Captain Pigheart

Pulling Your Cosmic Trigger – Illuminati Showtime – Sat 17 May 2014

Posted on 13 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Coming Up This Saturday in Nottingham

MissImp are supporting this awesome event with a special Unspeakable Act! It’s going to be crazy good fun. I loved reading the Illuminatus trilogy when horribly wasted…

There’s a glorious convoluted history that connects KLF co-founder and former Julian Cope manager Bill Drummond with the maverick theatre director and monologist Ken Campbell. They connected during Ken’s epic production of the cult Illuminatus trilogy, in the process creating some of the most memorable theatre of its day.

Illuminatus itself was co-written by Robert Anton Wilson, who had no intention of spawning a bunch of conspiracy-fixated readers, but some didn’t get that the books were among other things a work of satire. And hence Wilson inadvertently created a fashion for Illuminati-spotting that’s caught up everyone from Dan Brown to Beyonce in its wake. Which is a shame, as there was so much more to his work: he knew everyone from Tim Leary to William Burroughs, and has been celebrated as an influence by Alan Moore and Coldcut.

We’ll be celebrating all this and more with Daisy Campbell, who is bringing Wilson’s autobiography Cosmic Trigger to the stage. Joining her will be John Higgs, whose book The KLF: Chaos, Magic, And The Band Who Burned A Million Pounds is a treat. Nottingham’s impro comedy stars MissImp will be performing, and Adrian Reynolds will be doing a talk touching on madness, magic, mesmerism and medicine. The event will be presented by Anna Reynolds, who will also present a modern day fairy tale.

Pulling Your Cosmic Trigger

Saturday 17 May, 5pm, £5
The Corner
8 Stoney Street
Nottingham
Profits will go to support Daisy’s forthcoming Kickstarter campaign.

*Note from the pen monkey who uploaded this article: It is LeftLion’s 6660th article. The number of the beast? A weird coincidence? Ah, who cares I’ve gorra tonne more to put up.

via Pulling Your Cosmic Trigger – Nottingham Culture – LeftLion.co.uk.

Amsterday Day One – Arrival

Posted on 14 May 201411 December 2022 By Captain Pigheart

Amsterdam: Day One

I am arrived! Amsterdam is as pleasant as I remember. What’s especially delighting is that I know no one here and have no demands, responsibilities or requirements on me whatsoever. It’s like a cool breeze… that might be an aftershave advert.

Of course I really nearly didn’t get here at all. My pre-planning is meticulous – it’s a good way to manage anxiety. I have an absurdly detailed list of things to pack and bring with me, including a tick list of the things that go into the pockets of my jacket. Seems insane, but is very helpful. So I’d been packing stuff into a box (pre-bag prep!) and by Tuesday morning I only had about three things left to sort – boarding pass, and the stuff that ends up on me (like my hat – yep, that’s on the list too). And then it all started to come apart…

I’d no intention of spending two hours at the airport prior to the flight, so I checked in online and planned to have an hour there before my flight. And then Skylink happened (not Skynet, though that seemed entirely credible yesterday). Or rather it didn’t. The bus runs from Mecca (bingo) straight to the airport, it’s incredibly convenient what with running every twenty minutes. Or forty-five minutes waiting in my case.

The Drugs Work, They Really Do

The amitriptyline I’ve recently started taking during the day were champions – even as the bus failed to arrive, cutting ever more savagely into the clock, I was aware that the freaking out and roiling anxiety were simply failing to blossom. Sure, I was concerned, but vastly more sanguine than I normally would be. When it finally arrived and Marilyn waved me off, I must confess a tendril of tension wrapped its thorny grip about my heart and stomach. But even then… Mainly I was cursing the interminable flow of senior citizens using the bus to get to and from the shops. Why this bus…? Why?!

Finally we arrived at the airport – at 12.19. My flight was at 13.00, the gate closes at 12.30 and finally at 12.45. I ran. First up, security. A winding queue of glazed meat people, thankfully moving quite fast. Through friendliness and desperation I got shunted into the express lane and dumped all my gear in the boxes. Then I got scanned. I’m not made of metal, I swear, but I got scanned all over and touched up by the nice gentleman. He asked after my moustache; I felt we were more than friends.

12.29: they lost my hat. My beautiful new corduroy hat. I guess I needed the time to put my boots back on and repack my rucksack. Even during this I was relatively calm – none of that anxious sweating horror. They found my hat: crushed flat by the cocking scanning machine. It is now more versatile. I took it and ran.

Miracles! The gate I needed was the first one – all I had to do was get through the baffling labyrinth of duty free shops clotting the route. Again, a number of mindless humans, their minds gorging on the prospect of goods fractionally less expensive (if not more) than in a supermarket. 12:39 – boarding in progress. I joined the queue and celebrated by eating crystallised ginger.

Ah it was a tiny plane, just 88 passengers. I got an aisle seat right at the back, next to a business-business sort of fellow who constantly wanted to get out and go to the loo. I spent the flight grinding crystallised ginger and scribbling in my writing book. It was a good flight, only the landing made me feel especially awful. Watching the clouds and boats below was quite cheering. After that we got through Arrivals quickly, though they don’t stamp passports anymore. Bastards.

Welcome to Amsterdam

Schiphol airport has a nice train station which confused me immediately, but I bumped into an entirely bonkers but lovely Dutch lady who was also confused but had the benefit of language to resolve our perplexity. In return I helped lug her enormous luggage filled with Italian wine on and off the train. We got on famously.

It’s a quick enough ride to Amsterdam Centraal Station. I’d spent too much time sitting down all day already, so I decided to walk to the apartment. It would help me get my bearings, provided I didn’t get completely lost on the way. I didn’t. Just barely, though it was further than I thought. The brilliant and unexpected sunshine and blue sky was an added bonus to a nice walk through the town and across three of the canals down to the apartment. I was maybe twenty minutes later than I thought I’d be, but I made it! All on my ownsome too.

The apartment is up three flights of steep stairs (which I’m enjoying bounding up and down enormously). I was greeted by one of the owners who showed me how to turn lights and the oven on and then left me to it. Very friendly. This place is lovely – kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and a large living room with a daybed. Exactly what I’m seeking for a few days of solitude and relaxation. Oh, and a balcony for staring at strangers and smoking.
Time to explore and then hit the opera!

Amsterdam Day One – Settling In

Posted on 15 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

In The Lap Of Luxury

So, my apartment is great, and not being in it makes me feel like I’m neglecting it somehow. Nonetheless, my first task (after removing the t-shirt entirely glued to me) was to exit the flat and begin some circulatory exploration. I know that I get anxious if I think I’m lost, so getting to know the area is vital for my sanity. I started just spiralling out from the road, Fokke Simonstraat, getting a feel for where the apartment is relative to the city around me. I’m not good with maps. Christ, I genuinely struggle with left and right, never mind NSWE and rotating a damned map. I’ve already been using the Tripadvisor Amsterdam app on my tablet and phone to mark up places of interest and start learning street and canal names again.

My other purpose in wandering, besides just how pleasant Amsterdam is to wander around, was to find a supermarket – a source of fridge beer and breakfast. I’m exactly the kind of traveller who brings his own teabags and preferred coffee with him. I am not sorry for that. Routine and familiarity enable my mind and heart to run in the tracks, not to judder out of them. This trip is all about getting back in the groove of myself. Hugely pretentious, yet important. I wandered a looong way off track, all the way up Utrechstraat by accident, which was really handy as I found places that I knew from last time we were here – Rembrandtplein, and even better had almost made it to Waterlooplein where I would need to be later.

I came across Marqt (on Utrechtstraat) which is a really cool, upmarket supermarket (like M&S with hipsters and a funky soundtrack). I found many beer, including the alcohol free Weistephanen (lovely), as well as awesome bread and cheese (note: must get more cheese). Then I spazzed out because my phone told me it was five to seven. The opera is at seven thirty. I quite quickly got back home and established that my phone had added an extra hour to the time. I continued breathing… I had proven I could find my way home under pressure = victory.

A Pact With The Devil

I’ve adored Faust since it was studied by the other class at A Level, and I played Marlowe’s bad doctor himself on stage. I got a beautiful copy of Charles Gounod’s opera of Faust in Oxford many years ago, with the programme and tickets from the 1920s inside. One of the first events I heard about when I began to look at this week in Amsterdam was Faust at the Nationale Opera & Ballet. It ain’t cheap, and I struggled with committing myself to it. That’s a complex mix of value and self-worth. I’m glad I got the ticket. I went for the best fourth class ticket available, which was 82.50 EU. That got me a seat just off the end of the 13th row – an almost perfect unimpeded view of stage – close enough to see every movement of their extraordinary throats.

My plan (as a fool) was to get there early and find somewhere to eat. I’m glad I was too disorganised to sort that out however, as once I’d picked my ticket and ambled upstairs to mingle with hundreds of far more smartly decked out audience members, and went to order a beer and some amazing flapjack I learned that the show started at seven, not half past. I reassured the bartender that I could deal with the beer in under a minute. Oo-rah. I took my seat, with no expectations whatsoever and it all began…

The stage is set with a vast plastic screen in the middle, with an airlock door at one end and a keyboard at the other. Across the top of the arch we are told this is the ‘Human Homunculus Project’ – the doctor of philosophy has been updated to master of genetics. Behind the screen we see strange organic columns being tended to by men in huge biohazard/environment suits. And it all begins…

I don’t think I can really capture the experience of my first opera. It was incredible. Never mind the singing – I was carried along by the (not brilliant) surtitles while the opera plays on in Italian (of course). The sounds emerging from these people’s throats is just extraordinary. I’d have been content to just listen to the throat music. Add to that an orchestra with two massive harps and everything else besides and it’s already an auditory treat. Not content with that, the set design is ingenious, the plastic wall is removed, replaced with red towers that throb with lust and darkness, columns of lights that switch from candlelight to prison cells, menace to romance as they rise and fall. It was astonishingly done.

