Lego Blog: Santa Mecha-Claus

A Very Scary Christmas

I know it’s not Christmas anymore, and I’m sorry. Not just that it isn’t Christmas (which really isn’t my fault) but that it now makes this Lego build seem oddly timed. I didn’t have much time in the run up to the joyous festival of peace and schinkling, but I’d had the idea of a Santa Claus mech in my head for a few weeks. It was only after Boxing Day that I had the spare time to devote to it.

I’d been inspired by the Galaxy Team and the Lex Luthor mech (a lovely birthday present), which showed me something of how to use the ratcheting joints and ball-joints that I’d acquired in a big box of assorted Lego. There are also a million fantastic MOCs on Flickr constantly tempting me to play.

Put Yourself In Another Man’s Shoes

I started with the boots. This was a terrible idea, because they got awful fancy and neat very quickly, and also quite large. Before I knew it I had full ankle rotation and the stump of shinbones sticking up with no idea what was going to come next. The shoe size inevitably defined the size of the mech and I’m delighted to say that he ended up at a full twelve inches tall (to the top of his hat). I was quite concerned about stability so he got solid legs, adding a further knee and hip joint to the ankles.

I struggled to conceive of how the body should work, but I knew that I wanted enough space to insert Christmas Yoda (from the advent calendar a few years ago) as its pilot. With that in mind I found an appealing cockpit and went to work.

Redbrick

Luckily I’d just sorted my primary colour Lego, so all the neat little parts were safely tucked into relevant containers leaving just the decent sized bricks to sort through. I couldn’t find a way to work the waist – the body just pressed down onto the pelvis brick. In retrospect I guess I could have built a column down from the body that could clip onto a rotating disc. As it stands, Santa is far too easy to bisect.

I did a rough draft body to get the size about right before moving on to the arms and gloved fists. I tend to get obsessed with using a particular brick and had these nice shoulder ball-socket parts (probably from Hero Factory or similar). They’re nice, but spindly and I had fun building out from all sides of them using Technics pegs. I’m pleased with their overall result, and I couldn’t resist adding some Manga arm blades for good measure. If I remade him I’d ensure I had ratcheted shoulders so he could be posed properly (lunging towards the camera).

A Fistful of Lego

Sculpting Santa’s gloved fists was possibly the bit I enjoyed most. I found it very difficult to keep the size of them down when aiming for a nice rounded feel to the corners. In the end they matched Santa’s boots quite well, and I was unable to prevent myself from adding claws to finish the finger tips off.

They all clipped together well, but the body left me feeling unsatisfied. At length I realised he had no beard and I’d only built the brim of his hat. Demolition time! In rebuilding him I aimed to give him a bit more of a belly and reflect the white trim across his shoulders (and gave him a belt buckle. Once I’d added the beard and made a proper Santa hat he felt just right.

    

He Knows If You’ve Been Bad Or Good

He’s huge! Putting him behind the two storey Lego Creator house Marilyn gave me for Christmas gives a proper sense of scale – the young Boba Fett fits easily into his claws. I’d like to build him a ‘Santa’s Sack’ backpack too, but I think I’d have to rebalance him entirely to make that work. He’s fairly terrifying and should provide a reason for children to behave themselves…

 

You can see all the pictures here on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/eric_the_bewildered_weasel/sets/72157639319153724/

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The Desert Crystals – Part 26: Spirals

Desert Crystals Part 26 – Spirals

DesertCrystals7The screaming started just after flames erupted across the throbbing rock. As the captain of The Dove’s Eye had hoped, the raging heat of the explosives jammed into the seeming walls stirred the strange cavern into motion. No one had quite foreseen the immediate effect of unleashing such a firestorm in a confined space. They were more concerned with forcing the curiously fleshy rock walls to escape the flames and grant them an exit. Unfortunately, since they were already near crushed by the contracting caves, and only feet away from the explosion, flaming debris set light to the prow of The Dove’s Eye almost immediately. It drove on regardless as the cave retched around it, vomiting the airship in a grinding rip of rock, wood and canvas.

The airship had entered the aerial cliff in the dead of night and at an altitude which had caused even their hearty balloons to sag, and caused their lungs in drawing satisfying breath. Though they had been within its humid confines for only a few days it felt like a lifetime. The eagerly anticipated relief of a blast of fresh air against their sweaty cheeks and the sun’s gentle touch on their eyeballs was cruelly denied them. Instead blinding light robbed everyone on deck of vital sight as the airship and her crew tipped and tumbled down into the day.

Fortune didn’t entirely mock the crew however. The air proved too thin to sustain the blaze and it snuffed out in a belch of smoke. The ashen remnants of the silk pennants tied to Harvey’s forelegs fluttered madly as The Dove’s Eye plunged into its fall. The canopy that restrained the huge balloons of gas had been gashed open by the teeth of rock on their rude exit, and canvas wings matched Harvey’s tattered semaphore. Ropes tore and whipped the falling airship, as if hastening the craft towards the ground.

The crew, wisely and in accordance with Lord Corshorn’s direction, were all firmly bound to the safety ring – albeit on lengths of rope themselves. In all, their experience was much like that of a Maypole’s worth of dancing children being abruptly hurled from a cliff. Skymates were tossed from the deck when the ship began her violent descent, to be battered against the ailing balloons till they reached the ends of their tethers where they flapped helpless against the chill racing air, and each other. The airship’s construction and integrity was based on keeping the gondola below the balloon. In its tumble from their stony prison the balloon had tipped forwards, dragging the gondola under and behind it. The natural balance of the lighter than air balloons attempted to rectify the situation and in doing so twisted lines and began an inelegant spiral.

Those skymates lucky enough to be inside the gondola (or in Rosenhatch Traverstorm’s case – standing in the doorframe and therefore bounced inwards via concussion) were treated to a smoother ride. Once their bodies had met each wall and settled on the new floor, and all the unfixed furniture and luggage had struck them more than once, centripetal force glued them safely in place.
Inside the cabin where poor one-eyed Jacob Bublesnatch lay bound to his bunk, the first few rotations of the airship had smashed the bunk back into the wall, acting according to its hinged nature. Maxwell, who had been toying beneath the bunk with one of the foul grubs that had popped from the cabin lad’s eye, froze perfectly in place on the floor, his claws rooting him in the instant of the firey explosion and terrifying scream that the Sky Cliff had uttered. He noted the bunk flip up and batter the boy into the wall.

Maxwell bounded from the floor to the bunk. He leaped from the bunk in the time between it bouncing on its hinges and returning Jacob’s bruised face to the wall (at which point the hinges snapped, flinging Jacob and bunk upwards. He nimbly evaded the cascade of jars containing the rest of the ghastly worms as they shattered against the wall, floor, porthole and Jacob. He defied gravity as he skipped over the flying glass. And, as the airship spun out into its downward spiral, dragging Jacob in his battered bunk to lie against the outer wall, Maxwell jumped once more, to land, claws extended into the soft cushioning comfort of unconscious Jacob’s stomach. He felt safe, but not safe enough to retract his tiny paw anchors.

‘Safe’ is a relative term at the best of times, and Lord Corshorn had eschewed its use for most of his sky sailing days. His present disposition – wedged in a corner of the cockpit, gripping his telescope and holding the map cabinet shut with one foot – was angry. From his vantage he could see the vast expanse of desert beneath them revolving behind the thrashing form of their Giant Centipede, Harvey who was still securely pinioned to the deck. He swallowed his concern for the crew he had seen whipped from the deck by the speed of their exit and subsequent tumble. His duty was to the ship itself; once secured he would be able to see to his crew.

The spin pulled at Lord Corshorn as he dragged himself across the cabin. It dragged at his hands and face and head, threatening him with blackness that seeped into the bright edges of his vision. He clenched his teeth, hard enough to hear them crunch, and reached for the levers that could redirect their reckless whirling. They had used their rockets to escape the crushing confines of the Sky Cliff, but their departure was so swift that it had torn Corshorn’s fingers from the switches. When his hand finally reached the switch he hesitated. Concern rippled across the lines in his face. He yanked the lever as far down as it would go. The airship shuddered and lurched. The pressure on his face abated and the map cabinet closed on its own. The spin would slowly ease but as yet the captain had done nothing to stop their descent.

Next Week: Part 27 – Fragile Things

In the same series:

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This week, Monday 27th January 2014

Sneezing Need For Speed

It’s been an odd week – alternately frantic and quiet. Busy days, quiet evenings. It’s not a bad combination I suppose. I am getting that horrible sensation of stress rising up out of the abyss and I’m not sure how to slow it down. More Lego probably!

More grogIt’s the stress that’s waking me up in the night and making me want that extra final whiskey of the evening. On Friday I finally allowed my cold to catch up with me and spent the day working from home in my pyjamas with a filthy stuffed noggin and headache. I made myself feel better in the evening with some serious grog, a Merly-Boo and a good book. I bought a cheap bottle of Cockspur‘s golden run, which is a decent grog filling. It’s even better in a mug half-filled with Caramel Sauce and a spot of milk. The second grogging round was just with the traditional golden syrup. Mmm, couldn’t even feel my face.

On Sunday I discovered that meatfeast pizza and Very Cherry Pop Tarts go rather well together. It’s the ideal combination of instant sugar and slow-burn carbo-fat-meat heap. It has served me well…

Scribbling and Reading

To avoid thinking any more than is strictly necessary I’ve dug myself back into reading and getting some writing done. I’m very happy to have been writing and posting stuff for four days of the week over the last fortnight. It’s a routine I’d be delighted to maintain. It’s a target I guess and one that just might be possible… until work turns thoroughly insane and tries to kill me.

