The Tales

Ahoy and welcome to the pirate adventures of Captain Ignatius Pigheart and his valiant crew, as they battle sea beasts, other boats, drink and incompetence. Many of them are sadly fallen. These tales are not for the faint hearted or chickenish of complexion – within ’em yer very soul may teeter on the brink o’ madness. I should know, for I’ve lived through ’em with nary a soft spot unscarred. Nonetheless I’m an upbeat pirate, despite me lack of direction, oceanic-know-how and dismal crew o’ rejects.

No doubt ye’ll laugh at our endeavours. But next time ye face a titanic turtle or the stone-facin’ fear of a gorgon, or find ye surgeon’s round the twist, think ye of the crew of the Good Ship Lollipop and the Grim Bastard. ‘T’will bring ye some cheer at least.

“Gaargh, I were tossed off into the surf by me slippery serpentine steed.” – Captain Pigheart All Washed Up

“we’d been at sea some while and the lads were growin’ crazed as a hermit crab in an undersized shell. ” – The Bangin’ Choon Adventure

“me britches’re stained with the love juice of an impudent mermaid. ” – The Mermaid Adventure

“Hamish struggled in the crab’s squeezin’ till his eyes bulged and his sporran quivered – thank the gods for his deep-fried-flabbiness, it’d be awhile before findin’ bone  ” – The Crustacean Adventure

Click on ye pictures for types o’ tale, or have ye a frantic stabbing at the menu items above and around ye. Go on, stick a cutlass in it.

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