The Devil Has All The Best Threads

The costumes were perhaps even weirder – Mephistopheles (the fucker) is immaculately dressed, even when stripped by his minions to a skeletal body stocking (looking amazing under the lights), which is matched by the tactical combat gear of the soldiers. The women, who are the focus of Faust’s ill-thought lusts, are either virgins or whores (natch). We first encounter the women in a bar, and they all have the most disturbing costumes which make them look like shop mannequins with their joins clearly showing. That was upsetting. It was made worse by the arrival of the wives and older ladies – with their absurdly enhanced breasts, like footballs up their jumpers.

I’m going to find the trailer for it – because trying to describe how it plays out is almost impossible. We were presented with endless disturbing scenarios and imagery. I found Marguerite (how the human body can produce such notes I have no idea) with her powder blue hair and hands unbearably affecting, especially when she drowns her baby.

There’s a fantastically upsetting moment when Mephistopheles offers to share his wine with the rest of the bar – he raises a pedestal to sing from, which is a tank of water with a naked woman in it. He taps the glass and blood blossoms through it. While the woman writhes in pain he draws off glasses for the crowd.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzFOIhDF__I&w=560&h=315]

It was remarkable. In Hell we get a feast and orgy whose depravity shames even Faust – it wasn’t much easier to watch from the audience. When they bring the babies out for eating and waving… Gosh. I’ve never seen anything like it before. It was one hell of a first night out! Afterwards the crowds empty the opera house fast.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KevQpTtwfs&w=560&h=315]

Half past ten – I still haven’t eaten, or spoken to my darling…

Amsterday Day One – The Night is Young

Posted on 16 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

It’s Not Over Till The Fat Lady Sings

Faust received an ecstatic ten minute standing ovation, which it was a privilege to take part in. I’m glad my hands can take it – it’s the closest to exercise my shoulders have had since knackering my right wrist. A huge cast – the opera, not my arm, and entirely deserving of applause. It was also nice to see the director and get some sense of the cast as a group of people wavering into bows and clearly pleased with themselves.

On leaving the opera, mind-blown and delighted with the visual and auditory feast, I took the opportunity to call my other half and bumble back towards my apartment. I did go slight awry, since I was talking and looking for a place to get some food. Indecision lead to me reaching home without actually having eaten. I recalled that I’d passed a bunch of cafes and restaurants down Spuistraat, which joins my street, so I went that way.

Shwarma was my only choice left… a vast pitta filled with spicy meat strips and salad. It wasn’t amazing but it certainly filled a hole and went down very well with the Dutch IPA I’d picked up earlier. That gave me a chance to Skype back to the UK, though we somehow bollixed the cameras and couldn’t properly see each other. Never mind!

It’s Cultural, Right?

Almost next to the kebab house I’d seen a closed shuttered building Mellow Yellow, naught but minutes from my place. It was only midnight… so it was time to go out again. I haven’t smoked weed for years, not properly like back in the olden days. I’ve sort of missed it, yet prize my ability to feel things and remember stuff more. But it’s Amsterdam man…

Apparently Mellow Yellow is one of the original coffeeshops (mind you, this seems to be a common claim, a bit like oldest pubs in Nottingham), although under different management now. I’d considered going to a whole bunch of cool coffeeshops, but faced with the opportunity, I find that I’d rather be quiet and relaxed at home, than in a bar full of smoke and gawping tourists.

The reggae labelled the place as neatly as anything could, though it’s clientele was a curious mix of locals and (presumably) tourists staying nearby. It’s quite a way out of the centre, so I doubt many would be seeking it out specifically. The guys were friendly and open to offering recommendations to someone who “wants to relax, but not get fucked”. Blueberry it is then.

I realise that one of the things I missed the most about casual cannabis use is the meditative joy of skinning up. I’ve always enjoyed it, and my fingers clearly remember the task. I found a nice seat overlooking the ground floor, where I could see the customers amble in and out as well as watch Mel Gibson’s Payback on the TV. Satisfyingly I caught it from about half way, which is where I stopped watching it in England a couple of weeks ago. With Kindle in one hand, and spliff in the other I was perfectly content.

I stayed just for that one, and took the rest of my gramme home. There followed more reading, of Steven Erikson’s third Malazan Book Of The Fallen – Memories of Ice, another spleef and alcohol free Weistephanen. I must be getting old… but it’s been a pretty good first evening in Amsterdam.

This Week, Monday 19 May 2014

Posted on 19 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Back In The (Robin) Hood

Ooosh, what a lovely week. Sure, Monday was kinda manic, and I won’t know until I return to work whether any of it actually paid off! However, it is only now that work is even returning to my mind. I spent most of last week in Amsterdam, a place famed for stripping the mind of thought while simultaneously offering diverse amusements, both frivolous and educational. It has been great.

I seemed to find a measure of peace and internal quiet just from continuously walking around the city. For a smallish city I’ve laid down a lot of shoe rubber. I think it’s done what I wanted, which was to empty my brain. It’s also been a useful time to get used to my new daytime medication regime. I’m still trying to write up the stuff I did while I was in Amsterdam, but for now I’ve only got Day One…

Busy First Day Back

Derbyshire Food & Drink Fair

I’d completely forgotten about the events on Saturday. I only realised I was going to be at Elvaston Castle when I read an email from Furthest From The Sea on Friday morning. I briefly panicked, then had some beer. It meant I’d have to get up at about 6.30 so that I could get a lift from Derby at 8. I’m glad I did! It was another gloriously sunny day, which meant I wanted to hide in the shade. We had an excellent day with lovely thousands of people to amuse and entertain. As ever, the gang had laid out a wide range of acts, from the combined Derby Rock Choir through to Gardina and the Derby Capoeira Group. It were a grand day out. And we were surrounded by food. I brought a bagful of beer home.

Pulling Your Cosmic Trigger

We’d been asked to join in for the Discordian chaos, so we did. We opened the show with an Unspeakable Act based on the most recent The Manchurian Candidate. We swiftly diverged from the original plot, as you would hope. It went down well, and it was lots of fun having tiny candy cigarettes with tiny chainsaws in them. That was followed up with a series of talks by Adrian Reynolds, Anna Reynolds, Daisy Campell and John Higgs, all representing different facets of Robert Anton Wilson‘s bonkers Illuminatus legacy. It was fun, thought provoking and a decidedly odd way to spend a Saturday night. The crowdfunding for Daisy’s play Cosmic Trigger kicks off on 23rd May. Find out more here: Cosmic Trigger

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 12 May 2014 – off to Amsterdam, plus a write up of the Brickish Weekend at the National Space Centre

Amsterdam Day One – Arrival – my solo adventure begins

Amsterdam Day One – Settling In – off to the opera!

Amsterday Day One – The Night is Young – night time in Amsterdam

Amsterdam Day Two – Out Wandering

Posted on 20 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Starting Slow

I slept really well, and woke to the street sounds then dozed off some more. I was surprised to find that it was only 10.30 when I finally got up. I’d acquired bread and cheese the day before so breakfast, plus tea and coffee made for a sane beginning to the day.

Gorgeous sunshine greeted me as I hopped back down the three flights of stairs. I’m going without headphones today – partly to be better at evading the streams of wheeled traffic and just to absorb the noise. I felt pretty good about my sense of direction and figured the easy way to begin the day would be something I already knew.

Here Pussy Pussy

The Cat Cabinet

Het Kattenkabinet is a damn sight easier to find from this end of town. I remember it being tricksy last time we were here. Today it’s just three canals and a bit left away. If you haven’t been here, and like cats then you probably should go. It’s a three storey canalside house entirely devoted to cat art. I have two motivations for being here, partly I do adore cats and second that there’s usually at least one real cat lounging about the place.

An astonishing range of artists have donated their work or seen it passed on to the cat house, including Picasso. Despite the great art I think I’m most drawn to the advertising posters and metal signs that litter the first floor landing. Much of the Kabinet is like this, artwork piled up the walls, narrowly obscuring the beautiful decoration of the house itself. They’ve added quite a lot since I was here last, despite the top floor not being open today. That’s okay – they’ve got a skinned cat up there and I don’t really want to see it anyway.

Amongst the sculptures and frequently odd paintings I finally found a beastie. This big delightful grey tabby was fast asleep and barely moved when I started stroking him. Turns out he likes atomic nug-nugs and we spent a few purring minutes before moving on. It’s a shame the Katten Kabinet doesn’t do a full catalogue of all the bizarre things they’ve acquired over the years. I snagged just a few postcards, as we already have the programme from a previous visit.

Before ambling out again I met the other pussy cat – rather older, a little skin and bones beastling with a throaty purr. It’s a quiet and peaceful haven from everything. I love the place. They’ve got a limited selection of their vast collection on their website, plus you can take a virtual tour and see some better pictures than I can take.

Shopping and um… Shopping

Not much buying though. I ventured up to Damrak, along the route I’m now familiar with, alternately turning off the main road and following the parallel side streets. The shops are of course, exactly the same as everywhere else, plus shops full of touristy clog keychains and crap that would embarrass even Blackpool. I found nothing that I wanted… other than a couple of useful things like a candle (to light even the darkest night).

I did stumble across The English Bookshop which is a very well stocked version of The Works, but very pleasant to poke around. My real destination was Damrak 66 – the site of the Gunther von Hagen’s Body Worlds exhibition.

Everybody Needs Somebody

Body Worlds: The Happiness Project

I suppose everyone’s familiar with the Gunther von Hagen‘s strange anatomical sculpture – except it’s not really sculpture since it’s all dead people. You aren’t allowed to take any photographs, so all I have is this lovely flying pig from the reception area. The title of this exhibition is Happiness. It’s six floors of body parts, sliced and peeled, presented with the aim of understanding human happiness. Mental. Yet beautiful. I’ve been interested in the functioning chunks of meat that make up the human body since finding Gray’s Anatomy on my Dad’s bookshelf when I was very young.

This exhibit takes you on a journey through the parts of the body – the nervous system, the organs, the vascular system, musculature, reproduction and sex. Oddly the plastination process (all the ‘models’ are referred to as ‘plastinates’ rather than people – I guess they aren’t really people any more) makes everything look completely fake. It is both deeply moving and disorienting. I loved the bodies and limbs stripped down just to a webwork of veins. They even have a whole duck pared back to the veins and arteries, presumably just because it looks cool.