Having now written two new chapters of The Desert Crystals I can feel the story coming back to me and the voices of some of the characters. Hopefully the rest of them will come back to me too.

♥ Last Week’s Scribbles

This week, Monday 20th January 2014  – mutinous princely babblings.

Televisual Ambivalence  – BBC3’s best and worst (right now). Strange you write about how much you dislike someone only to immediately have them follow you on Twitter. Strange. Or possibly just their media rep getting busy.

Lego Blog: Santa Mecha-Claus – huge robot Santa action!

The Desert Crystals – Part 26: Spirals – just because you get out a dangerous situation doesn’t mean another isn’t waiting to pounce.

Media Intake

Film: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

We watched Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit today. It’s not good. In fairness to the film-makers, Cineworld did try to warn us of this in their film synopsis:

You should see this because: ”

Chris Pine does for Jack Ryan what he did for Captain Kirk in ‘Star Trek’.”

 

Cineworld Magazine

I loathed him as Kirk in both of those terrible Star Trek films. He’s bland, blank and aside from his striking blue eyes has no merit or place on a cinema screen. At least in this he’s matched by Keira Knightley, so he doesn’t seem quite so freakish. It’s a pretty terrible film all round – Pine fails to convince as a person, let alone as someone in the marines / on a plane / in a bank / CIA / being upset / sweating. His hands shake a bit after he drowns a guy in a bath – that’s about the extent of his acting prowess here. Knightley’s actually not too bad. There’s a lot of jaw acting going on but y’know, with Kenneth Branagh to compete with on the firm lips and gritty jaw stuff she’s shown to be a mere amateur. Kevin Costner makes a brave effort to look remotely interested in what’s happening when he’s on screen but even he can’t be arsed to do much running around.

It doesn’t really matter what the film’s about – it’s some money thing where the Russians (damn those pesky ex-Commies) are going to blow a hole in the US economy (I thought that’s what the US government was for?) and blow a hole in Wall Street with a bomb. If you ever struggle to understand the plot of a film you should go and watch this as they explain every step the characters make. It’s a relief actually as it meant I could pay attention to how exciting monitors full of currency charts are. It isn’t clear why there’s the bombing plan. I suppose it would end (more) anti-climatically if they just uploaded the e-doohickey and went home.

By far the worst in a series of average films about Jack Ryan. It’s sole interesting feature was finding a new way to torture a lady (how else would Jack and the CIA be motivated to save the world if his girlfriend wasn’t in danger?) – an energy saving light bulb in the gob.

Events and Excitement

Friday 31st January

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

MissImp_in_Action-SQ2

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/1419935891573539/

Saturday 1st February

The Same Faces – Improvised Comedy

The Same FacesThe Criterion
44 Millstone Lane
Leicester
LE1 5JN

8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4 on the door

https://www.facebook.com/events/426598757469736/

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Pulp Pirate 19 – FC 94 Road Couch

Flash Cast 94 – Road Couch

Wow, this is a beast of a podcast. Weighing in at just over two hours (!) this is the Flash Pulp gang catching up after a busy pre-Christmas period. Listen in for slices of Horrible Histories, a Doc Blue seasonal story as well as pulp crime jabber and podcast and audiobook reviews!

Flash Pulp remains the only podcast I listen to every single episode of. Oh, and there’s the first part of Alex Trepan in ‘Midnight Shopping’. Jrd and co. have sweetly agreed to it being serialised, well, for the next three podcasts it will take to tell out the tale. It’s cool! They also read a long letter from Captain Pigheart and say nice things. It made me happy. I had some fun recording the three-parter as well. I haven’t read a story in my own voice before (no Pigheart or de Gashe growling at all). I was quite pleased at how it plays back. My stuff starts at 1hr 16m but really should listen from the beginning – it’s worth it!

Listen to it now: 

FC94

http://flashpulp.com/
http://skinner.libsyn.com/rss
http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/flash-pulp/id367726315

Shankery – Angry Poetry For Liars

Shankanalia 8I suspect there are going to be a number of aggravating aspects to the early part of the year. They will likely be compounded with later, more aggravating factors. In short, I anticipate the degree of vexation to be raised skyward by my diurnal activities. I suppose it will at the least inspire me to be more florid in my ejaculations of anger. 

For me, a combination of bad planning (or what they call ‘high level planning’ without bothering to do the ‘low level planning’, i.e. planning the actual work itself), ignorance and a morbid lack of responsibility combine to cause a great deal of stress and risk for myself and those I work with. That’s to say nothing of the effect on service users. Oh well, this is a Conservative government (following an alt-Tory Labour government) after all and it’s hard to be surprised anymore by the ravaging insanity that spreads out from London. At what point do we stop caring at all? How long does it take before it’s not even annoying anymore?

Follow @shankanalia on Twitter for irregular poetic updates.

Shankery – Angry Poetry For Liars

Exceeding Expectations Like A Train
For fuck’s sake,
You can’t be this fucking dumb.
Your ignorance
Almost strikes me silent…
Except for this scream,
Waxing and waning
With pain.

Your Competence Leaves Me Speechless
You no facking worky-worky,
You some kinda facked up monkey
Tossin’ your filthy jerky
Like a fackin’ jism turkey:
Gobble spitting twat-finch flirty.

Coping With Frustration
You know, fuck it.
Just fuck it.
Fuck it all,
And fuck it up
Fuck it back
And fuck it sideways
Till it’s proper fucked-
Then fuck off
You fucking fuck.

Oak Aged Murder
I’d like to drown you
In whiskey
So I can taste your pain.
Down your suffering
Like a tonic;
Revitalising me
With your death juice.
You taste gritty.

Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Face
Kick you in the face
With gusto and whimsy,
Jab my foot inside your eye hole
And wear you like a shoe
With an inelegant heel
And bloody laces.

A Perfect Specification
Fit for purpose?
Fit for a punch.
As per design?
Designed by a twat.
Thoughtless,
Witless-
Fuckspoons for eyes;
Cocknut eared wanker.
Cockteeth.

Worse Than Fries
Stab you in your ignorant heart,
Split it like a lettuce.
Toss the leaves of your life
With a nice bloody vinaigrette
Of your happy memories.

More of The Same

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Terrible Dreams Made Into Stories: The Swans

The Swans

The bodies were found, finally, stretched out on the battered wooden boards of the old comprehensive school. It had been closed and derelict for years, a spooky ghost house, squat or health and safety hazard depending on your age. The police had been drawn in after a passer-by spotted a line of crows noisily queueing to squeeze in through a broken window. The window had been broken by a thirteen year old boy named John, not that anyone asked. He’d found the shattering glass went some way to pacify the anger and upset he felt with the world.

The bodies were incomplete. Of the seven, three lacked heads and all were missing an arm or a leg. They had been there for some months, lined up like toast soldiers getting soggy and seeping into the floorboards. The police forensics teams took the whole floor.

None of the bodies were identified. No one from the town was missing. No one else had heard of them either. The missing heads didn’t help, but the fingerprints were no use, the DNA was a dead end. No wallets, no badges, no clothes no nothing. Aged between fifteen and forty-five, three female, four male. They lay in the cold cold morgue like a charity shop jigsaw; with missing pieces and the wrong picture on the box.

Swans

Three months after the bodies were found and forgotten again the school was finally demolished. Spurred on in part by the failed investigation and the desire to erase those disturbing memories. The site was left newly derelict, bulldozed heaps of bricks and drainpipe, window frame and blackboard jumbled and smashed in a metal-fenced pen.

Behind the wasteland rose the forest, thrusting up into the stumpy hills that ringed the north and east of the town. They were not well-visited woodlands, being curiously devoid of rare fauna and flora. Had they been more interesting something would have been built there. A few thin paths blundered through the trees, edging the hills and descending to the town’s old beauty spot, Wendle Pool.

Despite being just a short walk from the town centre the woods and pool were the preserve of squirrels, small birds and teenagers. Two such, Michael and Evan who at the empowering age of sixteen considered themselves hunters and woodsmen, ventured out early on Saturday morning to inspect their attempts at rabbit snares and toss stones into the pool.

The snares remained empty and the boys’ pen knives remained pocketed and unused. They smirked at the routine disappointment of a failed hunt; acknowledging the failure had become an important ritual in itself. In commemoration Evan exchanged a loosely rolled cigarette for a Marlboro Light. The pair smoked and talked quietly as they hiked uphill towards the cliff that lurked over the pool. Even their conversation was routine, a form of words and habits that comforted and ordered the day.

They followed their familiar trail up through the scrappy birches and bracken that bedraggled the hills. The cold chill of the morning held a mist between the trees. It cast a glamour across the unremarkable landscape, imbuing it with softness and shadowy beauty that clarity would never grant. Beneath the furrowed brow of the ridge the boys climbed, the birches were supplanted by a small copse of firs. The green of their boughs mocked the emptiness of the needled earth beneath.

As they passed the last birch, Evan recoiled suddenly. The roll-up he was confidently dangling from the corner of his mouth stuck to his lip and he sucked it into his mouth as he cried out. He fell back into Michael, who failed to catch him and they both stumbled to the needle-strewn ground. Evan spluttered out the strands of tobacco and paper and choking managed only to point. Branches stretched across the clearing and hanging from the branches in the dead centre two heads leered at them.

