are marvels of self-expression.

Why, you might well ask, would a marvellous yet spurned creator such as myself, Franklyn de Gashe be so violently turning away erudite fellows of the Society on daily basis. It has long been the policy of the Society to reject my scientific overtures, the remarkable discoveries that I have wrought both in the basement laboratories of my home and in my travels overseas, tracking down lost secrets and improbable beasts. Of late however, their tune has grown sweeter, cloying even, seeking to repair the gulf between us with a thickly poured tide of honey. Thus far I have placed my nose firmly in the air, and their buttocks firmly only the cold pavement. The cause of their obsequious visitations hangs beneath the chandelier of the hallway. It’s not the ideal place to display one’s fresh pride and joy, but the damned thing is intractable.

Some months ago, while perusing the cave paintings of ancient French wretches, my ever-curious eye was drawn to a near-obliterated section of art, almost entirely blackened, covered over by fitful slappings of ashen hands onto the rough granite. What my peers had taken for either the correction of an error or a misguided attempt to paint the sea, my keen senses cut through their confusion and laid a finger upon the truth. After ensuring no other scholars could enter the cave, I set about cleaning off the top layer of paint and ashes. Thankfully I’d brought my usual equipment, beginning with a gas mask and rubberised canvas suit, and the regular-sized vacuum flask of mushroom-infused absinthe. Removing the marks of paint and ash that has decorated a bare rock wall for countless millennia is a somewhat destructive process, and the sulphuric acid that I misted the wall with would take not only the paint, but the skin from one’s bones. Alas, when I sealed the cave with a minor rockfall to ensure my seclusion, I had neglected to check deeper within the cave itself. Only the screaming, when it finally penetrated the sound of my compressor out pumping the noxious fog, alerted me to my error. By then of course it was far too late. From the remnants of their garb and the lead fillings in their teeth, I deduced that they were likely American. Very sad. I shook the bones out of the tattered cloth and scattered them deeper in the cave where they’d be less noticeable.

I returned to my area of special interest, and sat to observe the acidic mist erasing the top layer of markings as I’d hoped. Now the walls were bare save for the spot that had been crudely scratched out by its makers. As I had half expected, the figures and depictions therein showed a hunt in progress. Yet rather than little arrow gentlemen tossing their spears at some rustic beast, instead this was clearly a beast hunting them. The artist had not been especially talented, but even their illiterate mitten had sketched out a fascinating creature, winged with talons half the length of its body and a head like an anvil trapped in a suitcase. A second set of pictographs showed a number of unrealistically skinny tribesmen stuffing the beast into a rude cage and enclosing it in a cavern. The reasons for its erasure were instantly clear to me: a beast that had mastered its human aggressors, having been once pursued by them, was now feared, imprisoned and to be forgotten. Even back then, humanity’s natural pride had checked its reason, causing this censorship and the loss of its knowledge for generations. I, Franklyn de Gashe, would uncover the truth. The lost daubings included a handy map, featuring landmarks that even now were apparent in the landscape, and the usual number of dire warnings and images of dead people.

I left the cave in a pristine state, having preserved the formerly unseen paintings via chemical means on my trusty photo-camera, and hurried off to make the discovery of a lifetime. Repacking my rubberised suit and mask into the saddle-bags of the rather attractive horse – Dominique – whom I’d leased for this adventure, I paused for a luncheon of devilled eggs, jellied pigs trotters, and a banana. I’d grown quite addicted to the curiously dry yet sticky yellow fruit and rather admired its priapic powers. Traveling on horseback is not the ideal time for such warm in the loins, yet it proved a comfortable distraction from the spinal jolts of surmounting the nearby hills.

The map was an adequate guide, though it led me through several more recent streams, a ghastly briar that quite bedevilled my steed and ultimately to a cliff-face shattered by rockfall. I surmised that the imprisoning cave’s opening must once have faced me, before this unfortunate tumbling of boulders. Thankfully, I never travel in Europe without a sufficient supply of dynamite and other less common explosives. I’ve a fine associate in the Americas who spent a great deal of time building the railways who was more than happy to share his secrets of demolition over a bottle of well-aged port and a largely-abandoned Shropshire village. After stuffing sticks of dynamite in an optimal pattern throughout the huge stones, I merrily skipped off in retreat, hauling Dominique behind me and lighting another opium cigarillo. The poor horse had been rather scratched by the briars and I rubbed a healing balm into her injuries while we awaited detonation.

We had little time to wait, as I’ve a habit of leaving fuses slightly too short, the better to enthuse the mind and keep one’s senses sharp and alert. We returned to an exploded valley.  A number of boulders had been entirely vaporised, others tossed quite out of the area. Most importantly, a black hole now loomed open. I lit another lantern and hurried within. In all my travels and adventures, I’ve yet to uncover a cave that seemed truly suitable for human habitation – even those that infest the rocks of the city of Nottingham are mostly vile and noxious places, though that may simply be the presence of the city’s natives – and this cave was no exception. Dark, dank with dripping water and fierce stalactites made it appear like the mouth of some beast itself. To hide a monster inside another monster was apt, and a little spooky. However, my scientific mind slapped down the quailing fool within myself and we delved into the depths. At the very deepest point my lantern-light glowed off the bars of the cage I’d perceived in the drawings. In fact, the artist’s hand was better than I’d thought, for this structure was a crude thing indeed and surely would have as much chance of holding any creature as a silk purse. Alas, the beast within was quite dead. A considerable disappointment, yet in retrospect expecting a creature to survive alone in the dark for uncounted thousands of years had been a mite optimistic. I poked through its skeletal remnants with my walking cane, admiring the curious skull and daggered wing bones. And there I made my discovery. The thing had been female, for beneath it lay a rough nest and within lay an egg. Thrilled beyond reckoning, I kicked the cage down and retrieved the egg. It was quite unlike the chicken-spawning shells with which one may be most familiar. This was a thick and leathery thing, pulsing with heat. I bundled it in my knapsack, along with the more impressive skull and bones of its parent, and returned to Dominique.

Some months later, I presented my discoveries to the Society, with an enlargement of the image I’d taken in the cave. I’d grown accustomed to the scoffing of my so-called peers, but on this occasion it turned ugly, for it seemed that the cave I’d cleaned had been quite popular among scholars and they had been careless enough not to record the other paintings for posterity. Unfortunate. However, when I detailed the hidden cavern, displayed the skeleton and explained how it had terrorised our ancestors, they were more properly impressed. And yet, Professor Occulant Hotch could not help but bray that many members of the Society had uncovered bones and fossils – they were two a penny and my discovery worth less than theirs. In angry retort I whipped the covering from another box I’d brought to the podium and revealed the recently hatched juvenile to the members. Their shock, surprise, and growing applause enraged the little thing however, and the box rattled violently the more they clapped. Before I could do anything, the dagger-wing (I thought it a good name) broke out of its container and assaulted the now-screaming crowd. Alas, it did fully remove the face of Professor Hotch before I could net the little monster and drag it away.  Once more the crowd turned to outrage mingled with (I could perceive) respect and admiration for my triumph. However, given the gruesome attack on Professor Hotch, I was to be barred once more from the society.

And so I returned home with my little dagger-wing. Since then, my status has only grown and word has spread of my discovery. Jealously, other members of the Society now petition me at my door for access to the marvellous little predatory monster. Thus far I have refused them, for despite their acclaim, I feel entitled to a little sulking. Also, I cannot get the damned thing to come down from its perch, and I fear it may swoop upon me when I sneak downstairs in the middle of the night for a snack. Such are the trials of a fearless adventurer and wizard of science.