The first human we see is a gentleman whose head has been cut in half and opened like a book, so you can see his calm, peaceful expression and fine blonde eyebrows before peering directly into his brain and mouth. I kept expecting him to open his eyes or smile. None of the other plastinates were quite as affecting, though several were much more disturbing – the lady leaping out of a rock, leaving behind her hair and skin for example.

Endless upbeat positive messages appear around the gallery, exhorting us to enjoy what we have, to strive for interpersonal relationships and to do what makes us happy. It is undoubtedly uplifting, even when being shown the spread of lung cancer and the stages of embryo development from one to twenty four weeks. It’s especially strange to be looking at the plastinated foetuses, including one nestled in its mother’s womb and realise that I’m looking at a series of dead babies in jars.

I completely agree with the materialist sensibilities though – we are our bodies, our feelings and pains are entirely physical whether located in our brains or our past. Failing to grasp the essential nature of ourselves – as a complex machine made of meat leads to the horrors and inanaties of religion and new age cod-philosophy. Our bodies wear out, or we break them, and we die. Looking at dead people makes you feel more alive. I think.

It’s not an enormous exhibition, but there is so much to read and absorb that I spent an hour and a half in there. For a while I was following Bill Bailey about (he’s got a show in Amsterdam this week), and was avoiding some noisy Americans. It’s nice to find that people don’t assume I speak English (which I do, but poorly) and that’s invaluable for avoidance of humanity. It’s possible I haven’t learned anything from this exhibition!

I only bought a copy of Von Hagen’s Animals Gallery, since I’d seen enough of men stripped back to the muscles in their cheeks, but retaining their eyebrows (a bizarre and hilarious affectation).

A great start to the day… now for drinking.

Amsterdam Day Two – Drinking

Posted on 23 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

What To Do After Inspecting Dissected Humans?

After looking at the human body spread for inspection I wandered around, trying to find a specific pub. Still in my head was the disturbing (yet uplifting) imagery of Body Worlds. I found some toy shops to pootle around, but found Lego to be maybe 15% more expensive than back home. Disappointing, but good – I don’t have space for Lego in my luggage.

Pubs Glorious Pubs

In De Wildeman is one of those pubs reputed to have hundreds of beers available. It’s a mindblowing hoptophile experience. It’s only tiny as well. The sheer choice nearly gave me brain disease. Eventually I narrowed my focus to the chalkboards and was able to make some decisions. First up the remarkable Schneider Porter-Weisse which is a chocolate malt dream. It’s a nice pub to sit quietly in a corner and scribble a few illegible postcards. For a second drink, bearing it mind that it was now about 4.30 and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast I had a half of Hoptimist which was light and snappy on the tongue. To assuage my stomach (I am terrible at remembering to eat when I’m on holiday) I had a dinky little Guinness and steak pie which certainly filled a void.

I’ve been deliberating whether to get utterly fucked up while in Amsterdam, and although it is tempting I’ve concluded that I just don’t want to. That’s vaguely disappointing – surely what I want most is to get gruesomely hammered and blunder around foreign streets giggling at the barbar jabber of the natives. Apparently not. My intent this week is to do what I want to do, and I’m learning that this is harder to do than I expected. What I really want is to sit in absolute quiet with a beer and enjoy my book. Either I am 70 or somehow broken.

I Must Eat

Heading back home I had every intention of stopping in at a restaurant and reading over a meal. But looking in, every restaurant had a coterie of stereotypical tourists and I felt I wanted no part of it. I’d passed a Chinese takeaway on the way through and idly looked it up while in In De Wildeman’s. Turns out Shanghai Noodle gets some pretty good ratings. It’s a tiny place, with narrow cramped tables… and take away service. I ordered black bean beef and assorted dim sum. And then waited. And waited. That’s almost complaining, which is unjust as I had no haste whatsoever in my mind.

While waiting (but not waiting) I was accosted by a lady who spotted my “MissImp Improvised Comedy” badge and asked if I was a comedian. I get asked this occasionally and have not yet perfected my answer, but I gave what’s closest to my heart – “only by accident and on occasion”. She is also a comedian, of an improvised background and next time I’m here I can probably get a gig. That was nice. I also enjoyed making faces at the young girl who was there with her mum.

The order came, and with it two free cans of Heineken! Apparently I had been waiting too long. I did not care. On the way back to my apartment I was stopped by (I think) the tenth person who has asked me for directions. Rarely, I was able to give them. I feel (briefly) like I live here.

The food is exceptional, even from plastic boxes, and goes down very well with Weistephaner Dunkel. That pretty much sets the course for my evening, which is to be dominated by a lengthy bath (plus beer and book), more smoking on the balcony, a spot of the Highlander TV series and a relatively early night.

WHERE IS THIS Week, Monday 26 May 2014 ?

Posted on 29 May 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Gaaah! Time Is Running Backwards

I think is. It appears to be Wednesday night yet I’m sure I just got back from Amsterdam the other day… but no. I’ve been back for gosh, nearly two weeks and so far I’ve managed to document up to the end of day two. I am a baaaad blogger. I sincerely apologise. In the meantime, many things have occurred.

There is a galactic-scale metric fuck-tonne of work to sort out. Without giving too many details (because I shouldn’t) we’re right in the middle of severing a public sector organisation into public and private organisations. I’m in the IT side of it and well, it’s going catastrophically. We’re being deluged daily with new, late, contradictory, implausible, insane and incorrect information – all at a rate too great to get our own heads around, let alone adequately convey its meaning to users. Nonetheless it’s going ahead, out of our control entirely despite endless protests, argument and risk. Ho hum. It’s migration week, so that’s why I’m a bit out of touch. Right now (9.30pm) I’m logged into all of my computers!

But these things are not interesting – they are the day meat that enables me to feed and live in the evening and weekend.

Scotland – There And Back Again

This is deserving of far more time and detail, but for my sanity (see above) I’ll just give ye a wee snippet. Last weekend I travelled up to Scotland with my mum, step-dad, brother and sister. We went to scatter my uncle Colin Barnfather’s ashes in the area he died in a walking accident last September. It’s a remote place called Stob a Ohbain in the area of Kinloch Hourn. It’s an utterly beautiful area, and difficult to get to (I’m struggling to get Google maps to show me the right place – a later post will have the coordinates and stuff). We scattered his ashes near to where his body was found, and where the helicopter and POLSAR team communications van implausibly parked.

We had a lovely time, and though it might seem rather odd to return Col’s ashes to the place he died it makes a kind of sense for us. The journey was as much about seeing where and why he went there to begin with.

It was an epic drive from Nottingham to Inverness on day one, then a trip about Scotland via Fort William, Glasgow and Gretna Green before finally heading home. I don’t like being in cars. On the plus side we listened to almost all of the BBC Radio dramatisation of Lord of The Rings – very fitting for the extraordinary countryside we were in.

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 19 May 2014 – shows, fun stuff and coming home

Amsterdam Day Two – Out Wandering – the delights of Body Worlds and the Kattenkabinet!

Amsterdam Day Two – Drinking – drinks and more in Amsterdam

Events and Excitement

Friday 30th May 2014

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/628045610600868/

Thursday 12th June 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage and have a go at improv games and scenes for the first time, or the fiftieth!

The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

Bring Your Own Drinks

https://www.facebook.com/events/1459745164244659/

Wednesday 18th June 2014

Interrobang – Spontaneous Comedy Theatre

The only show of its kind in Derby, Interrobang features an improvised comedy jam in which everyone can take part followed by a showcase of the best improv in the region. Proudly presented by Furthest From The Sea and Derby Live.

The Bookcafe
Cathedral Quarter
Derby DE1 2PL
7.30pm – £5

https://www.facebook.com/events/733785553331976/

This Week, Monday 2 June 2014

Posted on 2 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

The Sun, Oh God The Sun

The sun has come out again. I feared that returning from Scotland had plunged us into a time of gloom and greying clouds. It is no longer so. I should have guessed that going to work on a Sunday would be sufficient to wake the solar bleeder up.

So yeah, I tootled into work to undertake as many tasks as we could to mitigate the disaster that the next week will be. As I said before, I can’t say who I work for because people are evil. Suffice to say though that as the data migration lead I am underwhelmed by the work and effort of the national team who have repeatedly failed everyone at pretty much every stage. Still, there could be no showstoppers regardless of their seriousness, so today we were attempting to reduce the chaos that users will face on Monday, and consequently the chaos we ourselves shall be wrapped in.

Despite the coming horrors, I’m hopeful that work will quieten for a little while now and allow me to get back into my actual life. It’s been weeks of skipping improv, doing no writing and letting my sad Lego bricks go un-schinkled. The shiny bright sunshine seems like it agrees.

Last night was a pretty cool house party / birthwarming for a good friend. Nice people, silly quizzes and being dressed up by the host. Oddgood.

Reading

Since I haven’t really been going out, just coming home and logging onto my work laptop instead I ain’t done much.

Memories Of Ice by Steven Erikson

However, I have finished the third volume of Steven Erikson’s mighty Malazan Book Of The Fallen, Memories of Ice. It’s insanely involving and harrowing watching the rise and fall of so many excellent characters. The events contained in just this book already outstrip the content of many epic fantasy series’. I am surprised to be almost moved to tears by the heroic and devastatingly unjust deaths and the deepening of the mythos and history. It feels as if the greater plot is starting to make itself known.

The Alchemist by Paolo Bacigalupi

I’m a bit behind with the current new wave of thrilling fantasy and steampunk authors, but I’ve been staring at this chap’s book The Windup Girl in Waterstones for ages. I’d just finished the book above and spotted a short story / novella (I can never remember the difference) for a quid-fifty on Amazon and thought it a good way to cleanse my fantastical palate and check him out. This a delightful short story about magic, alchemy (surprise!) and greed. It’s only 96 pages so it’s a swift flyby read. It’s good! Kindle link here.

Improv

Contributing to my lack of free time are the fun things I do manage to do! I skipped the jam and lay on the sofa drinking beer instead – it was a good choice for peace. We had a show at The Glee Club on Friday with a distressingly low turnout. Possibly some combination of weather and half-term. Maybe. Didn’t matter to us though, we had a fine and foolish time for ourselves. I particularly enjoyed Should Have Sung with Parky and Shakespeare with Marilyn.