An ancient scream was fixed in their faces; eyeless holes matched the gaping mouth as if they too were screaming. The boys recovered their fragile teenage swagger. Once they were assured that the heads were indeed just heads, a degree of self-deprecation and bravado could be reacquired. The hills were the regular domain of Michael and Evan, its contents their dominion, surely. With fluttering heart and an unusual physical proximity they approached the heads. They swayed with a breeze the boys had not previously noticed, swinging gently on their own hair which was knotted to the tree branch. The skin on the hanging faces was weathered, their gender was hard to guess. Being apart from their bodies and the hues that should have painted their cheeks left them neuter, inhuman; at once less and more frightening.

The mist clung to the edges of the copse, confining the boys and the heads in a grey cage. Neither boy felt inclined to touch them. A terrible sense that they would bite, or talk, or scream lingered in both their minds though it remained unspoken. There was no doubt that the decapitated heads had not been there the previous Saturday. This was the way they always came. They would have noticed. Of course they would have noticed. They must not have noticed. Perhaps the heads were tied to some higher bough, of course they must have been there. Just out of sight. Of course. Otherwise they were newly placed. Weird though. Really weird.

With their conclusion that the heads had always been present came a sense of acceptance, that this was normal. Concerns that had the heads always hung above their heads that those eyeless faces would have borne witness to a number of blushing youthful indiscretions were half-heartedly laughed off. They should continue with their routine. Finding that the path out of the copse was marked irregularly with amputated forearms, feet and hands pointing in the direction of their passage failed to alert the boys. Their fears screamed below a thin veneer of calm habit.

Leathery fingers crooked as they passed, toes curled. Knees and wrists flexed, dry and worn tendons tugged by unseen puppeteers. The mist was denser, followed them along the path as if the world dissolved behind them to reform before their feet. They breathed cold smoke into the woods. The copse opened out onto the ledge that frowned on the pond beneath. The boys stood shoulder to shoulder. Neither noticed that they were so close that their fingers almost touched; their digits twitched for the warmth and reassurance just within reach.

Below them the mists rose from the pool like a cold fire, burning away the vitality of the water. It lay black and still; clotted. Thoughtless, blinded by the icy smoke wreathing the teenagers they descended the steep path that lead down to the water. In a haze Evan splashed into the water. It rose up in languid waves which cracked and bled, blackly soaking the boy’s trousers. Michael remained on the bank, mutely watching his friend wade into the fracturing mire.

With each step Evan grew heavier. His skin mottled on contact with the diseased fluid that filled the pool. The flesh of his hands and face cracked, falling away in a fine rain. Michael swayed, held up by the smoke and smell of the water. Evan’s face collapsed, sliding down his jacket leaving only cracking bone which crumbled in turn, and Evan’s naked skeleton sank into the pool.

Michael lurched on the edge of the water, unable to draw his eyes away from Evan’s hair as it slowly spread out. The smoky murk lifted briefly as if a giant breathed over the pond. Between the fingers of mist came nightmare creatures. The swans glided through the rank scum, seemingly untroubled by its thickness. They were rotting as they swam, each kick of their feet blackening another feather that curdled. The swans dipped their faces to the water and emerged with rancid treacly beaks oozing bloody waste.

The corrupted swans gathered at Michael’s feet decaying wings raised. Their eyeless faces drooled a welcome call. Michael fell forwards and was embraced by the sludge.

Related Stories

Hayfevered Dreams: A Brain-Scrambled Story #1

Slightly Broken: Ghastly Dreams

Appeasement and Loss

Dreaming in Hydrocarbons

Twinned With Evil – part 1

This week, Monday 3rd February 2014

Aaagh Improv Every Day

Well, almost. Last week was fairly exhausting – in a good way, if there is such a thing. Some people tell me there is, the others tell me to have a night in. Ho hum, bring on that gorgeous manic frenzy! Perhaps that’s a bad thing, but it does feel marvellous for a while. So yeah – last week I had fun improvising from Tuesday through to Saturday night. I could really do with a couple of days leave around about now. It seems I’ll have to go to work though.

The Same Faces Feb 2014 - Minefield

There has been a good deal of excitement: Tuesday gave us fun and games with the mob at Fisticuffs (we really must plan a show in sometime), followed by more teaching (which really does fix a crappy day and incipient migraine). Jamtimes on Thursday and then on to the shows for the weekend. We had a really nice turnout for MissImp in Action at The Glee Club. We deployed thirteen improvisers to do their stuff, and they did. We had a pretty swift and funny show, and had to deal with / incorporate a pair of rather drunk lady audience people who found occasion to shriek during some scenes. Strange, strange people. Parky laser-eyed them to death during The Shawshank Redemption.

On Saturday I had a rare treat: being invited to play elsewhere. In this case, to perform with The Same Faces in Leicester. I’d only ever met Tom Young, their frontman once before and I was very happy (and somewhat relieved) to find them a delightful bunch of chaps. They do an entirely shortform games show on the first Friday Saturday of each month at The Criterion in Leicester (first Friday in Northampton). We had a very funny show and I’m happy to have contributed to it. It’s also very nice to be invited!

The picture here (thanks to Nick Dunning for the action shot) is of me and Dave Gotheridge playing ‘Greatest Hits’, with Dave collapsing under the joy of watching the boys deliver ‘Minefield’ – a fusion of bluegrass and Icelandic throat singing. We played a lot of games I haven’t even thought of since watching Whose Line back in the olden days. It was a rather nice change of pace. I shall return…

This week I need to chill the fuck out.

♥ Last Week’s Scribbles

I’m still quite disturbed by the dream I had that I wrote up and posted last week. I don’t recommend dreams of death and horror. It seems to be all I dream of. Consequently I’m quite happy to smother my unconscious mind with amitriptilyne. Even when I woke up during a dream thinking it was just some complex logistics I awoke a second time when I realised we were working out how to dispose of a body.

This week, Monday 27th January 2014 – mostly a review of the quite terrible Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit.

Pulp Pirate 19 – FC 94 Road Couch  – excellent pulp fiction podcast featuring a little bit of a story by yours truly.

Shankery – Angry Poetry For Liars – rargh, hate in super-short poem form.

Terrible Dreams Made Into Stories: The Swans – I have no idea why I wrote this down; it was horrible dream.

Media Intake

We were thrilled, positively thrilled to discover the new Lego Movie Lego Minifigures Series 12 in WH Smith’s. We now have all of them bar the lady construction worker (soon to follow!) The new construction sets that have been released so far seem utterly bonkers and promise great fun in the building.

I’m been chewing through books at my usual rate (I’m not sure when I’ve been doing this…) Notable recent reads include Christopher Moore‘s Practical DemonkeepingTerry Pratchett‘s Raising Steam and Stephen Hunt’s From The Deep of The DarkI enjoyed all three for quite different reasons. I suppose I ought to do some reviewing of all this stuff I’m consuming. Maybe later in the week.

Events and Excitement

Thursday 13th February

Gorilla Burger: improv comedy carnage

Gorilla Burger2_SQ_SM

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage, and a superb opportunity to get an idea of what Nottingham improv is all about.
The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

https://www.facebook.com/events/218155238365760/

Friday 28th February

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

MissImp_in_Action-SQ2

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/1419935891573539/

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The Old Angel Nottingham – Horrifying Valentine’s Day Poster0

What’s Wrong With This Poster?

This is how the Old Angel pub in Nottingham are advertising their Valentines’ Day event:

image

Die Die My Darling
(With a picture of a skeleton holding a glass up to a woman. Through the glass we see the skull of the woman.)
Bag A Slag, Grab A Hag
Alternative Speed Dating Friday 14th February 7pm
£1 + Free Shots for Girls Taking Part

A friend pointed this out to me last week. Initially I was torn between laughing at it – how could someone be so fucking stupid, and being angry – how could anyone be so blithely misogynistic. It’s bothered me ever since. It could be easy to dismiss this as ‘just a joke’, which is exactly what The Old Angel Twitter feed is saying. They seem to be slightly put out that some folk consider this not to be a joke. If it’s a joke, then explain it so that we can all have a good laugh.

Often Ranty has a good list of The Old Angel’s defensive replies: http://oftenranty.wordpress.com/2014/01/31/old-angel-nottingham-valentines-day-event-potential-trigger-warning-for-language/. There’s a rather nice alternative poster by @Fuz_Wuz

Without that explanation (and possibly even with it), this poster reads reads to me like an invitation to rape and kill drunk bitches.

Let’s go line by line and find the jokes

Die Die My Darling

This is the title of the event. It certainly does suggest an ‘alternative speed dating’ – an event for murderers and prospective victims. The romance makes you want to cry. And with the picture… drink enough and you’ll see what someone’s really like inside. They’re bones – already dead, masquerading as real people. So you can do whatever you like to them. Like belittle them, abuse them, kill them. How loving, I suppose we could be calling for ‘the little death’ but the picture rather deflates that hope (as does the dripping-blood font choice).

Bag A Slag, Grab A Hag

It’s not exactly “find a suitable partner whom you can cherish” is it? At best this establishes that women who participate in speed dating are sexually promiscuous and ugly. I can only imagine how keen I would be to attend and be judged this way. It’s such a cruel dismissal of the individual and the choices we make as well as those that are forced upon us. It’s the same tiresome sexism of judging female promiscuity as ‘slags’ and yet encouraging men for identical behaviour.

It also has terrifying connotations of hunting women and taking them without their consent. Presumably this is because as hunter-gatherers this is entirely within our male right. Women are no more than prizes to be displayed and boasted about. It perplexes me why we would denigrate someone as a slag or a hag and yet still regard them as a prize… where is the male target of this poster’s self-esteem and self-respect?

This Valentine’s Day is an opportunity for those with zero self-esteem to present themselves for the use of unloving predatory males. Fantastic.

Free Shots for Girls Taking Part

Marvellous – should anyone still feel that they are welcome at this event they can be plied with drink for free. Hardly a responsible attitude. I know people are still frequently confused by the idea that once inebriated we still have the right to consent, that being drunk does not equal consent. Why aren’t the men getting free shots – is it more important that they retain their critical faculties so they can better judge the slags and hags? Or is more important that those suffering the sheer hatred of the event as advertised can blind themselves to the intended outcome of the night?

Oh, That’s The Joke

I see – a Valentine’s event where there is no love. Got it.

I can’t understand who would be attracted to this event other than some complete bastard with no love for themself or anyone else. The poster reads like an advert for date rape, or what we call rape. Laced with contempt and hatred for women this is just a disgusting poster. The attitudes it supports could be considered outdated, but they have always been loathsome attitudes.

It just makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with some people. I sincerely hope The Old Angel will withdraw it and apologise for being tasteless and stupid, but that seems unlikely since the poster’s designer is a “massive feminist” – I think that’s clear from the poster. Hopefully no one will go to this and the joke will succeed in having a nice empty pub on Valentine’s Day.

I wonder how Pieminster might feel about supplying their pies to a pub with posters like this.

Update Almost as soon as I’d posted this a brief interview has appeared on the Nottingham Evening Post website. Sadly the poster designer just comes across as terribly naive, it’s all just a bit of fun.

http://www.theoldangel.com/gigguide/this-months-gigs.htm
http://www.theoldangel.com/gigguide/ALT-SPEED-DATING-MARCH-14-L.jpg

Pulp Pirate 20 – FC 95 Rich’s Chocolate Moon Pie

Flash Cast 95 – Rich’s Chocolate Moon Pie

Back again! I’m glad the Flash Pulp mob are getting back on track – so much so that I’m already a week or more behind in listening! Goddamn it don’t you hate it when purveyors of fine content keep on producing the stuff. Bastards.

So, apart from entertaining true crime stories and geeky pulp anxiety I’m pretty much alone with my little segment in this podcast. It’s part two of Alex Trepan in ‘Midnight Shopping’  – Prawn Ring this week (guess what comes up next week…) Since it’s a series and offers no explanation of the previous events Jrd’s added a ‘last time on Alex Trepan’: marvellous! I’ve received some nice feedback on the story and my reading of it, which is really lovely and provides a much needed boost. I’m getting used to hearing my real voice with this series. It seems to be okay…

Listen to it now: 
image

http://flashpulp.com/
http://skinner.libsyn.com/rss
http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/flash-pulp/id367726315

This week, Monday 10th February 2014

New Wheels, Sleeping

The Lego Movie robotsLast week was busy while not having that many things in it… I find those weeks odd. I believe it’s a combination of having lots of work to do while being acutely aware of how poor the planning is nationally. It means we’re spinning wheels only hoping they’re going in the right direction. It only confirms my understanding that project management is a total waste of time if you don’t know what you’re managing and don’t have people who actually understand the project running it. Sigh. Big sighs. On the plus side that puts me in a mini frenzy of activity which I do quite enjoy.

I’ve been coming home and having a beer, which isn’t necessarily a good sign. It does relax and calm me down a bit though. Swings and rahndabahts and all that. There’s always the delights of Lego…

Soberly Drinking

Speaking of beer, David and I had an irregular mandate last Monday and checked out two new(ish) bars in Nottingham for the first time.

Sobar Nottingham

We met at Sobar Nottingham on Friar Lane. It’s the first zero-alcohol bar in the city that isn’t just a cafe. I mean, it’s like a cafe in that there’s no booze, but it’s open at pub times. Pleasingly it’s also directly opposite that hell-dive Walkabout; whether by accident or design it’s a satisfying location. The building is lovely. I think it used to be a bank, and it retains the wooden porch entrance. Beyond that it’s all very clean and white with big chunks of secondary colours and some fun artwork (also the ceiling moulding work is gorgeous).

The staff are very friendly and offer a good range of smoothies, juices and soft drinks. I can’t resist Fentimans, and tried their cherry cola out. It was very pleasant. We ate there too, in the pleasant and peaceful ambience, shockingly lacking drunken shouting. It’s ridiculously chilled in there, though that might be in part due to the ambient dub-type music playing (I liked it). They do an excellent pulled pork burger in ciabatta and the more usual burger David had looked good too.

I very much like the idea of a pub that isn’t a pub. I don’t really want caffeine in the evening and for the sake of all that is holy I don’t want to have to drink Beck’s Blue (I won’t drink it, no matter the dehydration). I hope they do well, I would recommend the place.

http://www.sobar-nottingham.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/SobarNottingham
https://twitter.com/SobarNottm

The Ned Ludd

Food and cherry cola was very nice, but we did still want a beer… I realise that’s probably some kind of irony, but I’m sure we can enjoy both. The Ned Ludd is just slightly further up Friar Lane and I’d wanted to pop in for a while. It’s the first Navigation Brewery pub. That’s good news because Navigation ale is some of Nottingham’s finest and I’m glad to see it.

It’s a classy little place, neatly fitted into whatever used to be there before. Friar Lane’s one of those roads where the shops / services seem to change a lot and I don’t pay much attention other than to avoid Walkabout and laugh at the ludicrous prices in Forbidden Planet. The Ned Ludd feels like it’s made of wood and glass and the colour green. Some of those might actually be true. They had an excellent selection of beers on tap and what looked like an intriguing collection of cans and bottles in the fridges. I got addicted to Camden Ink a smokey charcoaley beer and a fine IPA.

Again, this is a friendly little pub where the staff are happy to chat about beer and once you’ve sat down it feels exactly like a warm living room in someone else’s house. We’ll be going back…

http://www.thenedludd.com/
https://www.facebook.com/TheNedLudd
https://twitter.com/NedLuddNottm

♥ Last Week’s Scribbles

This week, Monday 3rd February 2014  – improv and wrapping up the week.

The Old Angel Nottingham – Horrifying Valentine’s Day Poster   –  just some complete idiocy.

Pulp Pirate 20 – FC 95 Rich’s Chocolate Moon Pie – Alex Trepan’s back on the best podcast in the whurld.

Misogynist Twattery

wpid-ALT-SPEED-DATING-MARCH-14-L.jpgSo… last week was also dominated for a number of people by The Old Angel‘s appallingly thoughtless and stupid Valentine’s Day event poster. Turns out that quite a few people consider ‘bag a slag, grab a hag’ to be less funny than the landlord may have thought. I was included in the unimpressed brigade (branded “keyboard warriors” by the ignorant pub management) and finally got round to expressing how I felt about it on Wednesday.

Eventually the event got cancelled after the council threatened to withdraw their alcohol license. The story has changed over the week, from the pub’s initial ‘fuck you, get a sense of humour’ to ‘fuck you, we’ve had to cancel the event’ and on to ‘sorry if you were offended, but fuck you there’s something wrong with you’. Excellent PR all round. Fuckwits. It’s disappointing and not a little ironic that a punk pub, proud of its punky anti-stereotype attitude would come up with a poster that so clearly promotes and reinforces the routine abuse of women. Way to go punk gang. Something more radical might have been ditching Valentine’s Day altogether in favour of an event celebrating people’s individuality and finding meaning and satisfaction in themselves rather than depending on a potential rapist to add value.

Their apparent apology is pathetic and it was only when faced with a harrowing personal account of sexual abuse and why the term ‘slag’ might not be empowering that The Old Angel‘s Twitter feed showed any indication of empathy. Not that that was a public apology of course. Y’know what, I’m still annoyed by these tools. May have to slap their stupid apology some more later.

Despite their failure to really understand what the fuss was about, it’s been an excellent opportunity for the Feminist Friends Nottingham to highlight this kind of behaviour, and get some national press attention focussed on it. While the council may vacillate and backpedal about their reasoning (though not as pitifully as the pub) and ‘free-speech’ apologists whine about political correctness instead of caring about people, it does look like some people got it.

Media Intake

Television

Well Brooklyn Nine-Nine has turned out to be entirely laugh free, despite a decent cast. Perhaps it’s because the lead character is just a lazy, crap cop and has no likeable traits. The rest of the cast seems to be running on stereotype and forced gags. The only character I like is their captain, and that’s mainly because I feel sorry for him. Happily cancelling the series record now…

On the plus side I’ve caught up with Helix – it’s pretty much The Walking Dead in a bunker, but it feels tense, mysterious and exciting. I’m perfectly content with its horror-quotient so far and I’m looking forwards to the promised revelations. Also, the intro-credits amuse me.

I recorded a couple of episodes of Falling Skies, which I hadn’t previously noticed on Freeview, though I had heard of it. I know it’s several seasons in, but it doesn’t seem great. The rubbery aliens and zombified kids feel rather samey and I’m not really being engaged by the show. That may be because I’ve missed vital character development but it has Stargate quality script and effects (albeit more recent). I’ll not be horrified to catch it again, but I’m in no rush.

Events and Excitement

Thursday 13th February

Gorilla Burger: improv comedy carnage

Gorilla Burger2_SQ_SM

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage, and a superb opportunity to get an idea of what Nottingham improv is all about.
The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

https://www.facebook.com/events/218155238365760/

Friday 28th February

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

MissImp_in_Action-SQ2

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/1419935891573539/

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This week, Monday 17th February 2014

That’s No Moon

Skull Desk TidyWe’ve had awesome moons with streamers of twisting cloud tearing past all week. The wind driving it’s been quite powerful – not so much here in Nottingham, but everywhere else seems to have been hammered. It makes cycling especially… interesting. My cycle route to and from work is an elongated ‘S’ which gives the blustery tempest every angle of attack. I’ve gone from almost motionless with wind in my face to being skittered across the road in front of lorries: fun.