I’m also still seeing my one-to-one client. What we’ve been doing has mutated from the straight improvisation we started with. This last week we’ve been working on finding inspiration and ‘forcing’ creativity. I’ve been explaining how some of the improv games and exercises that I’ve used for writing can be used to stimulate and trick our minds into producing something new and interesting. It’s very stimulating for me as well!

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

WHERE IS THIS Week, Monday 26 May 2014 ? – out of touch and out of time

Events and Excitement

Thursday 12th June 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage and have a go at improv games and scenes for the first time, or the fiftieth!

The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

Bring Your Own Drinks

https://www.facebook.com/events/1459745164244659/

Wednesday 18th June 2014

Interrobang – Spontaneous Comedy Theatre

The Bookcafe
Cathedral Quarter
Derby DE1 2PL
7.30pm – £5

https://www.facebook.com/events/733785553331976/

Things That (Almost) Bring Me To Tears: Let It Go

Posted on 4 June 201411 December 2022 By Captain Pigheart

Let It Go

I loved Disney’s Frozen at the cinema – there were so many uplifting moments, and (apart from the film makers’ weird decision to kill the main characters parents so that we can like them more) it completely delighted me. The big song Let It Go prickled all the hairs up on my neck and arms. I’m not sure that it’s a particularly brilliant song in its own right purely because I can get all messed up over very sentimental moments in films – usually the ones where a parent loses a child, and even though I know I’m being cruelly manipulated by the film it still gets me. Even more effective is anything bad or wonderful happening to a pet. Man, I’ll be choked.

I’m not deeply connected to music – I enjoy music, mainly as a background to showering, cycling and working. There are pieces of music that do stab me right through the heart. During counselling I always used the superb Portishead album Dummy to get my head into being ready to go and slash and burn my feelings, and to consider them afterwards. I find their sound deeply beautiful. There’s a tortured quality to Beth Gibbons’ vocals and the trip-hop and every part of every track burrows into my soul and shakes the detritus it finds. I suppose it sounds like I feel. There’s also Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata which, when it’s not also reminding me of Earthworm Jim, gets to poke me in the eye.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgrCL7ytEpM?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

You Play Me Like A Tambourine

It’s a strange sensation being affected by music. I realise many people are much more deeply affected, and more subtly and by a greater range of music. I still find it surprising. I find it disturbing actually. Maybe that’s because I don’t cry. I’ve got to be really really pushed to get tears out. Even during most of my counselling I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry at my uncle’s funeral, nor have I at any time since he went missing. That should be odd I think. It’s not for want of feeling sad. I suppose what I’m wondering is “what does crying mean?” In a sort of related way, I read recently that cats only miaow at humans; they don’t miaow at each other. So are tears a way of telling other people that we’re upset..? But then people wouldn’t cry on their own. Unless they wanted to.

Alright, the actual question is “why don’t I cry?” Now it’s probably not because I’m really hard and manly. Those things are patently absurd. I can’t credit the idea that it’s because I’m not sad some of the time, or depressed enough to cry. Have I erected some barrier in my tear ducts? Or is there still a part of me that is broken, manifesting as a dishonesty between my mind and body? Perhaps it’s something I can’t know. It’s easy to think that I understand what I think or feel. In fact, I think I know what I think and feel. I’ve found repeatedly that this is just guesswork, and that there’s none of the cliched ring of truth to an idea. Sure, an idea is more plausible and more credible than another, but having found that I’ve completely crushed down memories and feelings effectively in the past… it makes me more than a little suspicious about my own ability to figure out why, or even what I’m feeling.

Music Takes Me Over

Maybe this is the heart of it – I’m stuck mediating between myself and myself. Music, or some specific aspects of a song or track get to slice straight through all that meta-mumbling. That would explain why I’ve been playing Let It Go on repeat, attempting to sing along but getting so utterly choked up that I can’t even manage that simplest of activities. No tears though, just a vast rushing sensation that shakes my organs. What. The. Fuck.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEKLFS-aKcw?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

The lovely poster above is by an artist named Risa. It’s delightful design and she’s got a tonne of stuff, some of it for sale: http://risarodil.com/

Amsterdam Day Three – Perambulation

Posted on 5 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Wait, It’s Morning

Out of town on my own, I thought I’d lie in and have a very lazy stumbling time of the morning. To my surprise I was up at about ten. That does not qualify as a proper lie in; it’s still morning. I shook off my horror at being awake and basically functional, but was still in no hurry to achieve anything.

On my last whole day in Amsterdam I finally got my head straight – I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, however little I want, if I want. It’s not just my expectations about what others might expect me to do. I’ve got my own inner fool telling me I ought to do things, make the most of my time by filling every ticking second with activity (I’ve spared you the Caps Lock). I guess it’s fuelled by every cultural concept – laziness is bad, doing nothing is bad. I like doing little, or even just small things. I undertake several activities at once just because some part of my mind demands it. Time to amble. Time to wander.

So wander I did. Around my apartment. The incredible bread and cheese I’d acquired from Marqt, which I regret not photographing (despite finding pictures of food dull I have taken several…) made for a splendid breakfast once more. I also decided to crumble a huge bud of Blueberry into my brewing coffee. It’s possible that had an additional effect. I laid my plans as gently as my barefoot padding about the living room. With only a day and a bit left I knew I was going to have to ditch things. I’d already abandoned getting fucked up in coffeeshops, so that left places of genuine interest. There was no way I’d get to the Anne Frank House at a reasonable time, plus I only really want to go there if there’s a ghost train or similar interactive ride.

Should Have Used Breadcrumbs

I eyed my Tripadvisor app, and the brilliant sunshine outside. Time for a proper explore (strictly limited by map and legs). On my vague list of interesting things was the Maritime Museum. I’ve been to several and rather enjoy the strange exhibitions and replica ships you often find. Het Scheepvaartmusuem held similar promise. But it is a bit of a walk out of town, or at least the bit I now considered my home turf. Even further out of the centre, to the east, up Mauritskade is a pub called De Gooier – it’s a windmill with a pub and brewery inside. Perfect. It seemed like the ideal place to go to before looking at boaty things.

Predictably I got lost. Fokke Simonstraat (where I was staying) is a really straightforward place to get directly to the De Gooier from. There is a tricksy bit where the road at the end of the street doesn’t take you to the same place as the next parallel road. I’ve don’t quite know where I went wrong, but I cheerily bumbled somewhere around the Plantage district before figuring out where I was. In part that’s because the otherwise incredibly useful Tripadvisor Amsterdam app won’t let you enter street names or postcodes. I guess that’s because it’s an offline map. So I had to look for shops or hotels that I thought might be on it to orient myself. I’m not great at maps or directions anyway – they just wash over me and I blithely head in the opposite direction.

I saw a lot of bridges, which is one of the reasons I knew I was lost – I’d taken note of how many I should cross, and promptly lost count. Too much gazing about at the general prettiness of Amsterdam. It’s a verdant city, in which they’ve crammed as many forms of transport as possible. I never did get used to looking right when I crossed roads. I did find lots of university buildings and blocks of apartment flats. They appear to be doing as much work on building or renovating tram routes as they’re currently doing at home. It all contributes to a happy sense of familiarity. Eventually I crossed an awesome bridge and arrived at the windmill before it opened. Damn.

De Gooier

What a great place – it’s an original 18th century windmill, one of very few left. Plus it’s a windmill, so I immediately think of the scene in Sleepy Hollow and Grotbags from The Pink Windmill. Thankfully there’s no sign of an emu or a weird green duck in a nappy in sight. Once we were allowed inside (lots of grumpy tourists who didn’t want to sit gently in the sun) I found a spacious tiled bar (not dissimilar to our kitchen) with pumps and pumps of lovely beer. Even better (for me) it was nice and cold inside and all the other patrons were outside. I seized an antisocial cool spot by a window. I realised that one of the activities I love most in the whole wide world is sitting and reading a book. Doing so in nice cool windmill pub is perfect. Had I not had vague plans I would have stayed until closing.

It wasn’t until after I’d had a half of a lovely wheat beer that I noticed they do a similar drinks platter to the three 1/3 pint glasses you get during beer festivals. Here they do it with five 20cl glasses. The beer is supplied by the exquisite Brouwerij’t Ij. The beers are truly excellent and I enjoyed each and every one (from left to right). I also got some fine grillwurst – a fat spicy sausage (served with a fork and chutney), since I’d been walking for a while in the sun and am terrible at remembering to eat when I’m away. The people are very friendly (two of the barely dozen people I spoke to in the whole trip) and enthusiastic about their drinks. The beers made me read more. I think I got through the beer by about half past three.

De Gooier - many beer — That’s Plzen, Natte, Zatte, Ijwit and Columbus beers left to right.

Once I’d finished admiring the bottles ringing the room and prevented other tourists from sampling the beers for long enough (they only have five sets of the little glasses) I somewhat tipsily tumbled out of the place.

Concentrating hard on my map told me that the maritime museum was slightly north and back towards town, in an almost completely straight line. Bonus.

Furthest From The Sea Festival 21 June 2014

Posted on 7 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVU6N_nrFcQ?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

I can’t believe it’s come around so fast! Derby’s best festival is completely free! I’m looking forwards to being there and soaking up an astonishing assortment of live music, comedy, arts and anything else you can think of. I’m running an improv workshop during the day too, and will undoubtedly manage to sneak onto at least one stage… It’s going to be brilliant. Come along! You might also notice familiar voices on the promo videos (should you know me and my other half by sound). Last year‘s was massive, this year’s is ten times as massive.

In the run up to the festival, we’re finally bringing improv comedy to Derby with Interrobang – Spontaneous Theatre:

Wednesday 18th June 2014

Interrobang – Spontaneous Comedy Theatre

The Bookcafe
Cathedral Quarter
Derby DE1 2PL
7.30pm – £3

https://www.facebook.com/events/733785553331976/

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1JJAyyaTmw?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

The Furthest From the Sea festival in Derby is a day of free entertainment and activities for all ages! Taking place between 11am – 4pm in the City’s Cathedral Quarter on the 21st June, come along and enjoy live music, poetry, theatre, arts & crafts and more.

Featuring four dedicated music stages showcasing well known and emerging local bands and choirs, professional & community-lead theatre, dance troupes, a packed-out stand-up comedy stage, a vintage photography trail in conjunction with W.W Winters, exclusive handmade arts and crafts stalls and creative workshops. Suitable for all the family, with add on events including Derby comedy festival performances from Sinfonia VIVA, Derby Sketching Club’s annual exhibition and, not least, a charity firewalk organised and run by PACE Derby.

With support from Derby LIVE, Cathedral Quarter Derby and Derby City Council.

info@furthestfromthesea.co.uk

http://www.furthestfromthesea.co.uk/

Join the Facebook event!

Check out the insanely endless list of performers for the day:

CENTRAL PERFORMANCE AREA – at the Market Square – Compered by Andy Potter

Rock & Pop Choir
David Chabeaux
Sing for your Supper Choir
Hoverla Ukranian Dance
Mehira’s Jewels / Solar School of Samba / The Flying Studio
The Open Road
Arabesque Dance Academy
Karl & The Marx Brothers
Derby Vocal Academy – group performances from our talented students.
Lucille

ROOTS STAGE – outside Derby Live

Ben Quintin
Joe Barber
Jamie Beau
Midge Harding
Carl North
Gardinia
Leere
Ryan Thomas
Hugh Stewart
Jason Barker

BOOKCAFE ACOUSTIC NIGHTS STAGE

Dred Roberts
Amy & Lily
Kai Swarvet
Emma Bladon Jones
James Hatley and the Whalers
Georgia Fowler
Ben Farmer
Tom Ash
Ben Haynes
Stuart Marno
Henry Sharpe
Finn & Olivia
Rachal Delooze
Hannah Howe
Lucy Milford

BAND STAGE – Blacksmith’s Yard on Sadler Gate

Danny & The Martians
Further Than Forever
Soapbox Preacher
Allenton Hippo
The Sons
Bud
Great Scott
The Feathers
Backyard Bohemians

KNICKERBOCKER GLORIOUS – variety event at the Waterfall:

Emily White
Josh Kemp
Groove 66
Cordao De Ouro Derby
Leah Sinead
Harriet
Rob Stutchburry
The Phil Langran Band
Alice Macy
Lisa de Ville
Scribble Victory
Lawrence Penn
Mehira’s Jewels
Faye Lartey
Luke Whitmore

STANDING JOKE COMEDY STAGE – the Old Bell Ballroom – Compered by Tony Bigissue Peppiatt

Marshall B Anderson
Jo D’Arcy
Patrick Draper
Ben Clark
Bruce Edhouse
Ben Ennis
Ben Clark
Theresa Farlowe
James Hately
Jay Islaam
Francis Jenking
Ishi Khan-Jackson
Matt Kinson
Lu Lo
Rhos C Lumis
Leanne McKie
Lyra May
Dan Nicholas
Andy Nightingale
Paul Nightingale
Thomas Rackham
Dwayne Reads
James Wallace
Joe Ross Williams
Richard Young

THEATRE stage at Guildhall Club Rooms

Life Theatre Limited
Belper SOSNHS
Borderline Arts
ASTARA and more!

CATHEDRAL QUARTER ARTS & CRAFTS FAYRE – Guildhall Arches and Market Place – 10:00am

Beautiful handcraftes and designed jewellery, homewares, toys, art and more….

ARTS & CRAFTS WORKSHOPS – Derby Market Place – 10:00am

Crafty Top Hats – drop in anytime
Whiffle Pig – seamonsters and nautical accessories
Empowerment Dolls
Landscape Oil Painting
PERCUSSIVE GUITAR WORKSHOP – Derby Market Place with Jamie Beau
30 minute slots throughout the day.
IMPROV COMEDY WORKSHOP – Derby Market Place with MissImp, Nottingham – 1pm-2:30pm

Vintage Photography Trail with W.W.Winters

BenBrown Hair
Foulds
Police Station
Quad Cafe
Bookcafe
Filthy Rich
Scenta Flora
No.53
BPM Records
Design@44
Galactic Models
Ink and Thread

Sinfonia Viva Presents: Sounds like fun!

£7.50 or £6.27 if purchased online.

As part of Derby Comedy Festival produced by Derby Live, Sinfonia Viva – with the incomparable Alasdair Malloy leading proceedings – presents a concert of chuckling classics and merry melodies for 6-11yr olds to enjoy.

11:30am and 2pm, and will run for about an hour.

1623 Trainee Actors

In the Gardens behind QUAD

Join the trainee actors of Derby’s very own 1623 theatre company as they present a unique collection of snippets from Shakespeare’s plays. This talented group of young people have worked with 1623 over the last ten months to learn and develop performance skills including voice, puppetry and singing. Come along to see the Bard’s newest recruits at the gardens behind QUAD.

Derby Sketching Cub

Guildhall Theatre Lobby
10am-4:30pm.
David Walton judging from the Birmingham Society of Artists. Some cards, prints and paintings for sale.

This Week, Monday 9 June 2014

Posted on 11 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Week One Is Over

A sense of relief. As promised, last weekend’s insane ICT migration completed with a paucity of useful information and no assurance of success. Thus does government IT stumble forwards. Naturally chaos ensued. It’s even more worrying that we managed much better than most areas because of all the extra pre-planning and mitigation work I devised before the cutover weekend. Even more fun – that work is invisible to our users; you can’t see the problems we evaded. They’ve been left with plenty we could nothing about for days. Total incompetence and bland complacent indifference characterise the managers at the top of the stupid tree. A week later and it’s starting to get under control.

Ow Fucking Ow

Also, last week my bicycle tried to kill me. I’ve finally faced up to the challenge of mastering the bike I inherited from Colin. It’s a nice light road bike and is the complete opposite in weight, feel and gears to my previous bike. I’ve finally figured out how to work the bloody gears (sure, I could have looked it up but where would the fun be in that?) and I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing.

Then I clipped a kerb with the edge of my left pedal going round a corner. They’re slightly, ever so slightly wider than I’m used to. Ker-plang! I’m spacked down in the road again. Lots of ouch. I didn’t realise until I got to work that I’d gouged bite marks out of my calf with the gear wheel. I thought I’d just horribly smashed my ankle. Twenty minutes with my foot in a sink of cold water and some bandaging and I was fine.

Now the bastard thing’s got a massive puncture and I’m struggling to get the right inner tube. So, if you ever see someone toss a bottle into the road – do me a favour and punch the twat.

Onwards

I’ve been working much more than I really want to, but that should also come under control again. I’ve skipped lots of improv and other evenings out and I think I’m at risk of sliding into an antisocial pit. So – we need an explosion of scribbling and Legoing. Awesomely I’ve now saved up enough to get Metalbeard’s Seacow! Hurrah, another trip to the Lego Shop beckons…

One day I will finish cataloguing what I did in Amsterdam…

Plus, this week has the eternal joy of Gorilla Burger and next week we finally bring improv to Derby with Interrobang followed by the Furthest From The Sea Festival! Huzzah!

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 2 June 2014 – I can’t lie, this is mostly moaning about work, but also three great books

Things That (Almost) Bring Me To Tears: Let It Go – sometimes I am sad-faced

Amsterdam Day Three – Perambulation – a wandering day to an excellent pub in a windmill

Furthest From The Sea Festival 21 June 2014 – good grief but I’m looking forwards to this!

Books

I’ve been reading, of course, it’s like breathing!

Bleeding Violet by Dia Reeves

A very, very dark story of mental health, fantasy, horror and magic. Constantly surprising and refreshing in its honesty and madness. I loved it. I really don’t want to give anything about it away so I’m stuck with saying no more…

Arslan, by M.J. Engh

I picked this up partly because it’s out in the SF Masterworks range, despite being only four years old – good going! It seems well written and conceived, being the overthrow of civilisation (well, the US at least) by General Arslan, a violent Muslim soldier determined to save the world by destroying it.

I just couldn’t get past the parts about the young man and woman who are taken from the local school by Arslan and raped repeatedly, “first the rape and then the wooing”. I don’t know if the characterisation of the self-professed Muslim Arslan and his views get dealt with in the book, but I’m afraid I can’t read any more of it. Maybe I’ll pick it up again in the future.

Dracula The Un-Dead by Dacre Stoker & Ian Holt

I’ve had this rather pretty book on my shelf for a little while. It’s the “official” sequel to Bram Stoker’s excellent Gothic horror (Dacre is his great grand-nephew). It’s quite fun, written in the third person rather than the letters of the original, but captures the style well. It features young Quincey Harker, Mina and Jonathan’s son fighting the possible return of Dracula.

It’s kind of revisionist, painting Dracula as a hero versus Elizabeth Bathory. I think it’s slightly confused about itself, and does feature the awful self-indulgence of having Bram Stoker as the author of Dracula in the story (for no especially good reason). It’s enjoyable though – they’re finally getting on with the chase now.

Events and Excitement

Thursday 12th June 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage and have a go at improv games and scenes for the first time, or the fiftieth!

The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

Bring Your Own Drinks

https://www.facebook.com/events/1459745164244659/

Wednesday 18th June 2014

Interrobang – Spontaneous Comedy Theatre

The Bookcafe
Cathedral Quarter
Derby DE1 2PL
7.30pm – £5

https://www.facebook.com/events/733785553331976/

Saturday 21st June 2014

The Furthest From The Sea Festival

A whole day of free music, theatre, comedy, workshops and craft fairs! An awesome celebration across a dozen stages and venues of everything brilliant in the arts.

From the Market Place to The Bookcafe
Derby City Centre
10am – 5pm FREE

https://www.facebook.com/events/477712822305955/

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVU6N_nrFcQ?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

Lego Blog: CrazyBricks Skulltron

Posted on 13 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Custom Lego Awesome

I got my skulls in the post a couple of weeks ago. Cruelly I’ve been too busy to take proper pleasure in ’em. It’s another Kickstarter reward from CrazyBricks / V&A Steamworks, the man (I mean the MAN Guy Himber). Pigs vs Cows was the first project I backed on Kickstarter and the outcome was so cool I cheerfully gave him money on day one of Skulls. The new project is Munchkin bricks, which funded on day one and is now charging through stretch goals like a crazed AFOL in a jumble sale.