I’m working hard at relaxing at the moment. I recognise that work is getting on top of me, as it sometimes does when there is much to do, but almost no plan of what and how it needs to be done. It’s frustrating working for people incapable of planning, or even committing their thoughts and ideas to paper / email. It means everything is subject to debate, the vagaries of memory and imprecision of spoken language. This is why I prefer to make proposals and such on paper – at least then we all know what at least one of us is talking about.

Reading has been a big release from work this week, I’ve read three short novels this week! That’s felt great, I do so love being immersed in a world. That’s how I like to drift off to sleep, imagining myself in their realm. It doesn’t really matter if it’s scifi, fantasy or war – even a terrifying tale like Let The Right One In was enough to delve into and go to sleep. Lego, as always is an excellent relaxant, although it does wick the hours away frighteningly.

I also got this great skull, for work. It’s the first part of one of those exploitatively priced partworks collections – How Your Body Works. This one does look pretty cool – it’s an ooman skeleton with some organs and bobs and bits. I had fun plugging the teeth in at work. It’s now a desk tidy and I’ve shoved stuff in his eyes. I won’t be parting with £4.99 or whatever it is each week. Part One – the skull was only 99p! Next week is the top of the skull, eyes and brain. That’s only £2.99…

Improv Musing

I went out on Wednesday to see my one-to-one client for improvisation and creative confidence (a genuinely scary cycling in the wind journey there and back), which was just the thing to respark my brain after a day of spreadsheet ennui. We’re exploring spontaneity and telling stories by focussing only on what has happened so far – it’s from that information that the rest of the tale will spring. Looking ahead isn’t necessary – I think that kind of planning is a different skill and can be built onto the sort of discipline we’re working on. I like the business of analysing the information we have at each point in a story and what they imply and we can infer about the context and history of the characters and places we create. There are also strong aspects of mindfulness and the importance of attending to the present. The vitality and essentiality of the present when improvising are amongst its most valuable therapeutic benefits. The confidence and self-assurance that people develop when they commit to improvising and evolving with a group of people are enormously heart-warming.

I did not, however, get any writing done last week. I need a new plan!

♥ Last Week’s Scribbles

This week, Monday 10th February 2014  – reviews of Sobar Nottingham and The Ned Ludd.

Events and Excitement

Friday 28th February

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

MissImp_in_Action-SQ2

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/1419935891573539/

Sunday 2nd March 2014

Ten Thousand Million Love Stories

image

A two person, multi character improvised longform with Heather Urquhart and Jules Munns. This is a show about love, what it means and how we succeed and fail in it.

The magnificent Heather Urquhart and Jules Munn from the award-winning Brighton improv group The Maydays bring their two-person show to Nottingham. Ten Thousand Million Love Stories is a joyous performance from two actors at the top of their game. Preceded by the Fancy Pants Jam – a performance by Heather & Jules with local improvisers.

“The perfect balance between realism and comedy slapstick, these two comfortably jumped from one character to another, without ever losing their flow. The show was as funny as it was impressive” Brighton’s Finest

The Corner

8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
6.30pm Fancy Pants Jam
7.30pm Ten Thousand Million Love Stories
Entry: £5

 https://www.facebook.com/events/502130516564097/

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Pulp Pirate 21 – FC 96 Fish Ships Out

Flash Cast 96 – Fish Ships Out

Boom, three in a row. That rounds off my three parter with Alex Trepan in ‘Midnight Shopping’  – Jam & The Maiden.  I don’t think it’s the best of the chapters I’ve recorded. For some reason there seems to be more echo and stuff in the track. Annoying. Never mind! People have said nice things about the series, for which I’m grateful (thanks Rich!) I shall have to record some more.

This week has much of the usual fun banter between the Skinner Co execs as well as another great comic review from Hugh at the Way of The Buffalo podcast and one of Jay’s multiple personality audio book reviews. There’s also the last Three Day Fish film review for a while as Fish is joining the infantry. I don’t really understand why, and he seems less than thrilled, but I hope he battles through (no pun intended) and gets satisfaction from it.

Listen to it now: 

FC96http://flashpulp.com/
http://skinner.libsyn.com/rss
http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/flash-pulp/id367726315

FC94 – including Alex Trepan in Midnight Shopping part 1
FC95 – including Alex Trepan in Midnight Shopping  part 2

Lego Blog: The Palace Cinema 10232

The Agony Of Choice

Defend The CinemaBefore Christmas a bunch of us newly-confirmed AFOLs headed up to Meadowhall as a pilgrimage to The Lego Store. It was a hugely over-exciting occasion, the likes of which will be ill-understood by those whose hearts are not similarly fired by perfectly moulded plastic bricks. We spent a lot of time billing and cooing over the many assembled models, shiny boxes and the fountain of minfigure manufacturing wonder. After much debate, number-crunching (I’d prepared a spreadsheet to calculate penny per brick and brick per penny ratios), hemming, hawing, walking away and being drawn back irresistibly to the shelf full of beautiful Lego Creator modular buildings.

I was personally torn between the Fire Brigade, the Pet Shop and the Palace Cinema. They’re all gorgeous models and have a decent per brick cost. The Haunted House is stunning, as is the Ewok Village, but they are insanely expensive compared to the Creator stuff. I concluded early on that the Town Hall (also beautiful and I’ve seen it assembled since at my friend’s house) was just out of my desired price range. I’ve rarely felt so tempted to blow £500 and get ’em all. I was sensible; I felt proud of myself. I chose the Palace Cinema. Partly it’s because it looks stunning on the box, and it’s a cinema and we love films.

Assembled With Love

With incredible restraint we waited until after Christmas Day to begin work on this astonishing cinema. One of the reasons we got it was so that we could build it together. It’s really easy for me to get absorbed in Lego to the exclusion of all else. I suppose it’s much like the kids who were getting thrombosis from kneeling for twenty hours straight. I sit cross legged on a cushion most of the time, which has sort of fixed my knees until I have to stand up and realise I’ve not moved for five hours. That can hurt. I usually have a cat in my lap too.

To prevent such deleterious havoc on both of our knees we decamped to the kitchen table. That was much better. We had to modify my usual habits somewhat – I like to empty all of the numbered Lego bags out right at the start, but there’s an awful lot of Lego in this set. I sulkily assented to following the instructions…

This is a lengthy build and in the end we assembled it over six nights spread over three weeks. It turns out that co-assembling Lego is more straightforward than I’d imagined. We took it in turns to brick-seek and assemble. Marilyn proved to be highly skilled at deploying the stickers for the signs and movie posters (which are brilliant).

The Golden Age

There are many pleasing details and ingenious construction throughout the cinema. Just applying flat tiles to a third of the red baseplate was immensely satisfying. The concessions stand and the ticket office are both brilliant, and the staircases are delightful.

With such a large build I’d feared it would feel rather repetitive laying down yet another row of bricks, but never did. The cinema screen upstairs is very satisfying and the chairs are rather clever. It’s a bit odd that there are windows in the auditorium… Once the floors are on top of each other it’s actually pitch dark inside, which is a bit of a shame.

If I were allowed to mod it (which I’m not – that’s been made quite clear!) I’d knock out huge holes in the back walls so you can see inside without taking floors off. I’d also put shutters on the screening floor windows or find some opaque windows instead. Alternatively, I’d love to do what this guy did with the custom lighting sets you can find on the interwebs. I might be allowed to do that.

Otherwise I reckon this set’s on permanent display now. It goes especially well with the Lego Movie minifigures.

You can have a look at all of our terrible construction photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/eric_the_bewildered_weasel/sets/72157641128244853/ 

http://shop.lego.com/en-GB/Palace-Cinema-10232

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This week, Monday 24th February 2014

Miss MermaidFour Day Weeks

I don’t know if there’s something inherently oppressive about working five days a week, but when I’m freed from it it make s a huge difference. I suppose in part it’s knowing that only leaves two days for fun and nonsense – a balance which screams abuse of human rights to me. It’s easily argued that we have our evenings (and the mornings before work – assuming you are able to fnction before midday) available, but really the evenings have to soothe the scars of the workday and weekends are inevitably spent catching up on sleep. I’m increasingly convinced this is just nuts. If it were easy to ditch the working day and segue into evenings of undistracted and worry-free fun then it wouldn’t be so bad. I’m quite busy at work at present and it’s harder than ever to detach. But this week and last week are both four working day weeks which feels better.
To the end of purging the day I’ve taken up Tekken Tag Team again. I may have to go all the way back to Tekken 3 (for the PS1) which is before they mixed up some of the special move commands that I’ve never adapted to. Either way it’s been very satisfying to plug in the ole’ PS2 and feel the familiar perfect design of the Playstation joypad once more. I’d forgotten what a perfect game it is, although it really doesn’t look as good on a 32 inch TV as it used to at university’s 14 inch giant television. Half an hour of relentlessly kicking the shit out of the old favourites may be my new solution to blacking out the daytime.

Lego

image

I spent my day off on Friday surrounded by Lego (and last night come to think of it…) I’ve decided to adapt the Lego Winter Village Toyshop into a Spring or Summertime toyshop. So I’m completely re-roofing it (which was the nightmare of building it the first time round, so that’s a great plan!) and rebuilding the chimney with better colour matching bricks and maybe fiddling with just about everything else. It’s going to be like that axe, you know – the one where we replaced the blade and the handle several times but it’s still the same axe. It’s proving an excellent learning process for getting surprising shapes to fit together; I’m rather pleased with the new roofs. The shot here is a mid-progress view. I’ve since replaced the window sills, added new framing for the windows and some stuff at the side. Fun!