I’ve really enjoyed feeling like I’m part of a project and have contributed to something small, intricate and obscure. Admittedly I haven’t gotten around to doing much with the output but I am a terrible hoarder and gatherer of things. Having these delightful items in a box is still satisfying for me. I don’t even know what the Munchkin card game is but the tiny Lego scale helmets, books and Cthulhu are splendid. If you feel like getting some extraordinary limited edition Lego stuff, you should back away.

No, wait – back it.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/crazybricks/munchkin-bricks-accessories-for-your-miniature-fig

Skulltron

The reward I got was a set of white and a set of transparent skulls – two sizes of whole skull, skulls with a stud for hat wearing skeletons, a dinky skull (without jaw), plus a white and transparent surprise V For Vendetta mask! And two mini crates covered in skulls. And a sticker!

Blacktron is fondly remembered from the Classic Lego Space era and I’ve still got the sets. Skulltron seemed the obvious conclusion. It’s taken me a little while to find some black dwarf/child/Hobbit legs (thank you Mirkwood Spiders) and the kiddie Blacktron is the pleasantly disturbing result. They’re a family!

I’m keen to do some spacey stuff now. Despite spaceships being my favourite thing to build as a child it’s taken the inspiration of the Lego Space book (and these skulls) to get me excited about space again. I have plans. Evil cackle.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/eric_the_bewildered_weasel/sets/72157645076997916/

This Week, Monday 16th June 2014

Posted on 16 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Hoo HA.

Another busy week at work and stuff, but I did get round to taking some pictures of the ever so cool Lego Skulls by CrazyBricks. That was satisfying. Unfortunately my other half got slapped to the ground by a dose of gastric flu on Tuesday and is still recovering. Seems like some nasty stuff. It was especially a shame since we’d finally managed to return to Fisticuffs for early week improv funtime. We were screwing around with longer Shakespearean styled scenes, with a predictable amount of hilarity and chaos – it was very good fun.

Last Thursday brought round the joys of Gorilla Burger once more and ushered in another evening of fast paced silliness. It’s an event I deeply enjoy compering, with my variously sparkly assistants Amy and Ben. This week we’re bring improv to Derby with Interrobang. It’s the first of what will be a monthly event (1st Monday of the month) at The Bookcafe. We’ll be bringing the DIY vibe I enjoy at Gorilla Burger, and we’re hoping to introduce a whole new city to the fun and delight of improvised comedy. We’ll be finishing off the evening with something a bit longer and more complicated – a bit of show and tell for our neighbouring city.

Wear Pink

The young son of some good friends has been getting stick recently for being himself. He likes pink, he likes dresses – he knows what he likes. That’s such a rare quality in one so young – to be able to recognise what feels comfortable and right. But of course his classmates and their parents have been so brutalised by the own social education that they feel justified and entitled to criticise the poor lad for his entirely harmless, healthy and self-aware clothing choices. Well fuck them.

Personally, I’m rather inspired by the little chap. I remember being yelled at for digging some high heeled leather boots and a skirt out of the dressing up box and wandering out in the front garden. I’ve cross-dressed for parties and for proper in the past, and though it’s been a while I have rather missed it. It’s incredibly difficult to know what you want to do, and to just do it. The very least I can do is show my support by wearing pink and sharing in the absurd reactions of strangers – everything from outright hostility to the confusion of teenagers. I had to go out and buy the shirt – I haven’t even worn a shirt for a while. I wore it to Gorilla Burger, I wore it to work. And you know what? It’s definitely growing on me. I shall be acquiring more brightly coloured clothes soon.

If you’d like to show your support – you can do so here: http://dearwolfiewithlove.tumblr.com/

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 9 June 2014 – book reviews and bicycle damage…

Lego Blog: CrazyBricks Skulltron – excellent custom Lego skulls combined with classic Blacktron

Events and Excitement

Wednesday 18th June 2014

Interrobang – Spontaneous Comedy Theatre

The Bookcafe
Cathedral Quarter
Derby DE1 2PL
7.30pm – £5

https://www.facebook.com/events/733785553331976/

Saturday 21st June 2014

The Furthest From The Sea Festival

A whole day of free music, theatre, comedy, workshops and craft fairs! An awesome celebration across a dozen stages and venues of everything brilliant in the arts.

From the Market Place to The Bookcafe
Derby City Centre
10am – 5pm FREE

FULL LINEUP

https://www.facebook.com/events/477712822305955/

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVU6N_nrFcQ?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

Film Review Round Up: A Million Ways To Die In The West, Maleficent and Godzilla (2014)

Posted on 17 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

A Million Ways To Die In The West

A surprisingly faithful Western showing a real love of the genre combined with the peculiar sharpness of Seth MacFarlane’s writing style. The film is at its best in montage (a decidedly odd victory) and when killing people off in many entertaining ways.

Seth MacFarlane as the lead is a bit wooden – the guy is an amazing voice talent, but his face doesn’t really move unless he’s smiling. It’s a little like watching Frank Sidebottom. Neil Patrick Harris is a fantastic contrast, masticating with scenery and a fine moustache throughout. The other cast members flesh out the modern Western vibe nicely, with Liam Neeson growling his way as a bad guy and the tough independent romantic interest Charlize Theron getting some decent action and gags.

The very, very best scene is the barn dance Moustache song with its superb synchronised dance routine. Such a shame they don’t have either Harris or MacFarlane singing – I would have loved this to be a musical. Sure, some of the gags are far too drawn out, just like in Family Guy sometimes he doesn’t know when to put a joke down, or shoot it in the head.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhmP8UYtipA?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

Ah hell, you’re not going to bother seeing this at the cinema, so here’s that best bit:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzZhw3KRT8k?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

Maleficent

This should have been splendid – Angelina Jolie‘s got horns, razor sharp cheekbones and magic. Instead it’s a weirdly dull and pointless rehash of Sleeping Beauty.

The start of the film is a lovely dash around faerie land with sprites, flying fish and assorted beasties. When they go to war (briefly) with mankind the huge dryad warriors are brilliant and it feels like it might be a good film, y’know, like The Chronicles of Narnia could have been. Instead it wimps out and follows the love-scorned and abused Maleficent as she curses the king’s kid, then looks after her while she grows up and *yawn* regrets her curse, but it gets fulfilled… for all of about ten seconds before Maleficent gives her the True Love(TM) kiss… and for some reason that’s the film.

Jolie’s a dragon for a bit. Poor, confusing and aimless despite being occasionally pretty.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh1lQESR9sU?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

(if the whole film had been like this trailer it would have been good, but only five minutes long)

Godzilla

An enduring hero of cinema, usually ruined by Americans who don’t get it – the original Godzilla only made palatable to Western audiences by splicing in a pointless storyline for Raymond Burr. Thankfully it seems that Hollywood has learned something since letting ~~Joel~~ ~~Some Bloody~~ Roland Emmerich ruin the giant monster for a generation with his weak-ankled and terrible version. This one’s still rather hit and miss.

The problem, I think, is feeling that we need a human character based story to accompany Godzilla’s destruction of cities. It’s a mistake, especially when you can’t really be arsed to do a good job of it. On the other hand, the human element is completely forgettable, involving just cliched moments of sadness (dad gets killed, taking Bryan Cranston out of the story far too early) and heroism (rescuing a child). It’s a shame, because the rest of the film is awesome fun.

They start with the opening credits being the video files and archives of Godzilla sightings, the words being redacted as soon as they appear – a very satisfying introduction. They’ve stuck to the atomic roots of Godzilla and his giant pals, although the emphasis on Godzilla’s role being that of balancing out the mega-megafauna feels unnecessary and oddly saps credibility.

The monster smash ups though are brilliant. Its main competition is Pacific Rim of course, which redefined how much of a spectacle a monster movie can be. Godzilla manages to hold its own.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjKO10hKtYw?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

This Week, Monday 23rd June 2014

Posted on 23 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

I Am Made Of Wood

And Earth, Air, Fire and Water. But mainly wood. The kind of wood that’s been soaked so you can bend it into a pretty table. With rusty metal hinges. That can only mean I spent all of Saturday in the sun, and finished it by lugging a neverending series of tables across Derby’s market place. Honestly, I’d swear the damned things were breeding when we weren’t looking. It was an excellent preparation for beers in The Brewery Tap…

The Furthest From The Sea Festival 2014

Well this was just brilliant. The stunning blue sky and aching heat (how do we keep getting this in England?) made Saturday to a gorgeous day at the Furthest From The Sea Festival. With something like 200 performers on one of half a dozen stages between 11-4 including music, dance, theatre, comedy, photography, crafty stuff, workshops and everything imaginable in between it’s a miracle of organisation. I’m just happy to be a part of it.

When I got involved / dragged into it by Matt McGuinness a couple of years ago I had no idea I’d end up knowing so many excellent creative people – many thanks to all of you for the fun. I ran an improv workshop during the day, but otherwise roamed the festival, flyering at people and mainly walking between stages. Let’s do all of this again next year (*cough* 20th June 2015). Particular note should be given to Mr Matt Newton for the really beautiful programme and graphics work.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SflowurXOjY?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

Interrobang: Spontaneous Comedy Theatre in Derby

Last Wednesday saw us rock the Derby Comedy Festival with DIY improvised comedy at The Bookcafe. It’s a great venue which I’ve enjoyed performing and compering at before. I wasn’t quite sure how it would work out for an improv night, but I was delighted with the result. We had the stage in the window, and tables out cabaret style waiting for an audience… and they came! There’s little as delightful as watching people put their names into the hat with no idea what’s coming up.