Improv Musing

We had a really fun gig last week at The Glee Club in Birmingham’s Studio Theatre with Newton Europe. It’s a great club and a veery nice room to perform in, though we did nearly kill each other on the dinky stage (we could have removed it, but it’s useful to be elevated sometimes). It was a pretty crazy crowd of people taking their commitment to having fun very seriously. They were very up for scribbling lines for us, and I enjoyed haranguing them to write more. I’m finding that a good part of my warm up is going out and playing amongst the audience before the show starts. We had a fine time including references to the business’ process improvement work – it was a particular pleasure to be endowed with the role of a performance improvement consultant and to berate Ben for placing a bucket underneath the sink for throwing up in: it’s much more efficient to just use the sink. It all went down very well and the audience were generous with their praise. Feelgoods!

♥ Last Week’s Scribbles

I finally managed to write about the gorgeous Lego Palace Cinema. I’d recommend it to just about anyone… I need to record some more stories for Flash Pulp as well. They’re back to a weekly Flashcast again and I’m already a week behind. I’ve had some lovely feedback for the Alex Trepan story they recently serialised so I need to delve into Alex’ back catalogue and maybe even get motivated to write some more…
This week, Monday 17th February 2014  – the dubious value of partworks collectable magazines.

Pulp Pirate 21 – FC 96 Fish Ships Out  – part 3 of my Alex Trepan series mixed in with pulpy wonders.

Lego Blog: The Palace Cinema 10232 – possibly the very best Lego set ever produced.

Events and Excitement

Friday 28th February

MissImp in Action – live improv comedy show

MissImp_in_Action-SQ2

Thrilling all-action end of the month show sporting the best of MissImp inventing scenes and playing games.

The Glee Club
The Waterfront
Canal Street
Nottingham
8.30pm (doors open at 8pm) – £4.50 in advance/£6 on the door (£3 students/MissImp)

https://www.facebook.com/events/1419935891573539/

Sunday 2nd March 2014

Ten Thousand Million Love Stories

image

A two person, multi character improvised longform with Heather Urquhart and Jules Munns. This is a show about love, what it means and how we succeed and fail in it.

The magnificent Heather Urquhart and Jules Munn from the award-winning Brighton improv group The Maydays bring their two-person show to Nottingham. Ten Thousand Million Love Stories is a joyous performance from two actors at the top of their game. Preceded by the Fancy Pants Jam – a performance by Heather & Jules with local improvisers.

“The perfect balance between realism and comedy slapstick, these two comfortably jumped from one character to another, without ever losing their flow. The show was as funny as it was impressive” Brighton’s Finest

The Corner

8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
6.30pm Fancy Pants Jam
7.30pm Ten Thousand Million Love Stories
Entry: £5

 https://www.facebook.com/events/502130516564097/

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Cinema Trailers – why?

The Glory Of The Off-White Screen

We go to the cinema quite a lot. I am not a terribly discerning film viewer – I like explosions, robots, aliens and spaceships. Those are often in short supply though, so I end up seeing lots of stuff I probably wouldn’t bother with. We also have the glorious Cineworld cards which slash the per film cost of visiting the cinema down to a trifling sum. Add to that the Cinime app which basically gives us free popcorn every time we go and it’s nearly cheaper to go out than to stay in.

Harrowing Indifference

Something I do notice more and more are the adverts and trailers which precede the main feature. I don’t just mean the abysmal Kevin Bacon mobile phone adverts, or the recent Harrison Ford has no soul efforts for Sky. Those are awful wastes of my vision and hearing, but they are on for every film and I can kind of block them out (my other half is unable to resist mouthing along to them). No, it’s the other ones – the adverts that some marketing person has decided are likely to appeal to the audience of a particular film.

The positive part of all these ads is that I’m clearly not part of the average viewer demographic as perceived by these PR wizards/liars. I’m also pleasingly immune to most advertising since I can rarely remember what the damn thing was supposed to be fixing in my mind. There are also the trailers for other films, frequently added at random to perplex and apathise (is that a word? Should be) the audience.

Only-Lovers-Left-Alive-

Sexy Melancholy Vampires With Huge Hair

We went to see Only Lovers Left Alive on Saturday. It’s a very slow and dry witted film directed by Jim Jarmusch and starring Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton. If you watch it imagining that it’s Loki and the Snow Queen then it gets even better. I very much enjoyed it. The two leads are marvellous, effortlessly inhabiting their characters. John Hurt is also reliably gravelly and perfect as Christopher Marlowe (with many jokes and references for the Dr. Faustus fans out there). The film captures the brooding beauty of the idea of vampires without making them either brutal killers or sex beasts (incredibly there is something in between). The wigs are also particularly amusing. This is all by the by…

We had three trailers (that I can remember) before the movie:

1) The Grand Budapest Hotel which as far as I can tell is a gerontophile hotel caper. I’m quite looking forwards to it.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bTbW70umbQ?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

2) Labor Day. I found this utterly baffling – it appears to be an everyday tale of Stockholm Syndrome… When a man who’s broken out of prison takes your son hostage what choice do you have but to fall in love with him?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxETU7WMyX8?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

3) 300: Rise of An Empire. This is just bullet time with boats and dripping blood. It looks worse than The Immortals but with slightly better CGI, placing it somewhere around Spartacus: Blood and Sand from off the telly.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zqy21Z29ps?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

So all three of those had apparently little in common with Only Lovers Left Alive… Except that The Budapest Grand Hotel features ageing beauties (just like vampires), Labor Day is about falling in love while you fear for your lives (sort of like in the vampire film…) and the 300 prequel has lots of blood (= just like vampires) and action scenes set in harbours… just like a conversation in the vampire film. They are all fiendishly interlinked – clearly those advertising folks have it all figured out.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZZMClxOhWA?rel=0&w=640&h=360]

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The Desert Crystals – Part 27: Fragile Things

Desert Crystals Part 27 – Fragile Things

DesertCrystals7Flesh and fat hissed in the darkness. Bones cracked, sending a burst of sparks up into the night sky. The makeshift pyres would burn till dawn when the sun’s fierce heat took over. By then the scavenged wood and tumbled Skymates would be dark ash muddled into the red sands. For now the fire lit the faces of Growlbrin Taqua and Brenhitch Taqua (the latter’s surname granted by his apprenticeship to the former). Their business was precisely this, the proper disposal of mortal remains. For three years now Brenhitch had accompanied his master in his erratic, winding journeys across and around the Great Bane Desert.

In that time he’d learned rather more about survival in the sands and how Growlbrin liked his tea than he had the burning of bodies. This was no great surprise, the Taqua’s had always been wanderers, their duty the final safety of travellers rather than those whose likely places of death were towns or villages. Those stationary ends were well provided for already. The Taquas tracked lone madmen through the desert or followed the aerial paths of skyships in case of accident, attack or age. Brenhitch often wondered if there were other Taquas following them as they trudged across the blazing landscape. For now he stood watching the blaze and leaned on his long pole with its meshed metal net, pondering the death of so many aeronauts. His hand returned of its own accord to the journal he carried, its touch oddly reassuring in the face of such loss.

Prior to the last few days it had been a full year since the wandering pair of master and apprentice had come across a death. That last had been a man they’d tracked from out of Gross Nigh at the base of the mountains. He’d set off with just a pack of supplies and a Candy Beetle to carry him. There had been little doubt he would die, and the locals had supposed that was his purpose in setting out so wilfully unprepared. Still, he’d survived for five weeks, using the Candy Beetle’s uncanny ability to locate sweetmeats of the desert to maintain himself and his mount. At times the Taquas had followed just hours behind him, tidying the burrows and roots unearthed by the beetle, returning them to their natural buried and hidden state. It would not do to have the desert’s bounty laid waste by its scouring winds.

One evening the Taquas camped just a dune’s breadth from where the man had erected his lean-to. He had set it out in the desert way by stretching a canvas between the legs of the beetle and allowing the Candy Beetle to half bury itself in the sands with the traveller beneath its shiny belly. Growlbrin had been content to take his tea and retire to his bunk inside their Caravan Beetle. Brenhitch had been left awake as the sky turned purple and orange, gazing at the emerging stars. As he lay on their beetle’s broad shell a man’s voice rose high and strident from across the dune. The words themselves were lost in the constant susurration of the sands but Brenhitch was young, bored and awake so he scrambled up the sandy bank until he could lie above the man’s camp, and listen.

The man paced unsteadily upon his docile mount’s flat back, feet slapping on the huge coloured swirls that characterised the beast’s curious appearance. He was either drunk or sand-mad by his swaying, as well as that he was fairly bellowing as he read from a slender leathery notebook. It was poetry, of a sort, filled with anguish and shame. Brenhitch lay for hours listening to the fellow’s story of his life, expressed in verse, tears and angry shouts. Finally he nearly fell from his steed and in doing so realised he was standing in the darkness, declaiming his tale by starlight to an uncaring desert, not to mention to those predators that haunted its night. He shambled within his tent and Brenhitch returned to the caravan.

Next day they found the man dead. His camp was where it had been the night before, save that the Candy Beetle, sensing its owner’s death and responding to its own instincts had unearthed itself and begun its gruesome task (from which it was named) of flensing the corpse for its sweetmeats. Growlbrin burst over the ridge with a roar and rattling his staff of bells and screeching Song-Ants. The cacophany of brass and insect startled the Candy Beetle from its business. In a sudden panic it tore loose the bags and canvas that hung from its limbs and fled into the desert. The poet (as Brenhitch now thought of him) was scattered, a neat pile of skin and fat separated from the bloody bones awaiting the beetle’s further attention.

Brenhitch set to work making a neat stack of the dead man’s possessions, piling clothing, canvas tent and travelling writer’s desk and the ephemera of life on top of each other. The remaining water bottles and provisions he transferred to their caravan. He found a tiny empty bottle in the blankets, which sharply burned at his nostrils when he sniffed it. Growlbrin abruptly slapped it from his hand, murmuring “he may have chosen to take his own life, but he’d no plan for denying you yours.” Suitably chastened, Brenhitch added the phial to the meagre pile. While he was unattended he slipped the dead man’s notebook into his pocket.

Meanwhile Growlbrin drew on his claw-tipped black leather gloves and peeling apart the glistening meat of the man’s disarrayed corpse, peering into organs and beneath bone. Finally he grunted with satisfaction and withdrew from the man’s throat. Between two black claws was a marble-sized, golden bead. He cleaned it of blood and dropped it into one of the dozens of tiny bottles that chattered against each other on the bandolier that wrapped about his broad chest. Growlbrin took pen and ledger from an inside pocket to record the man’s place and date of death and the colour of his bead. Finally he scrawled a matching number onto the bottle and gestured to his apprentice. Brenhitch dragged the man onto the makeshift pyre and wrapped him up in the walls of his tent. That night they ignited the canvas.

Now, a year later Growlbrin watched the remains of the crashed airship burning, its fallen crew laid atop their own bunks and wrapped in the garish balloon that had apparently failed to keep them aloft. Fifteen men and women had met their end up in the skies. Though he’d said nothing to the boy, the ship’s hull showed signs of violence and the man they’d found first had clearly been shot in the chest. The manner of their death didn’t affect the Taquas’ duties however, though he’d record his suspicions and the name of their vessel, The Golden Zephyr. Brenhitch stood by his side, also staring into the flames, watching for the glint of the crew’s soul-beads in the fire, ready to scoop them out. He thought it likely they’d be sifting through ash in the morning.

Next Week: Part 28 – Easy Ways to Die

In the same series:

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This week, Monday 3rd March 2014

Why So Quiet This Week?

Hideously I feel it is the result of a soul-deep weariness and hyperbole. I am a bit worn – last week was pretty busy and had a perhaps excessively fun weekend. Thus I must sleep. I am not, of course, managing to sleep though. I’m getting tired of blaming it on work, but my brain is totally fried from focussing intently on spreadsheets and IF statements. It’s leaving precious little space in my fragile noggin for more highly-prized creativity.

I’m spending my free time happily burrowed in books and Lego, which are naturally easier since they just get sucked into the mental vacuum; writing demands more than a hole to build with. I’ve also taken great pleasure at being sat upon by our Pickle-Moose.

Lego

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The Winter Village Toy Shop is still getting a damn good seeing to as I continually tamper with it. It’s possible that I have finished tampering with the design since it’s achieved a rather charming gingerbread house quality. Most recently I added a smoking chimney.

I’ve also been playing with the gate I assembled after Christmas, which has been sitting on the shelf, bereft of framing or place. I thought it would be a good time to experiment a bit with one of the most highly rated of all Lego bricks – the hinge. It’s been used in some of my favourite Lego sets of the last few years – the Colby City Showdown and the LoTR Attack on Weathertop to produce the nicely shaped buildings. Obviously I hadn’t thought that far ahead, but figured it would be simple enough to add forward-facing walls on either side. It has not proven that simple… Due to the plates I chose (for aesthetics) I’ve been forced into weird building choices to join them all together. However it’s turned out rather nicely and I’m content that you can’t see how badly mismatched the build really is.

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Also – I continue to taunt myself with the shelf of unopened bargain Lego sets. It warms my face in passing. I did build the Gollum set and he is a truly upsetting minifig. Very, very upsetting indeed. The stud on his spine suggests I should incorporate him in a building but I can hardly bear to look at him. Also exciting – I may be getting a chance to test out one of the new Lego Movie giant stacking brick boxes! Stay tuned for more Lego spaffing.

♥ Last Week’s Scribbles

Incredibly I did done do writing last week too! It really helped that I had a meeting in London and so acquired four hours of pure writing time on the train. It wasn’t all used well… it was too early for one thing and London just stains my soul. But, I got the next chapter of The Desert Crystals done, a long blog post about improv and stammering and even started a new Captain Pigheart story! Obviously I’ve failed to capitalise on this progress as it’s now Thursday…

This week, Monday 24th February 2014  – mainly the joys of Lego…

Cinema Trailers… why?  – I just don’t get what these advertising people want from me, or why they make such stupid adverts.

The Desert Crystals: part 27 – Fragile Things – one of my favourite chapters so far, the ways of death in the desert.

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Naturalism, Intimacy and Ten Thousand Million Love Stories

Busy Busy Showtimes

Ah such a busy week… it demands more than I can give it! Not just the sweet mistress improv, whose demands on my time and brain are distressing, but also merely writing up last week is going to defeat me.

In brief then: we returned to The Glee Club Nottingham for our regular monthly show. We fielded nine players to a decent little audience – just forty or so (who I coerced with loving words into a fine and fizzing audience. Lots of shortform nonsense which felt very fun. I cannot now recall and of my scenes… I like to think that is a good sign. Plus we went out afterwards till ghastly o’clock to celebrate Geoff’s 50th birthday.

Heather Urquhart & Jules Munns

On Sunday we had The Maydays‘s Heather and Jules up to skool us in ‘Naturalism and Intimacy’ for the afternoon before they could wow us with their show in the evening. The workshop presented plenty of challenges to those of us with well-practiced shields and blocks against our fellow humans. I overcame some of those… It’s always interesting to aim at the softer, gentler emotions as well as the fire-spitting rage.

I particularly enjoyed the contemplation of how casual intimacy really is. The touches are not significant in themselves, they are an indication of the intimacy between two people. It’s also nice to have the importance of eye contact reiterated. It’s not something I struggle with, but I’m reminded of how many people I know who cannot bear to maintain eye contact for even a few seconds. Maybe I just make them nervous. I’ll grin fiercely to make up for it.

Ten Thousand Million Love Stories

After that we got to enjoy fucking about on stage in the Fancy Pants Jam which was the prelude to Ten Thousand Million Love Stories. I found the set up rather engaging – Heather and Jules asked the audience to close our eyes and be primed with triggers like ‘first love’, ‘the one that got away’. When reopened they encouraged us mingle and share our stories and memories while they eavesdropped and asked questions. Then they chatted about the stories (all without naming people!) and those that interested them the most – providing the fodder for the coming show.

Possibly the worst photograph ever taken...
Possibly the worst photograph ever taken…
Back L-R: Marilyn, Jules, Lloydie, Nick, Geoff, Martin, Heather, Becky, David, Colin
Front: Amy and Ben

I guess as an improviser it was clear how they got from the suggestions to the two story threads they explored (people having sex in a shared bedroom and their housemates and the couple who only meet through church) but that just made their exploration the more satisfying.

It’s a genuinely very funny show, with Heather and Jules playing beautifully with each other, in this case playing to a knowing improv crowd that appreciated the risks and the corpseing as they ruthlessly exploited whatever was making the other smirk. Despite, or possibly because of the humour, the relationships that developed were touching and affectionate. It’s a very lovely and funny show about love.

After that we went to the pub… it was a too-late night for a Sunday…

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Comixology – freebie bargain

Comics Improved

I’ve been a lover of Comixology for a few years now, for lots of reasons. One, digital comics are cheaper than paper, and take up less space (take note big publishers who use Kindle – it should be cheaper to get digital versions of books!). It also means I don’t have to go to a comic shop / leave the house. And I can tote them around with me everywhere. The whole panel swipe process for reading them has completely changed my enjoyment of comics since I can’t accidentally skip to the bottom of the page, and I enjoy them more. I’ve been collecting Transformers obsessively on the app, as well as Atomic Robo and whatever else takes my fancy.

Bargain Watch

Comixology bargainThe only reason I mention it today is that Comixology have an insane deal to celebrate one year of their Comixology Submit thing where you can submit your own comics for digital publishing (netting 50% of the profits if they accept it). It’s not part of the site I’d been especially aware of, though it does sound pretty cool. Anyhoo – they’ve got 100 comics for $9.99, which is a pitiful £6 or so.

There’s a tonne of the expected issue 1s to get you hooked on something, but it’s a very diverse range of comics and there’s at least twenty whole volume collections or stand alone graphic novels. I barely even hesitated… I probably won’t even download half of them but a good complete story will satisfy me enormously.

Give ’em a whirl… available until tomorrow.

https://www.comixology.com/SXSW-2014-SUBMIT-STARTER-PACK/bundle/139

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This week, Monday 10th March 2014

 

Egad, Be This The Sparklings of Spring?

It’s not coat weather anymore, that’s for sure. I despise the heat, and sweating is a bestial practice. That’s why I so adore the frigid months of wind and attempted snow. Now that damn sun’s back, it’s unimpeded gaze roasting my lily-white crypt-flesh. I have discarded coat and hoodie in a vain attempt to keep my juices inside my skin.

This has been a week of (incredibly trivial) changes. I’ve had my twice yearly change of morning order. I am a creature of habit – it keeps me relatively sane and orders the few activities I undertake. One of those is the difficult matter of breakfast – does it precede or succeed showering? In the winter it’s definitely eating first before I can bear to expose my skin to water. But this week I’ve switched. It makes no difference whatsoever to getting to work on time: either way I’m bad at it.