We had a good turnout, with more than half the attendees popping their names in. We ran through all the names at least four times, dishing out amazing Story-Story-Dies, scenes and ridiculously funny games. We polished off the night with a four-handed montage (Ben, Colin, Martin and myself) that began with a bunch of shepherds contemplating the Platonic ideal of ‘sheep’, bounced through Russian Roulette, Top Gear, space hoppers and families before ending with people hiding in the land of clocks… A perfect evening. We’ll very soon be scheduling this as a monthly show.

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 16th June 2014 – the importance of pink

Film Review Round Up: A Million Ways To Die In The West, Maleficent and Godzilla (2014) – fun, terrible and exciting – three completely different films.

Events and Excitement

Friday 27th June 2014

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/628045610600868/

Film Review Round Up: The Edge of Tomorrow, X-Men Days of Future Past, The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Posted on 24 June 2014 By Captain Pigheart

The Edge of Tomorrow

Love Tom Cruise? Well here’s a splendid sci-fi vehicle for him, one that make more sense and is more interesting than Oblivion. With aliens rather similar to The Matrix‘s Squiddies, but better this is as everyone has said, Groundhog Day mashed up with Starship Troopers. Essentially our man Cruise has to relive the same day of war against a relentless, psychic foe until he can get it right and kill the alien queen/whatever they called it. He’s teamed up with a tough Emily Blunt (“Full Metal Bitch”). Of course he’s not a real soldier so he has to learn quite a lot and do it over and over and over again.

Naturally a lot of the film falls into lengthy montages, but rather than harm the film they provide a good sense of the time and stress on the main characters. Blunt is very satisfying, especially with her sword and rifle combo.

Hate Tom Cruise? Well, you’ll love this – in order to relive the same day again he has to die. He gets shot in the head by Emily Blunt again and again. It’s great. It has a fine mix of sci-fi nonsense, squaddie bickering and D-Day Landing style action.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUmSVcttXnI?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

X-Men – Days of Future Past

The X-Men films have gone from strength to strength, except for Brett Ratner’s abomination of a third film which I like to pretend doesn’t exist. First Class was such an excellent film that I feared it would be difficult to match. It was, sadly. The trailer for Days of Future Past is a blur of activity, strong action scenes and is my favourite kind of preview, because it tells you nothing about what’s going on. It’s perhaps too tantalising compared to what you get…

The film opens with the future war – mutants being ruthlessly hunted by the future Sentinels. Very violent, kind of scary with some awesome mutant powers unleashed. Maybe it’s too exciting a beginning to beat. Once they hurl Wolverine back in time to stop Mystique from killing the inventor of the Sentinels it all bobs along quite nicely, but the new (or returning) mutants get short shrift in the script. Quicksilver isn’t even named, although he does have a fine super-slow-motion scene.

It’s great to see Mystique and the young Magneto and Professor X, but the story is one of those time paradoxes where if you save the day, then the day never happened and so it… doesn’t matter? Seeing the rise of the Sentinels was satisfying, and there are all sorts of incredibly brief appearances by favourite X-Men which make it an enjoyable success despite the story.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK2zYHWDZKo?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

I should start by saying that I really like Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man – the first two films he did were great, but the third was beset by too many villains and struggled to juggle them in a way that you could care about. Now only two films into the completely unnecessary reboot and poor Andrew Garfield is facing the exact same problem. Mind you, he is also incredibly irritating and I can’t stand him as Peter Parker – the stupid hair and teenage whimpering make me not care about him.

It’s a nice-looking film, and Garfield’s acrobatic background pays off for the amazing street-swinging action. The real hero is Gwen Stacey – the only smart and interesting character in the piece. The primary villain is Electro (showing Hollywood’s usual antipathy towards diversity, they immediately turn the only black character into a nice blue-white). He’s another of Spidey’s vulnerable, damaged enemies which makes it very difficult to root for the spider. The main story, although there are several that clumsily interweave, is of Parker finding out about his Dad, who died trying to stop his research being used by Oscorp.

You’d think that would be enough… but no, we get the rise of Harry Osborn, who needs spider-blood or something to stop him mutating weirdly like his dad and then dying. Sigh. Cue a terrible Green Goblin, and then Rhino finally gets shoe-horned badly in at the end. Oh, and Gwen Stacey dies. Peter is a bit sad. A busy and messy film.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbp3Ra3Yp74?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

This Week, Monday 30th June 2014

Posted on 1 July 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Time For Some Quiet

Exactly where I’ll find such glorious peace and quiet is unclear. It’s slightly concerning that I’m already seeking to hide away… I guess that’s mostly a consequence of the changes at work. Unlike many colleagues there’s a good chance my role will change considerably as business centres are merged and functions redistributed. I’m not against that… but all change is stressful to some degree.

Still, the evenings bring the fun stuff out. I’ve been munching through books and comics, especially Transformers since Comixology had a half-price sale on the Transformers Regeneration line. It returns to the US comic run which stopped at issue 80 back in the ’80s. I’m slightly confused by that as the UK comic ran to 300+ issues with (obviously) tonnes more stories and I don’t know what’s true in this universe. They’re fun though and it’s quite nice to return to the old style of drawing the Transformers (although I feel the more modern IDW comics generally represent them better).

Poor Shame-Hatted Beastie

Yup, that’s the Booberry with a cone of shame on. It’s been far too hot for the plush little princess and she gets overheated and grumpy and kicks massive chunks out of her fur. Currently she has a nasty looking porthole on her back and not much fur left between her eyes and ears. There is no choice but cone. And even more combing and brushing.

She deals with the cone terribly as well so we can’t even leave it on her all the time. She bumps into everything, including the floor and can’t get out of the house. Surprisingly she can get upstairs, though I dread to think how long it takes.

Pinkage As Tu

MissImp Go Pink — David, Colin, Martin, me, Ben, Marilyn & Parky

‘Nother month, ‘nother show. This time with us all in pink for a spot of solidarity with the little brothers who wish to wear pink but get bullied because of it. Stop teaching your children to be discriminatory little bastards – they can be better than their parents, if you let them.

Twas a really fun show, but also rather sad because it’s David’s last one before he goes off to another city to pursue science by injecting hearts with fat. Or something. It’s a science thing. I think we’re gonna reprise our Bitchcock Kerfuffle at the next Gorilla Burger before he vanishes in a cloud of stem cells.

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 23rd June 2014 – post #FFTS2014 happiness

Film Review Round Up: The Edge of Tomorrow, X-Men Days of Future Past, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – good, alright, okay.

Events and Excitement

Thursday 10th July 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage and have a go at improv games and scenes for the first time, or the fiftieth!

The Corner 8 Stoney Street (off Broad Street) Nottingham 7.30pm – £4 Bring Your Own Drinks

https://www.facebook.com/events/534516506647309/

We Have A Problem With Books

Posted on 3 July 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Gotta Catch Them All

I have deeply loved books since I was very small, even if it was just the amazing A3 sized(ish) art book my Dad has with paintings by Bosch and the agonising cleverness of Escher. Once I’d gotten over the minor hurdle of actually reading I discovered something I was quite good at, and wanted more of. I remember devouring Enid Blyton, and the particular shame of wasting my hard-earned book tokens on a crappy Faraway Tree book that was more than half pictures. I still feel a fool. But I had to have it – I’d read all the others and desperately wanted to consume more of Silky and Moon Face. Gosh that sounds odd, writing as an adult. At six it felt perfectly reasonable but I’m surprised the disappointment has stayed with me.

Then there were Doctor Who books, although I had to stop after reading an especially terrifying tale involving giant spiders. I can’t remember the title but I’m sure it was one of the Terrance Dicks ones. I loved the Hardy Boys (I still have The Twisted Claw) and eventually had about 70% of them; they were not that easy to get. One of my favourites is The Hardy Boys Survival Guide which teaches you how to make innumerable life-saving devices in the desert out of car wheels. Genius. I cheerfully dived through The Hobbit and Lord of The Rings when I was about 9 and started to get a feel for the fantasyish stuff. There was plenty of sci-fi at home though – Asimov and Clarke were everywhere and I got my first hit of Wyndham.

I’m not sure what I was reading after that, but I do recall the manias for acquiring every book by an author kicking in soon afterwards. It probably coincided with discovering that second hand bookshops offer very reasonably priced books and it feels like discount bookshops appeared when I was about twelve. So I bounded into Eddings and Moorcock, started the acquisition of everything Pratchett (thanks Colin), Steven Donaldson (stick to the first trilogy), got into Gordon R. Dickson, read the Anne Mcaffrey books until they introduced dolphins (why?), discovered that all the Hitchhiker’s books after the first one really aren’t that good (and that the Dirk Gently books are loads better). There are so many authors! I even found quite a lot of fun in the Games Workshop Black Library, Michael Crichton and even John Grisham.

Where Will We Keep Them?

By the time I went to university the volume of my own books was starting to rival Dad’s collection and had spilled out beyond my room. A Levels had taken it’s toll on my ability to read for fun and “studying” philosophy only gave my desire to read a further kicking. I did read for fun, but not as much. That took a few years to recover.

Earning money and living with my other half who is as avid a bookworm as I, possibly more so, has proven to be our library downfall. We used to do the charity shop run around Beeston every couple of weeks, hoovering up any book that could possibly span our interests, from historical fiction, to crime and detective fiction into interesting fantasy (I cannot stand the by the numbers fantasy of George RR Martin) and sci-fi. That covers a lot of ground, but leaves the Jilly Coopers on the shelves. Then, some bastard opened a huge bookshop in Nottingham where all books were a quid and then we were fucked.

Right now we’ve got a wall of books in the front room. The spare “bedroom” (ho ho) has a chimney breast spanning bookshelf with three waist-high piles of books in front of it, a wardrobe packed solidly six books deep, a stack of boxes of books bubbling up from under half of the desk up the wall (never mind the boxes on top of the other wardrobe. Our real bedroom has invisible powers – all of the space under the bed is stuffed with more boxes of books, as are the drawers and a single bookshelf pretends it’s got the only books in the room. It’s getting quite bad. We even managed to get rid of a few a while ago…

Read. Must. Read

We read quickly at least. I’m still just about managing a couple of books a week, unless one of them is a gargantuan Peter F Hamilton or Steven Erikson paper brick, plus a few comic collections; Marilyn’s doing at least that. I reckon I’ve got sixty books waiting to be read (plus Kindle and Comixology – shush). When will I find time to read them all? Will someone pay me to read them? Please…

I don’t think we can stop. That lovely picture of books is what my other half has acquired in the last fortnight. Curse The Works and their refurbishment sale. Sure, most of them cost much less than a quid each, but the only place they’ll fit is the kitchen table. I’m no better… I buy a couple of books for my Kindle every week and maybe order the odd one from Amazon. If we’re fool enough to go to a real bookshop it gets worse. And I buy comics, though now only (usually) from Comixology to read on my tablet. At least they don’t take up space.