What else this week? Oh yes, being out for all of Sunday shunted my ‘getting-my-shit-togetherness’ back by four days. So it was not a terribly productive week… This week has the bright shininess of two days suffering bureaucratic idiocy during day-long ‘workshops’ where the painful ignorance of those who direct us shall be dragged bleeding into the limelight again. If I weren’t already convinced of the impending disaster it would be a depressing pair of days. Thankfully the week will be genuinely brightened by the joys of Gorilla Burger this Thursday and Knickerbocker Glorious on Saturday.

Oh, and also – Merly has been adorable this week.

This is how we do it

Lego

The local shops have taunted me further with Lego bargains and I have been too weak to resist their plasticky charms. I have supplemented the Lego shelf with the Galaxy Squad Warp Stinger and Star Slicer and The Council of Elrond. They’re all going to be lovely little constructions and should add some pretty bobs and bits to my Lego heap. I’m like a dragon, but I don’t care for gold.

Books

As I said last week I’ve been burying my nose in books for fear of losing the tattered shreds of my humanity. Yesterday I finally finished Steven Erikson‘s Gardens of The Moon. I’d stumbled across his insane world of the Malazan Empire when Marilyn snagged me a gift of Bauchelain and Korbal Broach last year. Gardens of The Moon is the first in his massive sequence of massive books. I’ve been reading it on Kindle, so I don’t get the same sense of how far through the book I am. Despite dealing constantly in percentages being 65% of the way through a book doesn’t mean much to me.

It’s fantastic – a deep, complex and gloriously unexplained world of magic, gods, war and inhuman creatures. The battles are exciting, the plots loop around dozens of memorable and interesting characters. I love the magic (the ‘warrens’!), myths and landscape. He’s definitely on my Christmas list now.

From that I’ve gone on to join the Hipster crowd (appropriately behind the cool curve) – The King in Yellow by Robert W Chambers. I’d never heard of it until the H.P.Podcraft guys started going through the various writers who inspired H.P. Lovecraft. The same week I listened to those podcasts my good friend @Dr_Mekloug started babbling about the True Detective series and the million web posts about how this book is the key to that series. Then it appeared for free on Kindle and I took an interest.

I can’t tell you much about it yet other than it seems fun…

Last Week’s Scribbles

Hmm, not terribly productive. I’ll do better this week, I swears to ya boss, swears to ya.

This week, Monday 3rd March 2014   – mainly the joys of Lego…

Naturalism, Intimacy and Ten Thousand Million Love Stories – an afternoon and evening of improv.

Events and Excitement

Thursday 13th March 2014

Gorilla Burger – Improv Comedy Carnage

Gorilla Burger2_SQ_SM

Jam show – a chance for anyone to get on stage.

The Corner
8 Stoney Street
(off Broad Street)
Nottingham
7.30pm – £4

https://www.facebook.com/events/219306464925221/

Saturday 15th March 2014

Knickerbocker GloriousKnickerbocker Glorious

A sweet layered stack of free live Entertainment, an abundance of Acoustic Music, a generous measure of Performing Arts. Topped off with a liberal sprinkling of family friendly Comedy. MissImp are bringing the improv to the street!

The Fountain
Derby Market Square
Cathedral Quarter
Derby
11am-3pm – FREE

Saturday 22nd March 2014

Interrobang – Spontaneous Comedy Theatre

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The only show of its kind in Derby, Interrobang features an improvised comedy jam in which everyone can take part followed by a showcase of the best improv in the region. Proudly presented by Furthest From The Sea and Derby Live.

45 Suite, The Assembly Rooms
Cathedral Quarter
Derby
7.30pm – £5

https://www.facebook.com/events/653231528070976/

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Lego Blog: Jabba’s Palace Part 3 – The Droid Dungeon

Oh-oh-o, we’re in a dungeon now

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I’ve been cheerfully modding my Jabba’s Palace since I got it some time last year. It was an absurd bargain and totally validated trekking all the way across the city using three different modes of transport just so I could hold it and grin manically at the terrified lady in the shop. She had no idea, none at all. I’d been watering at the face for months begging for it to be reduced below the frankly insane and insulting £129.99 RRP. Fuck you Lego, it’s not that many bricks. Or should that be fuck you Lucasfilms? I don’t know but I imagine they slap a whole heap o’ merch costs on top of it. It’s worth noting when you buy Lego that Star Wars Lego is frequently more than twice the cost per brick of the Creator stuff.

Anyway, I digress into number babble. So I’ve previously extended the corridor section and altered the tower so it could fit on our shelves, but the part of Jabba’s Palace I always really loved was the droid dungeon where they take R2D2 and C-3PO. You know, the room where they have a Gonk droid being tortured by burning the soles of its feet. That struck me as so weird that it’s emblazoned on my memory. So that’s what I wanted to build.

I turned to the internet for source pictures and really isn’t much out there. I re-watched Jedi twice for research purposes (I forgot to pause the first time round) and concluded that the dungeon is a black box with no visible features. Blank slate…

Outside and Inside

  

I’ve been slightly obsessed with oddly shaped bases for a while, and despite my better judgement have begun by building the base. There was that and the spiral staircase, which I adore and simply had to fit it in. So I ended up with an odd corridor branching into a couple of rooms. It’s very clear that R2 could never have gotten into this room.

The ‘play features’ I remembered were the Gonk droid being tortured and the protocol droid on a rack (it’s a weird scene), so they had to go in. After that it was a matter of making judicious use of my ever-rare sand and dark-sand bricks and filling up the gaps with junk. I am pleased with the Gonk droid. I think he’s the one I got out of an advent calendar from a couple of years ago, with a few brick switches. I had to make the torturer droid and I’m quite pleased with the result, even if he is rather chunkier than a Star Wars droid should be.

Similarly, the droid on the rack got his own whole corner of the set, with light up flamey bits too (god I love them light bricks). I couldn’t figure out a way to splay a minifigure, so I used those weird robot arm bricks and the helmet from General Zod to get the droid headed vibe. The rest of the dungeon was a chance to cram in robot and tech-like bits and pieces.
  

At Least There Are No Ewoks, or Jar-Jar

The most important bit I totally forgot to mention is of course R2 and Threepio being confronted by the dungeon boss droid, EB-9D (? I think – I’ve got his name mixed up with ED-209 in my head.) I had him from the original Jabba’s Palace set in the early millenial years.

The nice thing about a corridor is that it has a roof and I couldn’t help randomly bunging bricks and minifigures on top for even more action packed fun. It makes no sense of course, as obviously the dungeon is far underground… But it meant I could get my now really odd looking yellow Leia out (also from the original set).

The whole things looks quite nice at the end of the corridor, though I couldn’t finesse a join to the rest of the palace. Maybe next time… The whole set up is now scheduled for demolition! I need the space man, the space. That said, I’d like to revisit the massive doorway into Jabba’s Palace as a separate appropriate-ish-ly scaled model. I still don’t have the shelf height to allow for the Rancor pit extension.

  

A Picture Tells A Thousand Yeah Whatevers

The rest of the pictures of the Droid Dungeon can be seen here on Flickr.

You can see more pictures of the other extensions to Jabba’s Palace set in glorious colour here on Flickr.

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The Best Lego Minifigures: Yeti and Gingerbread Man | The Collectionary Blog

re-blogged from The Collectionary Blog where I’m guest blogging about um, Lego…

Dangerous Confessions

I love Lego mini-figures.  Absolutely love them.  Like most people, I constantly played with Lego when I was a child. With the possible exception of Star Wars and Transformers it was the most enduring plaything of my childhood.  I rediscovered Lego briefly when I left college and started worked with children – what else was I going to get them to do? And then they lay in abeyance in my mind, their brickish possibilities building beneath the surface.  I don’t know what happened after that – it may just have been the release of some spectacular new range, but Lego was back in my life.

…continues at  The Best Lego Minifigures: Yeti and Gingerbread Man | The Collectionary Blog.

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Advertising For The Grand Budapest Hotel

If You Like This Film, You Will Want These Things

idiot advertsWe went to see the splendid The Grand Budapest Hotel on Saturday (I’ll review it tomorrow, promise) and I was struck by the adverts leading up to it. I made a note of them, because otherwise I wouldn’t remember them – sorry advertising executives but all your hard work means fuck all to me.
 
Presumably though, they make some effort to put relevant ads before at least some films. These are the ads we got for Wes Anderson‘s latest film:
  1. Red Bull – we are shown two tough British cross country cyclists. They seem very good, if nervous about talking to the camera. The message? Some people are really good at cycling, but even they get hurt badly. Will a weird tasting caffeine drink help?
  2. Premature Ejaculation – a pair of matches having sex burn their heads. See firingtooquickly.co.uk
  3. FT Weekend – read a another dull weekend newspaper supplement in the style of a florist’s James Bond intro.
  4. BMW – a car that growls like a pissed off cougar farting. Doesn’t bode well for the engine. The sound the car makes is all they have left to distinguish their brand.
  5. McDonalds – desperately grasping at the poorly made coffee market (already nailed by Starbucks)
  6. Coke Zero – literally adds nothing…

There were also adverts for Sky and EE but I can’t face explaining why I hate those again. In summary, advertisers think that if you are interested in The Grand Budapest Hotel you will be a sofa-bound adrenaline junkie who cums too fast but dreams of being middle-class enough to read the Financial Times in some crappy car while driving to eat fast food, drink bad coffee and pretend to be healthy by drinking caramelised piss water. Yup, nailed this demographic right here…