Book cupboard restored — The wardrobe. A year ago…

BUT THEY’RE SO BEAUTIFUL

I should add that books are still very welcome gifts!

So Excited About Transformers: Age of Extinction

Posted on 4 July 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Me Grimlock KING

This weekend the wait is finally over. I have been in metaphysical agony since Pacific Rim awaiting more giant robot smashing entertainment. Sure, the new X-Men film had a few nice bits of metal boxing, but it wasn’t the main focus. I almost choked on my popcorn and lungs when the trailer for Age of Extinction first appeared at the cinema. I haven’t actually seen it yet, in part due to the initial asphyxia and subsequently because I put my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and chant the Transformers theme tune until it ends. Tell you what though, it’s got tonnes of bass – this film’s going to be awesome!

Me Grimlock My Little Pony

My excitement has only grown from catching glimpses of news and pictures of the new film. Dinobots? Yes. Oh yes. The giant standee in our local Cineworld of Grimlock bellowing in rage at Optimus Prime’s decision to ride him into battle made my knees go weak. The Dinobots have always been huge fan favourites, even when portrayed as educationally subnormal in the original cartoon series. Mostly, comics have avoided making the same mistake. I don’t know which of his chums are also in the film, though I hear they’ve renamed Slag to Slug. That makes no sense, especially for a film series that’s already had gross racial stereotypes with appalling names: Skids and Mudflaps (to their credit, Skids is a proper G1 character, but he wasn’t the arse end of an ice cream van). The latest IDW comic Dark Cybertron explains the name change as Arcee (the lady-bot) having pointed out its offensive connotations.

Feminism, humanity or even the basic characterisation of any human character is unlikely to arise in this latest Baysploitation epic. At nearly two and a half hours long this stands a good chance of establishing entirely cardboard stereotypes who will be crushed by huge transforming robot shooting and punching action. I don’t even want people in a Transformers story (even improbably spined pouting people) – make the ‘bots good enough and with enough personality and no one will care about the fleshlings anyway. Bay makes massive, explodery, terrible films… but Grimlock… Transformers… these I love more than any narrative failings.

It’s going to be brilliant.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jtz6hju6Yo&w=560&h=315]

This Week, Monday 7th July 2014

Posted on 7 July 2014 By Captain Pigheart

A Rose By Any Name Is Probably Not A Rose

It’s been a nice weekend for buying stuff. I like buying things; I have fully invested my emotions in retail therapy. Obviously Lego just makes you feel better anyway, but other odd items can work too.

Fred Hallam Ltd, the excellent local greengrocer and fishmongers in Beeston is where we get our Christmas trees because they’re good and reasonably priced. They also fall within cycling-with-a-tree-on-my-bike distance, which is really handy as well as a satisfying challenge. They’ve had roses in for the last couple of weeks and we’ve oohed and aahed going past but not quite gotten round to acquisiting any.

We used to have lovely roses in our garden, but then our arsehole neighbours erected a fence and cut us off from the gorgeous roses we’d spent years tending. But enough about those total wankers…

Marilyn lugged two lovely bushes home on Friday yet still desired more. So I went off on Saturday to acquire specifically ‘Moment In Time’ and ‘Together Forever’. I know, “awww”. I like these names; I can say them. Well I found them, and two more climbing roses. We’re going to strangle the fence with them. They’re really pretty and I’m very happy.

http://fredhallam.com/

Gimme Yo Discs

While ambling through town and suffering the terrible disappointment of Greggs having none of their delicious pulled pork barbecue lattices, I sought the solace of discovery. That’s Entertainment is organised in ways I don’t understand – a combination of alphabetic, popularity and genre all at the same time. I found some stuff I really wanted though. Then I turned round and spotted Marilyn flipping through the ‘lost case’ boxes.

Ahhh! It’s been ages since we had a good delve. You do need to be willing to put the time in and tug each disc up so you can check what it is. It takes effort, diligence and hope. We did well.

Moosic: 4Hero – Play With The Changes, 4Hero – Two Pages, Abba – The Love Songs, Beautiful South – Blue Is The Colour, Embrace – This New Day, Finley Quaye – Maverick A Strike, Goldfrapp – Black Cherry, Goldfrapp – Seventh Tree, Goldie – Timeless, Lamb – Between Darkness and Wonder, Lamb – What Sound, P!nk – I’m Not Dead, Royksopp – The Understanding, Tom Waits – Blood Money, Bloodstoned: EP

Vooing: 30 Rock (1st 3 discs of Season 1), ABBA Singstar (PS2), Alfie, Bring It On, Heroes Season 1, Heroes Season 2, Legend

I’m acquiring all the trip hop and drum and bass from back when I paid any attention at all to music and it’s very pleasing to update my Lamb, Goldfrapp and 4Hero collections for very very few pennies. CDs – still cheaper than mp3s, which is absurd. Plus, I love P!nk/Pink, and ABBA.

We’ll also now get a chance to give up on Heroes again. It was one of those shows where they started messing about with the scheduled time, and we just started missing it. Then didn’t miss it. Legend and Bring It On?! Amazing.

♥Last Week’s Scribbles

This Week, Monday 30th June 2014 – bits and bobs; a sad cat and joyous pink

We Have A Problem With Books – the dangers of bibliophilia in a little house

So Excited About Transformers: Age of Extinction – I really love Grimlock

Events and Excitement

Thursday 10th July 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage and have a go at improv games and scenes for the first time, or the fiftieth! David and I shall be reprising Bitchcock Kerfuffle at the end of the night.

The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

Bring Your Own Drinks

https://www.facebook.com/events/534516506647309/

Friday 25th July 2014

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/386854898125774/

Lines To Live By

Posted on 8 July 2014 By Captain Pigheart

Sometimes It Sounds Just Right

There are wonderful moments when rooting around in the minds of others (which is what reading really is), moments when the writer’s notions pierce our thickened skin and calloused skull. It’s all too easy to pretend that we’re different and special – we are, but in exactly the same way as everyone else.

As the kid in The Incredibles says (more or less) “everyone’s special; that’s just another way of saying that no one is” (slightly mangled quote by memory I’m afraid).

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E9pKU_N15A&start=75&w=300]

What does seem more special is the ways into our minds. Those neural pathways and complexes of memories and feelings create thorned and improbable lanes for ideas to loiter and flee into. Now and then I read something, or hear it (jeez, Portishead and Massive Attack have direct access to the gnarled emotional core of me), whether by a careful wordsmith or an off-hand quip and it ploughs through those fragile walls and the shambled maze is left stuttering agape in the wake of sudden solidarity.

Blundering in a Word Wood

So, the bit I stumbled across that touched my heart, possibly just because it seems to me to validate all forms of play as developmental and vital to the mind of a person, is from the (excellent) book I’m reading. From K.J. Parker‘s Devices and Desires

“Let a man therefore turn his hand to all manner of vain and foolish toys, so that thereby he shall make good his skill for when he shall require of it to serve a nobler purpose.”

This speaks to me in lots of ways. Not just in being able to wave away criticisms of just messing about with Lego or scribblings. Most importantly it shines a true light on the value of play and of playfulness. To my mind, every act of creation makes us a better person. I feel that it is when we are making, writing, building on stage, in life or on paper that we become ourselves most fully.

All we can ever be is ourselves; we can only pretend to be something else. In the end, it is only by being ourselves that we can hope to be happy. What nobler purpose? In play we are affectionate and happy, which allows those we are with to share in our happiness and affection and receive such in return. That’ll do for me.

Lego Blog: The Mixels – Cragstertastic

Posted on 9 July 2014 By Captain Pigheart

A Friday Night Treat

We’ve been acquiring Lego’s Mixels as part of our weekly shopping expeditions. At £3 each they feel like good value for money, especially on a Friday and especially considering that the last Lego minifigures series saw the price bumped up to £2.49 for just a single figure. The Mixels are exceedingly satisfying to build, and adorable. From a disassembly and reuse point of view they’re also ace. Lego have introduced a set of brand new hinges which will doubtless prove handy, and there are loads of nifty and unusual bricks in each set. We’ve got all of the first wave and are fighting the shoplifters in Tesco for wave two. The Lego website has some nice suggestions for Maxs (combined Mixel teams) and Murps (building across teams), all of which can be downloaded as PDFs. So far I’ve only made the Cragsters Max so far but I enjoyed it.

Nothing Is Ever Good Enough

There were a lot of bricks left over though, so I felt obliged to tamper further… he needed ears and thumbs as a bare minimum. I’m really looking forwards to wave 3!

Author: Captain Pigheart

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CENTRAL PERFORMANCE AREA – at the Market Square – Compered by Andy Potter

ROOTS STAGE – outside Derby Live

BOOKCAFE ACOUSTIC NIGHTS STAGE

BAND STAGE – Blacksmith’s Yard on Sadler Gate

KNICKERBOCKER GLORIOUS – variety event at the Waterfall:

STANDING JOKE COMEDY STAGE – the Old Bell Ballroom – Compered by Tony Bigissue Peppiatt

THEATRE stage at Guildhall Club Rooms

CATHEDRAL QUARTER ARTS & CRAFTS FAYRE – Guildhall Arches and Market Place – 10:00am

ARTS & CRAFTS WORKSHOPS – Derby Market Place – 10:00am

Vintage Photography Trail with W.W.Winters

Sinfonia Viva Presents: Sounds like fun!

1623 Trainee Actors

Derby Sketching Cub

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Week One Is Over

Ow Fucking Ow

Onwards

Books

Events and Excitement

Thursday 12th June 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Wednesday 18th June 2014